The Pushmi-Pullyu Struggle

Does anyone else remember the pushmi-pullyu animal from Dr Doolittle? (I loved that book when I was a kid!) This was a creature with no tail but a head at each end, which meant it could always see where it was going but if both heads were not working together to go in the same direction then it went nowhere (the photo above is from the 1967 movie). Is there anyone who hasn’t felt at some time like this is how their life is going?!

In order to create any change in our lives we must understand a combination of push and pull factors: what is pushing us away from our current situation and what is pulling us towards a new reality. Getting clear on both these factors will help us sustain any actions we decide upon to make change.

All push, no pull

Often we get stuck at the point where we know we are not happy with our current career, relationship or lifestyle, however we are struggling to move on because we really don’t know what we want instead. We continue going about our day to day lives with a niggling sense of dissatisfaction but not taking active steps to change things, in other words we feel the push but because we don’t know what the pull is then we have no clarity on direction.

Using visualisation to uncover the pull

Visualisation is a powerful tool, and one that I use in my coaching work to help clients picture what it is they really want to move towards.?The aim is to create a positive emotional attractor, which will draw us forward. Research has shown that when we are focusing on these positive images we activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which reduces stress, and opens our minds to new possibilities, encouraging creativity and problem-solving capabilities.

A fantastic exercise to start figuring out where you want to go is to give yourself the opportunity to reflect on how you want your life to look in 3, 5 or 10 years time. You can do this for any time-frame but it is best to choose one which feels far enough away to give you an opportunity to make meaningful changes but not too far that it seems pointless to think about.

Imagine your ideal life

Close your eyes, take some deep breaths and focus inwards, – if all in your life goes brilliantly well, how do you want to be spending your time, where will you be, who will you be with, and how will you feel? Just sit with this for 5-10 minutes, making these images as vivid as you can in your mind’s eye. I recommend considering all aspects of your life, so that you think about (just some examples):

• What do I do at work all day?
• What excites me about my work?
• What am I proud of?
• What makes my work meaningful?
• What kind of environment am I working in?
• What kind of people are around?
• How do I spend my free time?
• What is my relationship with my family like?
• What community groups am I involved in?
• What do I do for my physical, emotional, spiritual and mental health?
• In what ways do I live in alignment with my values?

Try breathing the visualisations into your body so that you really feel and connect with those images. The more descriptive and specific you can make these images the more they will provide the necessary pull factor.

Once you have beautiful clear images in your mind then take 15-20 minutes to get all these thoughts and ideas down on paper, with no self-censorship. Don’t worry about how unrealistic they may be and don’t edit or judge them. If possible do this exercise again 3-4 days in a row, and you will find that you start to really flesh out your vision for your future.

Share your visions

Reading and writing down your visions is a great start to activating change but if you are feeling brave and want to take this further then open these conversations with your loved ones and look for a way to inspire shared visions for your family or business.

The more often we can focus on these positive images the stronger the activation of our parasympathetic nervous systems and the more we will open up to social connection, openness and creativity.

Being able to access these long term images, visualise where we want to get to, and understanding our motivations is key to pushing through when change is hard, as it inevitably is!

And if you want to get your pushmi-pullyu moving the right way you really need to get clarity on where you want him to go!

As a character from another of my favourite children’s books said:

"If you don't know where you're going, any road will get you there." - Cheshire Cat, Alice In Wonderland

If you would like support in finding clarity around your direction and setting goals to get you there please contact me at?[email protected] .

with love

Sue