On the Pursuit of Happiness

This post was originally published on my personal blog. With the recent pandemic, I am sure you would likely agree as well that the lines between personal and professional have been greatly blurred and work-life has became even more real as being one integrated entity rather than two separate ones. In a good way I feel. I hope this article can bless and spur your day on, positively with "educated" hope & truth.

Can you manufacture happiness??

Turns out, you can. Psychology has evolved so much through the years. In the past, people use Psychology to put a helping lens on mental illness issues but it has now expanded to focus on you and I, on how we can further improve our wellbeing, how can we use the tools within our will and control to improve our overall wellbeing. How can we be happier?

I have started a course on "The Science of Wellbeing" developed and delivered by Yale's Laurie R Santos. Of course, knowing is only half way to winning the battle. Well at least with knowing we are half way there. If you are interested to find out more, here it is:?https://www.coursera.org/learn/the-science-of-well-being

It is interesting to know that Happiness is not just how we usually view it to be, an emotion/ a state driven by positive ocassions. Martin Seligman purports the concept of Happiness as being segmented into 3 parts - Pleasure, Flow and Meaning. Overall he coined this as "The New Era of Psychology".?(https://www.ted.com/talks/martin_seligman_the_new_era_of_positive_psychology?language=en)?

In short,?Pleasure?is that feeling of happiness we get when we do things that pleases us such as having an ice-cream or going to a concert, receiving a gift etc.?Flow?on the other hand is a state of absorption, when we lose track of time. This can be when we are painting, focusing on a task, enjoying that sunset etc. - in a flow/ groove of things. The 3rd (in no particular order) is?Meaning.?Having the sense of Meaning/ Value. Doing things for others, being part of something greater than us, standing up for a cause for example. They do not gives us the immediate happy emotion but it brings about the longer lasting feeling of contentment, of joy. A good way of comparing?Pleasure?and?Meaning, one is receiving gift (this can come with a feeling of obligation, of a social contract etc.) however when we freely give our time/ words/ kindness/ time/ any sorts, genuinely without any expectations for reciprocity, we get that longer lasting feeling of quiet peace and happiness or joy.?

Another thing I learned is in the definition of "Values". It does not actually mean "virtues" rather its more on answering the question as to what matters to you? Having gained better clarity on what value means, for myself for example, I would say that what I value is not the virtue of kindness rather it is on human relationships/ connections as well quality time with the ones who matter on top of continuous learning and at having a sense of contribution towards others' development. In knowing this, at least I know better now as to what to look out for and to be in a job where I can be of real value add, to be able contribute towards positive change and continuously learning at the same time. Definitely one where human relationships and connections can be forged, beyond merely meeting bottom line.

Back to the topic of happiness, of course, in order to "manufacture" happiness, our actions need to align towards our values. For example, if relationship and connections with people matter, are we dedicating enough time for that? Are we putting enough effort or even creating check-in routines? Are we setting time to do things that allow us to be in the "flow" of things? Making effort to meet in person in responsible, safe manner (especially right now with our Zoom and virtual era)?

Another part on happiness sort of straddles with the concept of "self-compassion". I am sharing this here on a slightly more professional medium as many at times, we get fed with so much messages on how we can be better, how we can move forward, what else we need to know, even on how we can be fitter individuals but more often than not, we forget that health is that in the mind as much as it is in the body. It is in the "self-talk", in that resilience of the mind and of course externally projected in what we all hear very often too as "emotional intelligence" and less commonly coined "emotional & mental resilience". So how can you be a happier and more resilient person? Give equal attention to your mind, body and soul, not any more than the other.

Here's an excerpt on Self-Compassion:

"There is growing evidence that self-compassion is an important predictor of well-being and resilience (Barnard & Curry, 2011; MacBeth & Gumley, 2012). Neff (2003a, 2003b) proposes that self-compassion involves treating yourself with care and concern when considering personal inadequacies, mistakes, failures, and painful life situations. It comprises three interacting components: self-kindness versus self-judgment, a sense of common humanity versus isolation, and mindfulness versus over-identification.

Self-kindness refers to the tendency to be caring and understanding with oneself rather than being harshly critical. Rather than attacking and berating oneself for personal shortcomings, the self is offered warmth and unconditional acceptance (even though particular behaviors may be identified as unproductive and in need of change). Similarly, when life circumstances are stressful, instead of immediately trying to control or fix the problem, a self-compassionate response might entail pausing first to offer oneself soothing and comfort.

The sense of common humanity in self-compassion involves recognizing that humans are imperfect, that all people fail, make mistakes, and have serious life challenges. Self-compassion connects one’s own flawed condition to the shared human condition, so that features of the self are considered from a broad, inclusive perspective."

I have realised too that generally people who are overly critical of others/ cynical in general, tend to be less compassionate on themselves too. On hindsight, don't you think the world will be a much better place if we all learn to love, be kind and compassionate towards ourselves first? A person who doesn't know how to love themselves or worse still if they don't even realise that they don't, are not just hard on themselves generally but on others as well, especially those closest to them, their team, their partners, their children and spouse for example. If you love yourself, you will naturally love your loved ones too.

Especially over the times of pandemic and uncertainty, the concept of mental wellbeing is every more pertinent than ever. If you have been going for your physical workouts 2-3 times a week, why not do the same for your mental wellbeing as well? Create routines around how you can do that, just like how you create routines around physical wellness. And if haven't yet started for either, it is never too late! We all want to be happy don't we? ;)

Hope this blesses someone. Let's work on a sustainably happier version of ourselves!