Putting Social Media Back in Its Place

This one’s going to hit hard. For someone who works in the world of communications, social media serves a purpose, but it absolutely comes with a dark side. At a minimum, you can feel the nagging pressure to always be connected and to measure the value of your thoughts and ideas, even your life accomplishments, but the number of likes and comments a post receives. Or worse, you can be fully addicted to manipulating your thoughts, ideas, photos, and personal brand to feel important and included in this very fake world. I see examples all across the spectrum, and I have lived through many of them.

Right now I find myself in a place where I’m pretty disgusted by social media and in a season where I want to retreat from this “fun house mirror” of altered reality. Instead, I’ve felt a new desire to pull back, disconnect, and adjust the role social media once played in my life. This doesn’t mean drastic actions like announcing a social media purge or deleting my personal accounts. They still exist and I still have to engage on social media as part of my job. But it’s on my terms. Social media is a good servant, but a poor master. In reflecting on how my approach to social media has changed over the last few months, here is what I know to be true.

How much time are you (really) spending on social media?

There are many ways to do this, but most don’t (or won’t) track the time they spend on social media because, well, it can be scary. Like facing any stronghold in our lives, we can’t fight an unknown enemy. By tracking the time you spend on social media in a given day, maybe you’re worried you’ll be embarrassed by the truth. Don’t be! Being aware is the first step toward breaking free. And in taking this step, you’re ahead of anyone who’s continuing to live in ignorance. You don’t have to share the outcome with anyone but yourself, but you do need to get honest about it.

There are apps that can help with this, but old-fashioned methods work just as well. Be sure to track more than just a day or two. To really uncover deeply-rooted habits, aim for a whole week. Go about “business as usual” with how you typically engage with social media, how many times you open an app in a day, and how frequently you’re tempted to pick up your phone for a dopamine boost of social media. To get a full picture of the role social media plays in your life, and how strong of a hold it has on you, you need to understand how much time you’re currently spending on these platforms.

How does it make you feel?

The quantity of time spent on social media is one important metric. But so is the quality of time. In your scrolling, what are you really gaining? What is social media adding to your life? And what is it subtracting? Take note of how you feel before you engage with social media on a given day. If your habit is to wake up and go straight for your phone to check your notifications, you may not even know how you feel without social media influencing your first thoughts and mental space. Take note of it! Do you find social media changes your mood, your perception of people, and the world around you? How so? You can be as formal as keeping a journal for a week, maybe the same journal in which you’re tracking your time spent on social media. Or you can just take an intentional mental note.

I for one quickly noticed my mood was always worse after engaging with special media. It didn’t matter for how long or what type of content…I always felt more negative and less focused after a scrolling session. Emotions like anxiety, frustration, annoyance, inferiority, and impatience would cloud over even if the most peaceful day I was having just moments prior. Wow! I would become easily agitated, overwhelmed, and disengaged with the real world around me. I share this authentically to let you know that if you feel the same, you’re not alone. In fact, you’re the vast majority. Social media use is this serious, and we need to get serious about calling out its impact on our lives.

Is your network people you care about – and who care about you?

This truth bomb is going to hurt. But I promise it will lead to better outcomes once you process it. If you’re like most, I’m guessing you have hundreds if not thousands of people in your combined social media networks. Statistically speaking alone, there’s no way even 1% of these people truly care about your life and well-being. Being friendly toward you, liking a post, and leaving a comment don’t mean anything! I’m talking about who in your social media networks are people you know well enough to be vulnerable with, come to for advice, and speak truth and love into each other’s lives? Yet here we are spending countless hours a day monitoring their most mundane activities and attempting to perfectly curate our own highlight reel in return. To what? Impress someone whose opinion we don’t really value?

I recently felt compelled to cleanse my social media network of connections that aren’t real connections, if you know what I mean. Nothing against those people, we just simply don’t play a role in one another’s lives anymore (or ever). A lot were people I couldn’t even tell you how I met, or if I met them at all. My social media networks weren’t real life – and never will be. I was tired of giving so many people a window into my life who, quite frankly, didn’t deserve it. In addition to rarely posting to my personal social media anymore, I now have just a skeleton crew of connections. But they’re real! They’re people I know and care about outside of social media and when put to the test of “Do I care about what they have to share?” They were a definite “Yes!”

I’m definitely not an influencer, micro-influencer, or anything along those lines. I’m a real person with an eclectic collection of real photos (posted very infrequently) that mean something to me and those who know and love me. With my newly downsized circle, I find myself less interested in posting because it’s not about the likes and comments anymore! My heart has turned back to real-life conversations off social media platforms. Those are what fill my cup and where I want to devote more of my time.

What if you just didn’t for a day, week, month, or longer?

I promise you this, your followers and connections on social media would hardly notice if you stopped posting. Okay, maybe a few people who wonder, “What’s up? Haven’t seen something new from them in a while.” And then they’d move on with their scrolling and never give it a second thought. So think about that the next time you spend any amount of energy crafting a social media post. And if lately social media has felt “heavy” can I kindly suggest you put it down for a bit? It doesn’t have to be forever, and maybe it’s not quitting cold turkey, but what about just taking a step back? What would it look like if you took a complete day off social media, a week, or a month? Maybe you start by uninstalling the apps on your phone so you can only access the platforms from your computer. These small steps to create obstacles between the quick and frequent scrolling of social media will slowly but surely create new, healthier habits that bring you back into the real world.

Here’s the other truth, if you stopped engaging on social media long enough, the people who truly care about you and want to know about your life will reach out. They may give you some space for a while or not think anything of it for a week or month, but the friends and family who are invested in your well-being will begin to reach out by text and phone call – old school, I know! They’ll check in on you and engage you in real, 1:1 conversations. And those who don’t? Well, you know the truth about those relationships then, too.

What is social media replacing in your life?

I understand the desire for a mindless distraction during the day. Something quick, fun, and light-hearted. I think a lot of us believe that’s what social media can be. But it isn’t and it can’t be that. Maybe right in the beginning before social media made us all anxious and self-conscious. Maybe back before every post is now either directly monetized or somehow tied to elevating someone else’s public perception. But social media as it is now is far more dark and sinister, even if we don’t see it. Worst of all, we use it to fill all sorts of voids in our life. But it’s poison quicksand. It doesn’t fill anything, it only sinks us deeper and makes the void that much greater, so that we need more, more, more. Think about it. What have you ever gone on social media to achieve, and did you achieve that? Did you find more peace, less anxiety, deeper connection, and relaxation? Or did you come out the other side of a scrolling session worse than you began? Maybe you can’t even remember what you were seeking to begin with, but you surely didn’t find it. Exactly. That’s what those who profit from social media want and need to feed the machine. Do you really want to be freely giving up your time to fuel it?

Take it to God.

“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” – Mark 11:24

If there is only one thing I hope you take away from this post, it’s that you’re not alone. Social media addiction is a growing epidemic in our culture and has created the most intense strongholds in people across all generations, ages, and interests. I’m not sure there has ever been anything else quite like it. The word “addiction” feels so strong, but by definition, it hits all the marks. We as a society are addicted to social media and everything it brings. Sure there are varying degrees and outcomes of this addiction, but anyone who has access to social media is on a slide going deeper and deeper.

Do you want it to stop? Maybe you’re strong enough to put boundaries and conditions in place to get off the slide, but a lot of people aren’t. One thing I know for sure is prayer helps. When you ask to be released from your strongholds, your prayers will be answered just at the right time. Don’t be afraid or feel silly to offer it up. I have and continue to do so. About one year ago I prayed specifically that my heart would change toward social media, that I would lose all interest in it and be disgusted by the thought of engaging with it. And slowly but surely changes have taken place. I’m not fully where I want to be, but I know I’m headed in the right direction. All in His time.

What is the nature of your current relationship with social media? How do you hope it will change? Beyond hoping, what actions can you take to put you in a position to make that change?

As you think through the thoughts this blog post may have stirred in your heart and mind, feel free to leave a comment below to help others who may be on a similar journey.

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