Purity Culture and its Impact on Women

I grew up in purity culture. You know, the one that defines women by what they wear, saving themselves for their future husbands, being proper and polite, and being responsible for the thoughts and feelings of men and how tempted they are around us.?

I remember the skit at a Christian camp where a girl spit chewed up skittles into another girl's hand and asked, “how does it feel to get something that’s been used?” - adults applauded and cheered.?

I remember a professor sending me a scathing email all but calling me a slut because I had taken my cardigan off which exposed my halter top, in a classroom where the air conditioner had stopped working - it was 90 degrees.?

I remember the girl who got kicked out of school because she was pregnant and unwed - she had decided to keep the baby.

I remember being pulled into a room with the other female interns at a well-known entertainment company, with leadership telling us we were distracting several men from doing their jobs - the way we dressed and acted was “tempting them.”

I remember women giving their testimony in church, the only time they were allowed to speak at the pulpit, to talk about how they had an abortion and it never stopped haunting them - even after they sought forgiveness.?

I remember the friend who told me she had been raped by a classmate but couldn't report it for fear of getting kicked out of school because she had been drinking when it happened. She was even more scared that this monster might have gotten her pregnant.

I remember seeing the pro-life rallies, showing videos and pictures of women aborting 6+ month-old babies, pulling them apart limb by limb because to “that irresponsible woman” the baby was simply not wanted, an inconvenience - “This is abortion,” they cried. “Evil has no bounds.”?

I remember when I stopped going over to a friend's house to hang out because her dad was constantly hitting on me, trying to give me alcohol and lure me away to a more “private location” - reporting him would mean I tore apart a family.

I remember a business owner who said they could never provide maternity leave because it would put their business under - all while buying kegs for happy hours.?

I remember the slew of unwanted, vulgar text and Facebook messages I got from men at school because I was single -? I wasn’t off limits.?

I remember where and how I felt when Roe vs Wade was overturned, coming to grips with what the reality would be for so many friends and loved ones that live in states like Tennessee.?

This is purity culture and unfortunately, my story is not unique. Many women in America, especially in the south, could one up several of my experiences without even a second thought.??

It’s easy to denounce awful things but it’s not as easy to support and stand up for the ones that aren’t as loud, aren't as talked about. It’s not easy to support and come to terms with the fact that your experiences and blessings can also be someone else's worst nightmare, and that there can be many truths and outcomes for similar situations. It’s not easy to be curious and seek out others who don’t look like you, aren’t your family, and don’t come from the same socioeconomic background, asking to hear their stories - potentially challenging the belief system and culture you were taught to be true.?

We live in a very gray world with viewpoints that are very black and white, on many sides of the aisle.?

This isn’t just about abortion - it’s about a culture that has never stopped villainizing us, criticizing us, and judging us on almost every type of decision we can make as women, as mothers, as partners, as business owners, as friends. The obsession to control what we can and can’t do socially and legally is systematically embedded into the very culture where we are raising our children, well into the 21st century.

My hope is that America’s eyes have been opened to see what we as women have been up against. Never would I think I would post something so personal on social media, let alone on a professional network. But I know there are many women who do not have the safe environment or support system I do that would allow them to share their stories, speak their truth.?

Here’s to hoping a small part of my story shines a light on all of ours knowing no matter our backgrounds, we can fight together and make a difference.

I see you, I hear you, I stand with you