In pursuit of imperfection

Once upon a time I landed my first full spectrum head of HR role for a great brand. Having taken a couple of weeks off between jobs, I sat at a rooftop bar, looking out on Sydney harbour and sipping champagne to celebrate. It was a clear night, the view was spectacular. Here I was on the other side of the world, this kid from the Black Country, about to embark on another new global professional adventure in Hong Kong. In reality, I spent a millisecond congratulating myself for my accomplishment, before reminding myself that my organization design skills were academic, that the new rock star jeans I had bought for my first day were a 12 and not a 10 and that I still hadn’t managed to run that half marathon. I had a boyfriend at the time, but had it not been the case, I dare say I’d have berated myself for my perpetual state of love pariah.??I write this because I know I am not alone. Over the years I’ve become pretty adept at recognizing my own patterns in others I've worked with. The incessant struggle to be the best at everything you do. Feeling the need to be the smartest person in the room.??The all or nothing approach to… well… pretty much everything.??This all sounds exhausting because it is. Perfectionism keeps us busy.?

On my side, I’d say it took me a good 15-20 years to recognize these patterns of perfectionism at play. That’s a lot of time spent accumulating accomplishments and beating yourself up in the process. I recall an executive coach once asking me who it was all for?(cue blank face).?

Often, this need to be perfect begins in childhood. Somewhere along the way, we form a belief that our self-worth is dependent upon our achievements. We draw a conclusion that love is conditional. Maybe we received too much praise, maybe we didn’t receive enough. Who knows? Whatever the reason, we can spend whole lifetimes repeating destructive behaviours. Ugh. I digress a little, but as mum of a four year old girl, this kills me….

Breaking the cycle is no walk in the park, because in reality, our perfectionism serves us. The corporate world is the first place to reward us for the fruits of our insecurities. When self-worth is tied to productivity and continual achievement, we can just keep rolling in the endless pursuit of proving our value to ourselves and others.??As busy workaholics, we receive that validation we’re seeking in the form of praise, recognition, promotions and spangly new job titles.??These go a long way in boosting (albeit temporarily) our self-esteem. And yes, we just keep plugging away, because we believe our worlds would come crumbling down if we ever let go of these incredibly high standards.??Yet the?uncomfortable truth is that the?cost of our pursuit for perfectionism far outweighs the benefits. Firstly, it’s incredibly anti-social in a work environment. When we’re constantly comparing ourselves to others, how solid are our work relationships,?really? Then there’s the fact that no-one, including our own team members, will ever stack up to our incredibly high standards. Yes, even heavily disguised, perfectionists are annoying to be around. In an age where agility feels like the number one capability to build, there’s a limit to how much an perfectionist can innovate! Sure, they’ll strive for the best “what”, but perfectionism by default requires rigidity and control in “how” things get done. Holding ourselves to impossibly high standards also takes its toll on our physical and mental wellbeing.??Those poor old adrenal glands can only take so much….

The greatest irony? It’s what we perceive as “failure” that sets us free.?Not getting that promotion, making a bad career move, messing up that presentation, not hitting the project deadline…..These are the things that ultimately benefit us more than anything on our long and stellar list of spectacular achievements.??We learn that not only we can survive, but that we can thrive beyond these somewhat inevitable disappointments. There’s the opportunity for us to become an even better, more humble, and perhaps more measured version of ourselves. Why? Because we realise that our worst fears did not come true. Our worlds did not come crumbling down. We start to understand that we are still loveable despite (and perhaps because of) our imperfections. This realisation can be so liberating. Harnessed,??it can give us so much energy to strive harder, yet smarter and to let others in. When we stop vying for the impossible standard, we create so much space for true growth.