Putting “Intimacy” Into Your Professional Plan: How to Grow and Deepen Connections in 2025
Adrienne Bellehumeur
Expert on Documentation, Productivity, and Governance, Risk and Compliance | Owner of Risk Oversight
A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to speak with a group of CPAs about team productivity in today’s world of work. While we covered a number of strategies, the most memorable was the deep dive we took into the importance of “intimacy” in the workplace. There, I said it.
As accountants, “intimacy” is not something we are trained nor encouraged to do. Intimacy is something for outward facing salespeople, communications experts, or marketers, or really something to be reserved for family and our dearest friends. But intimacy is essential for our success. Everyone in the CPA session had a wakeup call after this discussion. In the age of AI, transformation, layoffs, WFH, and a? relentless focus on efficiency and profit, the importance of connection and relationships is growing exponentially and may be the most important competitive advantage you have in today’s cut-throat job market.
Revisiting “Intimacy” in the Trust Equation
The “Trust Equation,” from The Trusted Advisor by David H. Maister, Robert Galford, and Charles Green, is a concept I love talking about (you can read my article here). While the book is focused on client-consultant relationships, the concept of trust is just as (maybe more) important to teams of all types, shapes, and sizes and to sales as well.
Maybe it’s the accountant in me, but I love how this book has broken down trust into a concrete equation–especially the part intimacy plays.
Trust = (Credibility + Reliability + Intimacy) / Self-Orientation
As CPAs, engineers, lawyers, MBAs or other professionals, we spend a lot of time working on our credibility through education, credentials, big company experience, and our breadth of client work.
As a business owner who runs projects, I spend most of my time and energy on reliability — keeping projects on track, on time, on budget, and to the required standards — and beyond. You probably spend a lot of your day-to-day work on reliability too.
But according to the Trusted Advisor (and my substantial anecdotal evidence), intimacy is the primary source of failure in building trust in the corporate world, especially amongst professionals like lawyers, engineers, and CPAs. Because trust is essential for business relationships, lack of intimacy can be one of the biggest sources of lost clients and sales in the professional world.
I skipped the intimacy factor of the equation for many years. I went to the top business school in Canada and then articled as a CPA. Through all that education and professional training, I don’t remember ever learning about the value of intimacy. This was a mistake.?
Sometimes I’d wonder, “Why on earth would that person be chosen for a contract over me?” The answer often was that they worked harder at intimacy, though I didn’t have that awareness at the time. I was often passed over for opportunities because I was too busy “being productive” and skipped over the coffees, lunches, and socializing I should have been doing all along.
In today’s economy, the resume game is dead. People are getting laid off in droves, often at the worst possible stages of their careers. The world of thought leadership is crowded. Social media is overflowing with experts clamoring for attention. Meaningful, trusted relationships make all the difference. They help you thrive in the here and now and you can rely on them during challenging times.
Intimacy as a Strategy: Four Tangible Outcomes
I know what you’re thinking. Intimacy sounds threatening. Maybe a bit “too” close for comfort. (We’re talking about “clean” intimacy here!)?
But intimacy in business really means:
Intimacy isn’t only a feel-good, feel-connected aspect of business. It’s a tangible strategy with multiple “hard” outcomes:?
Putting Relationship Management into Your Year-End Planning?
Connection, relationship management, and “intimacy” are not necessarily about driving for optimal “efficiency.” They are about doing what’s best to activate your connection factor. (Which ironically, can make you more “efficient” in the long run.) Here are some of my personal favorite techniques that you can give a try.
1. Plan for coffees and connection (or lunches, drinks, or dinners).
I know that this isn’t that original of an idea. But we need to set aside times to be social and out and about. (As well as having days to be heads-down too.) I am typically more social on Wednesdays and Thursdays, and more heads-down on Mondays and Fridays.
If you are looking at your year to come, think about the people you want to spend more time with and how to make it work. My experience is that it’s harder than it seems! As I reflect on my 2024, there are so many friends, colleagues, team members, clients, and others that I would have liked to spend more time with but sadly didn’t. I am going to have to get creative (with events, dinners out, small groups invited to my house) to make it all work in 2025.
2. Reach out in batches.
This might sound a bit callous or transactional. But it’s not. I try to reach out to people in “groups” as it focuses my attention and efforts on who I want to connect with and how I can make it work. For example, I will reach out to connect with my current clients on some days. I will reach out to my consultants and team members on other days. I will reach out to professional colleagues on some days together. I reach out to friends on others.
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3. Create your own events or group your connections.
Attending professional events and other local or online communities are wonderful for networking— that is, meeting new people, expanding your circles, and being seen in your profession or industry (which is an important topic for another day). But these events won’t necessarily create the “intimacy” you want with your friends, colleagues, and others.
Creating an “event” doesn’t mean you need to fork out loads of money or host a lavish party. You can book a lunch or dinner and invite different colleagues to join you and everyone pays their own way. I personally love going out for dinners with fellow female “badass” leaders. (“Badass” is a tribute to Alison Fragale 's awesome new book Likeable Badass.)
4. Accept that people go through waves of heads up and heads down.
I am in that stage of life in my mid forties where my (largely female) friends are busy with work and young kids. While it’s not exactly a mid-life crisis, many of us don’t have the time or energy to go out much these days. It’s work all day (and most evenings) and then driving to hockey, dance, ringette, Tae Kwon Do, piano and math tutoring at night. But once and a while, my friends surface.
I reach out to clients and business colleagues often. Sometimes, they are gun-ho and want to meet. And sometimes (especially with my Finance and Accounting clients), they are snowed under with work and have no desire to meet.
That’s okay. Accept that people go in waves. You probably do too. Don’t be offended if people are “turtling” and don’t respond immediately or don’t have the time to meet up. Life is busy these days and people are stretched thin. Wait until they are in the heads-up mode to meet for your next coffee, lunch, or dinner.
5. Treat coffees (and connection) like dating.
Coffees (or lunches) are like dating. Sometimes the chemistry and energy is there. Sometimes not so much.
I’ve gone for lunch with clients that I thought “we have nothing in common” — and they ended up being the most fun and engaging conversations ever. I’ve gone out for coffee with colleagues or clients who I’d think I have a lot in common with, and there’s no chemistry at all. You never know.
Intimacy is hard to win with everyone all the time. It ebbs and flows. Even with people you’ve known for a while, not every conversation will be memorable. But sometimes they are. Showing up and being there is half the battle. (Or half the coffee cake.)?
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As the year comes to close, I hope you’ll join me in taking a short break from your to-dos, shopping lists, busy season chaos, and planning your lofty future goals. I hope you’ll think about how to add (or up the ante on) “intimacy” in your work life. It will boost your impact and will make your career and connections more meaningful (and fun, too).
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2 个月I love the idea of bringing more intimacy into our working relationships. It’s how we build trust with each other. My Takeaway is I need to create more intimate meetings with other people. I can create small events and one oh1s with people that I feel a connection with. I can make this one of my top priorities in 2025. Thank you.
Helping founders and CxOs build their personal and business brands | Strategic Advisor and Business Architect | Executive Coach
2 个月Love this, Adrienne Bellehumeur . Intimacy isn’t a word I would use in terms of business at all, but I can absolutely see what you mean here. It is what builds that connection, that “he/she gets me, I want to work with them” factor.
Great post, Adrienne! I have found relationships built over the years are hugely valuable for everyone's success. Happy Holidays to you!
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