"Put your laptop away babe, you're in labour". An A-type workaholic entrepreneur's experience with transitioning into motherhood.

I was always so curious before I had a baby, what the hell that was going to look like whilst trying to also run a business. I'm not going to lie, I have spent most of my career being intensely business focused and it takes up a lot of my time. Another thing that weighed on my mind was my past experience with depression and anxiety and whether this would translate into post-natal depression given the stats that suggest past experiences do contribute to this diagnosis. Add to that, I've never been particularly maternal or baby obsessed so I was really unsure what this experience had in store.

It's very hard to describe this life-changing experience in one article as it is so nuanced. So instead, here's a glimpse and snapshot of my experience so that it may help anyone else that's pondering similar questions.

Birth

I'm a woman that likes to have a plan and I also rely heavily on data to make everyday business decisions. So when I got my due date, I immediately added 2+ weeks and set that date in my head given the likelihood of a firstborn being late, so that I could try to plan towards a more accurate timeline (the Kady that is now reading this back: LOL).

My waters broke at 5 am and I was in complete denial that this was indeed the start of my labour as it was in fact 9 days prior to our due date. I told my husband what happened and tried to convince him this couldn't actually be it because it's still at least 2 if not 3 weeks off. I proceeded to take my dog for a walk and get a (decaf) coffee. I was due in the office that day because my maternity leave was not due to start for another 2 days. I decided I better WFH just in case and emailed my meetings for the day offering Ellen's zoom link just to be on the safe side but I would probably still make the call (again: LOL).

As the afternoon progressed there was no denying it was on. As I was having a home birth I had nowhere I needed to go so I started rapidly recording loom videos for the team with handovers of where everything was up to. That evening, the contractions really started to ramp up but there were still about 7-10 mins in between. After a while, I started thinking I better approve next month's social media calendar because if there really is a baby coming tonight I don't want to have to do this next week so I snuck into the study to quickly fire off approvals when my husband caught me red-handed and told me where to put the laptop sharp-ish.

It's pretty funny looking back on this now but as a business owner there is never really an 'off' switch and I also do think there is a big dopamine hit when we achieve or tick things off. I'm not saying this is a good thing and I am working towards changing this conditioning. I want to raise it though as it is something to be mindful of as entrepreneurs and recognise.

Safe to say after another hour or two there was no way I could have sent an email no matter how much I wanted to (hint: I didn't). Birth definitely demands your full attention and a beautiful healthy baby girl was born at home.

The first 6 weeks

The first 2 weeks after birth I was in a newborn bliss bubble. And I was so surrounded with love from my incredible midwife, husband, brother and friends. Yes, I was in some pain for a few days and was mainly horizontal on the couch but I fell completely head over heels in love with my little baby. It did take a day or so for this to happen it was not an instant thing. The first day I was just shell-shocked and still unsure of what was going on. But I was so surprised at how quickly I took to being a mother to this tiny baby. My priorities virtually changed overnight as I cared for this little human. My first reaction was surprise at how easy it was to still do normal things for example if I wanted to check an email or call someone I could. I know that may seem like a funny thing to say but I honestly feel like I thought I was going into some sort of abyss where my entire life would be turned upside down. I think maybe because there is so much negative messaging around having babies (think: you will never sleep again, you will never go out and have a social life again etc), I was pleasantly surprised that that was absolutely not the case. Those first weeks we mainly stayed at home getting to know one another and I didn't look at my laptop even once! I had no interest in anything except getting to know this little bub and also taking the time for myself to recover and rest. For the first time in my life since starting my biz I did not open my laptop once. I was very lucky in that my team kept everything running smoothly in the background and did such a wonderful job of keeping everything on track.

I was planning to take 6 weeks fully off the grid but alas with a small business things tend to come up when you least expect and I had a few things pop up such as a resignation that I had no choice to deal with then and there. That was manageable to pop in and work on a plan with my management team and from here I found myself popping online for about an hour a day just to make sure things were ticking along well.

It was tricky because I had very little support those first few weeks once my husband went back to work full time and most of my family are overseas. I found myself trying to check on things during nap times but it was an extremely unproductive way of working. It was fine though as a temporary solution.

One of my most surprising lessons was just how much I changed in that I wanted to be a great mother for Elsie and be fully present when I was with her. I finally had an answer to the question I always pondered - "Will I be able to work while caring for a baby?". The answer is YES you can make anything work if you really want to. But can you work efficiently and in a really productive way? My answer is no, unless you have some help. And the key part of that answer is 'if you really want to'. When I'm with Elsie I want to just be with her and help her develop. I don't want to be glued to my laptop when I'm around her. So the new question I am asking myself is "How do I make my business work for me? How do I manage my time so that when I'm with her I am fully there and that I have some support in place for the times I want to work?"

Re-entering the working world

With the start of 2023 came the start of my new life as a working mom. I feel very fortunate that my husband and I both run our own businesses and can be flexible with our time. We are currently splitting the care of our beautiful little girl as well as working. The lessons I've learned here is that I have to plan ahead for everything and also have strict boundaries with my time. The old me would have ran for the hills if she saw my current google calendar. But the thing is if I don't plan ahead with my time, then every day I'm going to be scrambling. And sure, there will always be flexibility within this but it is a scaffold my week. I am working from home so taking breaks to nurse. And spending 1X day per week in the office in Double Bay.

Insight into my crazy cal right now. But I always remember, this is temporary and before we know it she'll be off to daycare and I'll miss her like crazy!

Postnatal anxiety

As I mentioned, I did not experience post-natal depression. I look at depression as an opportunity to build a better life and I don't say that flippantly as I have been medicated myself for years with no hope of getting out. But with the gift of hindsight, I can clearly see how I needed to go through that experience to deal with a lot of unresolved traumas.

I did however notice that my anxiety levels increased severely. It's hard to explain the contradictory feelings of knowing you need to take some time off and wanting to soak up every minute with your baby whilst also recognising your responsibilities did not disappear overnight and you are still ultimately responsible for so much. Couple that with poor sleep and a complete change of my normal routine and I did have an undercurrent feeling of being delirious. The body always keeps the score and I noticed I was grinding my teeth in my sleep so much that they are now cracked. I'm now revisiting a lot of my tools that have helped me in the past such as meditation (specifically from the Hoffman process which was life-changing for me), breathwork and journalling.

Moving Forward

I have never felt so clear on my goals and priorities. I used to grapple so much with always trying to make the best decision and show up as the best leader whereas now I see that there is no 'right' way of doing anything I just need to do what I feel is best for me and my family with the information I have at hand. I also feel a deep knowing that everything will work out regardless of what way the cards land so there is less struggle for trying to control the outcomes of certain situations. I question everything. Can I delegate this? Is this worth my time and will the outcomes be worth the effort? Is this worth spending an hour away from Elsie? I'm really appreciating what my strengths are and there is now a ruthlessness around how I manage my time and what I commit to.

As an entrepreneur, I've always lived life very spontaneously and focused more on the big picture and visions. I hate anything admin and organisation. This meme is an accurate reflection of this: https://www.instagram.com/p/Cnvzz4mLgAg/

But now I have a newfound respect for structure.

There is definitely a softer side of me emerging too where I'm no longer willing to grind and hustle the way I used to. I want to do what I do extremely well with people I love. If that means scaling back slightly then I'm fine with that. I'm proud of the business I have built and the work that we do. I now know my numbers and profit margins inside and out and I am more than Ok with running an amazing and profitable smaller business than grinding and constantly investing to scale, scale, scale. I love the quote from Gabby Bernstein, "I haven't lost my edge, I'm softening my edges".

I'm committed to creating a business and life that works for me rather than subscribing to the model society promotes of hustle culture and scale for scale's sake.

Who knows things might change again in 6 months and that is totally OK! But I wanted to document how I feel right now and my experience as I would have LOVED to read something like this when I was pregnant and in the big unknown. What I've learned is it's not babies that are hard. It's trying to do everything else while caring for a baby that is hard! So Kudos to all the parents out there that are making this wild ride work.

Please feel free to share with anyone you think this may help and I'd also LOVE to hear if you can relate or have gone through anything similar yourself.