Purpose, Pause, and Choices: A Journey to Self-Discovery

Have you ever stopped to think about your purpose in life? Since childhood, every action we take seems to serve some purpose. When we were small, our parents shaped our lives and our purpose was just to follow their guidance. As we grew older, our purpose shifted—new goals, new expectations, new pressures. In college, we grappled with questions: Should I pursue engineering? Medicine? Should I follow my dream to become a cricketer, singer, or entrepreneur?

But here’s the real question: Who designs our purpose?

You will find that quite often it’s society, our family, or circumstances that dictate our choices. We attribute this design to destiny or luck, without questioning it.?

There are exceptions, no doubt, people who are clear about their goals. Probably because they are getting the right environment to design their own life or because they have some strong will power to achieve.?

But statistics suggest that only about 20% of people find clarity in their life's purpose. The remaining 80% struggle with:

• Dissatisfaction
• Feeling unfulfilled
• A persistent sense of emptiness

But in spite of all this we seem scared to confront it.?

The biggest reason is fear. Fear of confronting the unknown, fear of taking ownership of our own lives.

The Difference Between Need and Purpose

This brings me to a confusion that most people face - between need with purpose. A need is a requirement—earning money to support a family, for instance. For many, this becomes their lifelong “purpose.” They work tirelessly from their 20s to 50s, only to look back and wonder, Is this all there is to life?

Finding the purpose of life is deeply tied to understanding ourselves—a skill that, unfortunately, no one really teaches us. Not parents, not teachers, not our environment. We’re rarely encouraged to spend time with ourselves or shown why it’s important. This lack of guidance leaves many people disconnected from their own feelings, interests, and strengths.

Instead, we’re often pushed to fit into predefined moulds.

How Parents Are Playing a Big Role

Recently, I became a grandmother to a baby boy, and as he grows and begins exploring the world, I find myself reflecting on this more. He’s just starting to talk, move around, and discover things, and I’ve been telling my daughter to let him be—to let him play freely and explore without constantly interrupting or directing him. This freedom is important because even as children, we start internalizing the expectation that someone is always watching, judging, or guiding us. That can stunt our ability to develop self-awareness.

From a young age, we are given direction—sometimes necessary, sometimes excessive. Parents often try to shape their child’s life based on their observations of strengths and weaknesses, but what if, instead, they offered the tools for children to explore and grow independently? The early years, especially ages one to five, are crucial because what we learn during this period gets embedded deeply in our subconscious. It's during this time that children need active support—not through control, but through opportunities to build independence.

A Generational Issue

Many times, parents or caregivers unintentionally neglect a child’s emotional needs—not out of indifference, but because they were never taught these things themselves. Parents raise children in the way they were raised, perpetuating cycles of unawareness. This can lead to a lack of understanding about our own strengths and passions as we grow. Without that foundation, it’s easy to feel lost, unsure of what we want, or why we’re doing what we do.

But when children are taught early on to spend time with themselves, to make decisions, and to reflect, they develop a sense of agency. They learn to navigate life on their own terms, designing a path that aligns with their inner values. This foundation enables them to handle challenges and create their own destiny—something I strongly believe in.

Destiny is not something handed to us; it’s something we create. Self-awareness and independence are the keys to this creation. It’s a mindset parents can instill early, by encouraging their children to explore freely, make mistakes, and reflect on their experiences. These habits, when nurtured, can empower a child to live intentionally and authentically.

As a parent or grandparent, your role is not to design your child’s life for them but to provide a safe space where they can design it themselves. That’s the greatest gift we can offer the next generation. It’s about giving them the freedom to play, think, and grow, while gently guiding them toward self-discovery and independence. When children are encouraged to understand themselves, they can truly shape their own futures with confidence and clarity.

The Power of Taking a Pause

In our fast-paced lives, we rarely pause to reflect. Yet taking a pause is essential. It’s during these moments that we reconnect with ourselves and find clarity.

How do we pause effectively? Through breathing.

Breathing is the one constant companion throughout our lives. It reflects our emotions—fast and shallow when we’re anxious, deep and steady when we’re calm. Yet, how many of us truly pay attention to it?

Take a moment now. Close your eyes. Observe your breath. Is it fast? Slow? Relaxed? Anxious?

Breathing anchors us to the present moment. It helps us pause, reflect, and reset. Through mindful breathing, we can detach from the chaos around us and begin to uncover our true purpose.

My Story: From Homemaker to Guide

Today, I stand before you not as a teacher with textbook knowledge but as someone who has walked through the challenges and triumphs of life. My story is not just about survival; it’s about transformation. From being a homemaker to navigating life as a single parent, I’ve learned lessons that no book could ever teach. This is my soul’s calling—to share those lessons with you.

Let me ask you a question: Are you truly satisfied with your life? Many of us have everything we thought we needed—money, security, and even recognition—but still feel an emptiness. Why? Because the life we’re living often isn’t designed by us. It’s shaped by society, family expectations, or circumstances we didn’t choose.

When things go wrong, it’s easy to deflect responsibility. “Why should I take ownership of something I didn’t create?” we think. But here’s the truth: unless you take responsibility, you’ll never have the power to redesign your life. And redesigning your life starts with one crucial step—taking a pause.

So here's my Framework for Purposeful Living

1. Self-Discovery: Spend time with yourself. Understand your strengths, weaknesses, and interests.
2. Pause Regularly: Incorporate moments of reflection into your day. Start with mindful breathing.
3. Take Ownership: Accept 100% responsibility for your choices and outcomes.
4. Encourage Independence: Whether for yourself or your children, foster an environment that allows for exploration and growth.

If something feels off in your life, don’t ignore it. Pause, breathe, and ask yourself: Am I living my purpose? If the answer is no, it’s never too late to make a change.

Let’s Begin

Take this moment to observe your breath again. Feel it. Own it. Let it guide you toward clarity and purpose.

Because purpose isn’t given—it’s discovered. And it begins with a single pause.