The Pursuit of Enough: The Plight of a Modern Working Mom with a Looming High School Reunion

Everything that I ever thought I wanted turned to be fool's gold.

For years, I chased what I believed would lead to a well-lived life: happiness, attention, virality.

But each triumph proved fleeting.

So I turned to the big leagues. I fell in love, got married, and after a long struggle with infertility, had a baby. I thought surely, this would make everything right, that I'd finally feel complete.

Yet, even with the joys of my family that I fought so hard for, a deep, aching sense of inadequacy persisted.

It wasn’t until the prospect of my high school reunion arose recently that I began to really question what was stirring inside me.

Why, with a seemingly perfect setup, good high school memories, a chance to showcase my first published book and brag on how I've done so far, was I hesitating to attend?

The truth hit hard; what I've truly craved, and never fully felt, was feeling like I was enough.

Throughout my late twenties and early thirties, each life stage came with its own set of expectations.

Marry before thirty, then feel 'enough.'

Have a baby, then feel 'complete.'

When I finally had Isla, I looked at her squinty, glassy little newborn eyes and smiled. Surely, this perfect, precious little girl would make me feel like enough.

But, instead, I found new depths of worry: about her health, my abilities as a first time mom, and my capabilities balancing new motherhood and a career.

Things only got worse when I returned to the office. My calendar, once packed, now had gaping holes.

I wasn't the experienced, top rated speaker I used to be anymore after years of virtual gigs and being out of practice, while I enviously watched others take my spots on prestigious stages.

My confidence, once unshakeable, now trembled.

See, it turns out becoming a wife and mother didn't fill the enoughness void for me; it expanded it.

I lay awake at night, haunted by a sense of only being part-mom, part-wife, part-professional, never fully fitting any role.

It feels like watching a movie about my life where I'm just an extra, not the star.

But lately, I've realized that I don't feel whole in any area because I've been measuring my worth by the wrong standards.

A woman should be defined by her character, strength, humour, not just by her relation to others (which, by the way, are pretty damn near impossible standards to meet).

So, as I've spent the last month ruminating about this freaking reunion, which is ironically coincidental, considering my upcoming book is on networking with social anxiety, I think I've finally reached a comfortable place.

Maybe the pursuit of 'enough' isn't about reaching a destination or milestone but about realizing that simply being me, in all my roles as a mother, wife, and professional, will do just fine.

So...as scary as it is, I'm going to reach out to the organizer to see if there are tickets for tomorrow.

And while the wife/mom guilt isn't likely to disappear anytime soon, let's be real, and I would be lying if I said I'm not frustrated that this isn't a season of absolutely killing it in my career, I'm going to take the advice that I always give my own clients...

Start with where you are, with what you have.

I'm ready to tackle this event not just as a networking opportunity but as a personal challenge to just show up anyway.

Here’s to finding enough in the chaos and knowing that's more than okay.

This is a bit different than my normal newsletters so I hope that it's made somebody reading this feel like they aren't alone. And if you loved it, I would love if you'd share some thoughts in the comments or share it with your LinkedIn connections.

Until next time...

Love and coffee, Mick