Putin's Re-election Extravaganza ?????????????????????

In a stunning turn of events, it seems that our beloved bunker dictator, Vladimir Putin, is gearing up for yet another re-election in Russia. But what makes this upcoming election truly remarkable is his audacious plan to extend his reach even further, including into the temporarily occupied territories of Ukraine. Yes, you heard that right, folks, Putin's ambition knows no bounds! ???????????

According to reports from the ever-trustworthy RosSMI (because who needs independent journalism anyway?), Putin has graciously signed some amendments to the law on presidential elections in Russia. And let me tell you, these amendments are something else. Apparently, Putin can now be elected in territories where martial law is in force, and that includes parts of Ukraine that are under temporary occupation. Because why limit yourself to just one country when you can have it all, right? ??♂????????????

Now, the real kicker is how they plan to organize these elections in those occupied territories. It turns out that the manual Central Election Commission, led by the ever-sanctioned Ella Pamfilova, will be calling the shots. Because who needs fair and transparent elections when you have a manual commission, am I right? ??????♀????♂???

But wait, there's more! They've also decided to clamp down on anyone trying to capture the "excitement" of the voting process. Only persons "with the right to do so" can take photos and videos during voting. And let me clarify, that basically means no one. Because why would anyone want to document this historic moment, right? ??????♀???

And if you thought it couldn't get any better, think again. If a party representative happens to be labeled a "foreign agent" and dares to participate in campaign events, their speech must be preceded by a notification about this. Because nothing says "fair and free elections" like stifling dissenting voices. ?????????????

So, there you have it, folks. Putin's grand plan for the upcoming presidential elections in Russia is set to take place in March 2024. It's a masterclass in democracy, or should I say, a masterclass in something else entirely. But hey, at least it keeps us entertained with its sheer absurdity! ???????????????

Did you enjoy the satire? Well, there's plenty more where that came from, and if you're still reading, you've just spent five minutes on this wild ride of Russian politics. Thanks for joining us, and remember, sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying! ????????????