Purpose ("Blindsided by the Inevitable")

Have you heard this story before from friends and colleagues?

?“My mom was one of those people who could talk about your problems until you were bored with them. We talked about everything except one thing: how she wanted to live at the end of her life.?

Once or twice when we heard about a relative or friend who was comatose or on a feeding tube, she would say, “If I’m like that, pull the plug.” But, of course, when the time came there was no plug.?

In my mom’s last years of life, she was no longer able to decide what she wanted for dinner, let alone what she wanted for medical treatment. So the decisions fell to me. Another bone marrow biopsy? A spinal tap? Pain treatment? Antibiotics? I was faced with cascading decisions for which I was wholly unprepared. After all the years I had written about these issues, I was still blindsided by the inevitable.?

The last thing my mom would have wanted was to force me into such bewildering, painful uncertainty about her life and death. I realized only after her death how much easier it would have all been if I heard her voice in my ear as these decisions had to be made. If only we had talked about it. And so I never want to leave the people I love that uneasy and bewildered about my own wishes. It’s time for us to talk.”?

Ellen Goodman, Pulitzer Prize Columnist Founder of the Conversation Project

LOVE NOTES, To My Family & Friends is a tool for you to write down your final thoughts and feelings for those you hold close to your heart. Leave them a journal of favorite memories but also an important roadmap on what to do after you are gone. This is your last opportunity to say in the moment “You are special to me” or “I’m sorry.” If you are at a loss for words and have difficulty expressing your feelings of love and support or sorrow and regret, put it down in writing.?

Your “Final Notes” can ease the burden of your loved ones and be your last gift and farewell.