Pushing back against the edge of “not enough”

Hello Everyone! Welcome to On This Walk, a reflection on the winding journey of life in all its realness. We explore intimate, meaningful conversations surrounding pressing life questions, strolling through both the tension points and choice points that can move us closer to our deeper, authentic lives.?

Beginning with a compassionate exploration of our inner landscape, we seek to bring this essence and these gifts into our lives, relationships, and work, creating a life that feels aligned and authentic inside and out.?

Let’s go On This Walk together.

Do you ever have feelings of “not enough”? Like you’re not strong enough? Not young enough? Not smart enough? These are feelings that come up for everyone. Sometimes they’re so present, we don’t even notice them.?

I like to call these moments of not enough an edge, a sharp edge. They aren’t a wall that you’re hitting or an emptiness that you can’t get around. They’re an edge that can be expanded by sitting with ourselves, asking questions, and building community.?

When these feelings of inadequacy come up, the question beneath them is: who am I? We may be asking: Who am I to write this newsletter? Who am I to share these stories? Who am I to hold a leadership role? Who am I to matter??

When we really sit with these questions, we often learn that they have been following us around for a long time. These feelings of not enough are scary to face. They require us to be vulnerable.?

Now, when it comes to vulnerability, I like to refer back to Brené Brown. But there’s a specific point that I’m talking about here. When we’re sitting with our own vulnerability, she asks, “What’s the story you’re telling yourself in that moment?” It’s likely to be something about vulnerability equating to weakness. We tend to hide from vulnerability in ourselves because we don’t want to appear weak or small.?

But she encourages her listeners to think of how we’ve felt when we’ve heard someone else be vulnerable. Do we think of them as weak? No, we think of them as courageous and strong. Why don’t we extend that compassion to ourselves??

A lot of us, when we’ve been hurt or when we’re feeling not enough, will follow an impulse to hide. But when we share with each other and hold space with each other, that’s when we can truly be vulnerable, and vulnerability is the path to pushing against the edge of not enough, expanding our understanding of ourselves and what we’re capable of.

When we are vulnerable with others, they can hold space for us and mirror back our experiences. From there, we can find universal patterns. These patterns provide us with a better understanding of ourselves and those around us. And only then, can someone come up to you, tap you on the shoulder, and say, your story was so meaningful to me.

We have no idea what impact our story can have on other people. There’s power in our stories, not only because they are our unique experiences, but because the connections that sharing our stories foster reminds us that there’s something much bigger going on here. What we’re going through, collectively, is unbelievably important. And none of us are experiencing it alone.?

I’ll share a story of my own.

I used to do a lot of speaking at graduate-level trainings. While at one, right before I go up to teach a piece about storytelling, I was talking with a couple graduates about how to apply what we were talking about, not just in the coaching practice, but in their lives. And I start telling a story that gets me choked up, and then the people I’m speaking to are getting choked up. And we’re in the middle of this really deep moment. Then, I hear one of my colleagues say, “Ok, Luke, back up on stage. We’re going to begin the training. Everybody come back to your seats.”

And I walk straight from this very intimate, vulnerable conversation to the stage. I’m sharing a story in front of the audience, and at one point I mention my father, and my voice cracks. I recognize that I’m at a point where I’ve got a choice to make:?

Am I going to stay in this moment of vulnerability and share from my heart? Or am I going to do what I’ve pretty much always done, which is step back for a moment, take a breath, and then come back calm, cool, and collected?

On that day, I chose the former, spoke with tears in my eyes and my voice cracking, and I’m so thankful that I did.?

I share this because, we are all going to find these moments where we’re on that edge of sharing, the edge of opening into that vulnerability. And, at some point, we need to choose not to retreat.

So I encourage you to ask:

What would happen if you were vulnerable? If you were open about what you’re experiencing or feeling? Don’t make it about anyone else, but solely about you and what you need to share. Be honest with yourself and all that you’re feeling. And see how far you can push back against the edge of not enough.

Until we go On This Walk again, be well.

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