Put this year behind you ....

So how are you feeling today? How do we even begin to answer that question? We are all STRUGGLING for the right words to convey or describe what we actually feel - overwhelm? confusion? uncertainty? lost? burntout? Or just FINE (truly meaning ffed off, irritated, neurotic and exasperated) - exactly! And that is NORMAL and it really is ok to feel your feelings. What a bizarre surreal rollercoaster of a year of chaos and uncertainty, one of huge challenges and off the scale pressure on all fronts across the world. Are we now learning and facing that we cannot really control anything and that change and stillness should be possibly slightly embraced? Have we done this to our planet so that we now need to change, modify, improve and adapt our lives to this new normal.

No-one has been untouched in their lives - whether from those with the perceived best lifestyles in the public eye to all of us others with our jobs affected on all scales changed to WFH (or small businesses and huge sectors challenged or closed) and concern over our families and the health and welfare and the education and futures for our children, for our own health and mortality, and the affects on our personal marriages, partnerships and relationships (even our friendships have been tested beyond belief). This shocking virus is all we seem to talk about but it is all-consuming and unrelenting and an ongoing overwhelming TRAUMA. We are 'all in this together' indeed and all suffering at the same time from the relentless disbelief, disillusionment, despondency and some coping better than others but all being forced to SLOW DOWN. We are having to find new ways to work, to upskill, to educate ourselves or our kids with new technology or take steps to occupy our time and reduce our stress levels and maintain our mental health and WELLBEING. Time is something that we have never had before in such abundance and yet have always yearned for more of it - so in some bizarre way maybe this should be seen as something small but good in this moment of craziness in getting back more TIME for ourselves, our families and to focus on what really matters to each and every one of us.

We are all COPING differently and some are not actually coping at all so we must SUPPORT them over and above ourselves. However we and others are feeling is entirely unique and based on our own personal experiences, our inherent coping mechanisms and even our personalities and that really should be ok - we must help lift up those who aren't coping and TALK about it and be KIND.

Seekers may be finding new ways to learn hobbies. challenges or grow, retrain or do what they are passionate about or always wanted to try and they are the lucky ones as some are really unwell or reluctant or unable to face any more change. Even those who aren't usually home birds or hermits are now forced with finding short-term ways to enjoy or endure our homes for longer than we thought and other new innovative ways of still socialising and connecting with friends and to be entertained are opening up. Long term plans have pretty much evaporated so planning and focussing on the here and now and the present as a true form of MINDFULNESS is all we can really focus on right now.

As was once said 'Resistance is futile' we just need to just be because we are 'human BEINGS' not human doings and somehow find ways to be more patient and maybe even surrender.

The stages of any form of grief or bereavement and loss follows a pattern and this adjustment to our lives follows the same trajectory of Shock and Denial, Pain and Guilt, Anger and bargaining, and depression. Some or all of these stages have affected us with the change in our own lives and these bereavements of some kind and our focus on working out what is important, what our true values are and what really matters to us and the awareness of knowing that without our HEALTH - we have nothing. Health is truly WEALTH.

So it will ever end - we must have hope that there will be an upward turn at some point and hopefully soon so we can move to the next stage to process the reconstruction and working through what has happened and process what we will do next and to even find some acceptance and glimpses of joy in the madness.

We have all faced our own pain and even our anger and yet united in ADVERSITY somehow learnt to be strong and resilient and for that we should commend ourselves and our children. We have found the blessings in our neighbours and our community and what the key workers relentlessly do to help others. Hopefully we have previously enjoyed the blissful sunshine and novelty of the first lockdown in some tiny way as we baked banana bread, drank and ate more, did some DIY and caught up with some long overdue chores, refound our dreams and hopes and reunited with friends and family. Some however were literally trapped in their homes with no outside space or green to heal them or give any personal space to learn or work or lift their mood. This second lockdown we are now entering is filling most people with dread in the dark, winter months with more disbelief and overwhelm on the horizon, We are redefining what Christmas means and how we are going to be lucky to have someone to share it with at all and even if a limit to 6 people was challenging some of us we need to remember that some of us are still ill or grieving or have no-one to spend the day with or have any visitors in hospital or care and these at Christmas are the ones we need to be thinking of over and above ourselves. So light some candles, prepare a winter fire and HIBERNATE.

So in the gloom and doom let us try and dig deep, try as hard as we can muster to find some joy in the winter sun, the beauty of nature and Autumn golden leaves, the smiles from our loved ones, the roaring fires and twinkly lights, the joy of music and daylight and laughter and fresh nutritious food on the table and the safety of a warm roof over our head because we are the lucky ones and one day we will again be able to plan and roam free.

So use this time to reflect and hunker down and prepare for the storm ahead - we do have the coping skills from the previous lockdown so trust in that and know that all we can do right now is to be truly mindful to the present and to our feelings and uplift ourselves on a minute by minute or daily basis as much we can whilst supporting others and be GRATEFUL for what we even have.

We are all humbled and missing the power of human CONNECTION - the basic human need to just be around and hug others and share their positive ENERGY. The feeling is very different from the mis-communication and insecurities that can arise online and on texts and with the focus and attention of video conference it causes fatigue and distance with us burnt or worn out and drifting off to become daydreamers and procrastinators. This has been a huge challenge as an education system for our struggling youths to focus and be isolated.

The joys of the freedom that we once had were a gift - we had taken for granted the time to just socialise and to see friends, to travel freely around the world, to escape from our worries and now out of our control it is testing us to the limit. We are stuck in our own HEADSPACE with our own worries and not really acting in our hearts with periods of isolation and restriction it feels like we are being punished in some way. In this madness we are becoming more aware of how lucky we were before, how we were possibly not actually appreciating what we had and how complacent we all were to everything that was truly special. Our new focus is powerful oscillating between denial and acceptance but strength in knowing that others are all feeling similar loss and concerns and with some human kindness and patience and showing respect to others we can still overcome our differences and our struggles even with different views, experiences and perceptions of what we are facing and that is ok.

We all have high HOPE that next year will be different, better, safer, happier and that we can all once again re-unite, reframe, refocus and redefine what life, happiness, relationships, work and finding joy and LIFE is all about.

One way I have changed my thinking is with the joy of being the host presenter and founder co-producer on The Influential Women Podcast (with a fabulous all-women team) and men making up a growing percentage of our audience! I have chatted to incredible inspirational women that have literally uplifted my day and changed my mindset and will hopefully change and motivate yours. From authors to celebrities and advocates passionate about a cause to broadcasters they share their life, mantra, work influences and adversity they have smashed and overcome to be stronger from. Guests in the previous lockdown included trauma counsellors and Buddhist mindfulness coaches and a lady who was an ex-prisoner talking about captivity and women who have pivoted their businesses to teach us how to be more resilient or learn more confidence. I am seeking partners, sponsors, advertisers, collaborators and more inspirational guests so shout if you want to be involved and I have been watching webinars on coping strategies, dealing with uncertainty and how to support others suffering with anxiety and depression or overwhelm and burnout.

This has been one of our toughest global challenges to face and businesses and people are really suffering but hope and fear cannot co-exist and by reminding yourself of what you are grateful for it may help our own awareness and PERSPECTIVE and our MINDSET cope with constant unhelpful challenges and ANXIETY.

We all have the need to crave for CERTAINTY and CONTROL but any certainty may be some time away so all we can do is be mindful of what is infront of us and find little glimpses of JOY in our homes, in nature, in what life gives us for free, in talking to loved ones and planning fun things ahead and staying well.

So just coast, draw breath and focus on what you can control and seek to find some joy in the small things and surrender to what is next.... BREATHE

and listen to the Influential Women podcast on all platforms and subscribe for free and out every other Tuesday for some life hacks and tips to cope with what you are dealing with right now. Join the Influential Women Podcast facebook group, follow Insta - influential_women_podcast and on twitter @Influential Pod and yours truly @NickiHBC and share any conversations with me. Stay safe xx