Put Down Your Phone – Improve A Generation

One of my kids recently overheard someone else talking about how I carry myself. They later asked me about this comment and I said it had to do with my life experiences. They said, "like your confidence, is that what they were asking you about?" - I explained that confidence is often the end result, but one can't just be propped up with confidence without substance and life experiences.

I started to think back on different experiences that led me to carry myself a certain way. I was hesitant in what story I wanted to share and its impact. Perhaps scars told the toughest stories, but then again maybe it’s what I have seen along the way and the people that I have met. What's interesting is many of the stories that molded me, were not always positive experiences, but lessons I definitely learned along the way. Some of the most memorable ones were quite humbling experiences for me but with each one, I tried to grow from it and improve. 

It is a good reminder to share with your kids or your mentee some of the path you took to get to where you are today. There are cross roads and decisions along the way, often times mentors/teachers/parents/sponsors help provide some insight of that road you are on. I swung a hammer through college and was a martial arts instructor for extra money. I invested time in my relationships with people and tried to always go above and beyond, this created natural opportunities to present themselves. Take a look below, don't let moments pass by like this, it is sad.

As a parent, coach, mentor, manager and leader we have unique opportunities to provide some guidance and impact future lives. My oldest child is a Gen Z and the life they live with electronics, phones/video/Netflix/internet/Youtube is one that I cannot always relate to or imagine. 

It seems that most people will google a question before asking a friend/parent/colleague their experience on a topic. Netflix has been streaming video for 10 or 11 years now, I'm not even sure if kids nowadays can appreciate commercials or would even have the patience for a theme song at the beginning of their favorite TV show. 

They experience instant responses from friends and have no clue what it is to call another person’s home and have to speak to a parent for a few minutes or to be using the library’s computer for homework or the family’s computer sitting in the open. How many of them have had the chance to talk face to face with a friend through a personal situation? This all impacts the way they are learning to build relationships and the depth of trust that is consistently being built between them and others. The constant competition and comparing their lives to others is unhealthy. Followers are not going to show up when you are in a battle.

What are some things we can do to help create more productive members of society and a strong future workforce: 

1. Put down your phone and talk to our kids: what's going on these days at school? How is your friend so and so doing?
2. Put down your phone and have dinner together: What are you thinking about getting your boyfriend/girlfriend for Christmas? Who's your favorite teacher/professor? Tell me 3 great things about your day? Who has the best story from school today?
3. Put down your phone and go for a walk, even better go for a walk in a local park/nature center: Did I ever tell you about the time your Uncle and I got turned around in a cedar swamp in the upper peninsula? Sit down for a minute (without your phone in your hand) and watch nature, hear the birds, watch the squirrels and take a break from reality.
4. Put down your phone and drive your car: Prove to your kids that they matter to you by engaging them in discussion, by singing a song and at least lead by example by not texting and driving! Also – you brought them into this world, do not be selfish by replying to a text or an email when your kids are trusting you to get them to the destination safely!
5. Put down your phone and watch a movie together: Leave the house, go see a movie together, sit in silence for 2 hours without any text messages, snapchat or whatever social media and enjoy a movie together. That bonding time and the memory from that movie will last and maybe they will share that same movie with their kids one day. Take them for a meal afterwards and talk about the movie, what characters did they like/not like and what resonated with them? Drive home the important message.
6. Put down your phone and ask them about their job and future career: Do you have a friend at work that you trust? What does your manager's boss do day to day? Do you understand how the company makes money and have any ideas about things they could improve to be more efficient? Talk about the steps in your career, the roles you have had and what things you would do different hind sight? What do they love about their job, what do they not enjoy doing as much, what are they passionate about?
7. Put down your phone and ask them some real questions that may be impacting them or their friends: Do you have any friends that are vaping, use drugs, drink or cut themselves? Why do you think they are doing that? Do you think their parents know this is going on? Where are their parents at when they are doing this stuff? What do you and your friends say to them about this?
8. Put down your phone and actually watch the game: I have found myself trying to record sporting events and moments, but with my phone out, maybe I answer that text or reply to that work email, it will save me time later so why not? Because it is more important to live in the moment, to experience the atmosphere and to attend as many games as possible, but you have to be present.
9. Put down your phone and hit the gym: Emphasize the importance of staying in shape, eating right, drinking right and how important it is to stay active. Teach your child how to block and strike, teach them how to hit a heavy bag, and encourage them to stretch and run. Talk about how picking teams have changed over the years or why dodgeball is played less often, they need to understand these things. Teach them to go to see the dermatologist and the importance of regular doctor’s checkups and physicals.
10. Put down your phone and listen to those breakup or “fight” situations with their significant other: What’s going on with that situation? What did he or she say when you explained how you felt? Encourage them to improve their communication style, take it out of texts/snap chat and have a face to face discussion. Perhaps some compromise or a different perspective is in order. Help them to work through these relationship issues whether with a friend/pal or significant other as we don’t want people to always take the easy way out. Life is not easy and it requires effort.
11. Put down your phone and share some stories: Kids and mentees love a good story, make it relevant, not long winded and engage them in why you told the story. 
12. Pick up your phone and youtube some old music videos and laugh together – it’s classic! I figured I needed to change up the tone as it started getting intense.

We need to be real and authentic. It’s important to consistently keep dialogue going with your kids or team members at work. Too often we lose our footing on where we have come from foundationally. It’s much easier to focus on your roots, what really drives you and what you are passionate about. Your parents and mentors helped instill values in you, how to treat people and how important it is to keep on learning and improving. Its critical to share these very values with others, be empathetic as everyone is going through something, pay it forward.

If we could allow our kids learn to overcome obstacles, I think there is some real value in battling some adversity in life and appreciating the underdog. Making sure they understand what it feels like to hustle to make ends meet. It’s refreshing to come across those out there with that always trying to prove themselves type of mentality. When you come from a family with humble beginnings and experience what it feels like to live paycheck to paycheck, there are some natural adjustments that you learn to make to adapt. Teaching them not to judge a book by its cover and to listen more closely to people. I remember my Dad saying to me at a young age "It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog." – this is a classic quote from Mark Twain.

Pay it forward, mentor someone, be a friend and help guide someone to be a productive member of society.

Thanks for reading, I appreciate you taking the time.

Hal Lanfear IV