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January 13, 2019. 168 hours in a hospital bed gives you time to think, properly. the reason i'm in here, is an OD 13 days ago. suicide attempt. overshare i know, yet fact.

66 grams of paracetamol (132) of which 50 grams is fatal. doctors where shook that i was still breathing without any organ failure 7 days ago when i walked in, but. the collection of issues i faced up to are still present and exasperating. so i'm going to put it into words. i'm a creator. and the thing i, and my friend danyl created is a game based on the globe itself, enhancing the human race to be capable of more, through alliance of time and connecting all the dots underneath. and the obvious organisation that could realistically support such an ambitious technology project will only section me to a ward for my mental health, and anonymously force pills down my throat for having such "grandiose" ideas, credited to god. that's been a 10 month argument i don't think i'll ever win.

alike a load of other things.

it's not that this is why i chose to OD. there's 100 problems behind me. but, with my life after the OD it's what i choose to commit to changing with more of my soul and less of my imagination. along with other things. because so far i've lost everything in the pursuit of fixing something i can't give up on. instead, charge a little further ahead. seems i / we've accidentally fixed something that needs to be heard and registered. not by medical organisations in the form of a delusional case file but in a position where people can choose to understand or equally disagree. it's individuality of opinion.

but, there's a bigger argument i've been battling with. it's won me friends and lost me some.

there’s 24 hours before the clock ticks over to another day, and those hours we can fill with whatever we want, yet for most of us it isn’t like that at all. as if the game we’re supposed to be in love with, cheated us into a trap. those 24 hours become long. and young people numb our free time with drugs or netflix shows, while spending our days posting to the same people on the internet, praying to find an individual that can turn our faith in reality around.

because humans at their basic asset are a being with the ability to love... but. big but.

instead, we see an era that hands hearts out like a payment to system of mediocre ROI, of which we learned to sub-miss to through the most anti-creator system on earth, school. by design, school puts creative minds down and raises calculators. and when you get to the dirt of it, asking who do we challenge and who do we defend our new borns from, we grow to understand that the system was built and is operated by an anonymous character. mr no-one. who has no time for comment. for a reality built for hearts, we treat love as a cell. find one, tie down, keep. a very pro masculine ideal, also closed, and limited. and outdated by tinder.

another component of our hearts is through the mind and finding purpose and love of your own, and offering something for society’s totality. being a being as apposed to a machine. we need machines for mechanical outcomes. it’s 2019 and these corporations got enough budget, its just a case of morality.

we’re supposed to be unique. and, art isn’t just a canvas in a physical sense in the same way the canvas for a song is simply 3-5 minutes. go wider, you see that the canvas is a lifetime and the character is the paintbrush. i’ve watched people die in a metaphorical yet real sense, their potential was a 155 mph tesla, but got capped under a 30 mph speed limit, with no money to pay the fines. and from this, if i ever had a baby i’d be the first to give him / her my assets to show her or him i put my fear aside to initiate a transition. and that should be how we all feel based on how we ended up, and in mass we stand up to those telling us to sit down. together we actually have a chance. some are winning, but this is about the other 80%. doctors, science fields and developers, you’re creators of methods based on facts and you won the school game. which, is also why the current system isn’t a total bust, it’s one route.

every other route is yet to be created.

we're not built any more to be regurgitation machines and we don't even hold on to the skill we develop in school, we lose it within 5 years. so it's pointless. and when we grow up, it's the internet that needs to change. same argument. all we've got at the moment is advanced newspapers based on sponsored ads.

nobody is learning or doing or earning a penny through these technological 'advancements'. then we complain that we're all broke. and get a dumb job with some employer you have to mould to fake a face to move out of your mom's.

we need a technological host that digitally allows you to manifest the time and place you are in your life at any age you need to rely on it for. something to enhance us. educating doesn't end at 18 especially when you don't even educate them.

from 5+ we need something that develops a mind for his or her own manufacture, from the inside out… because without that, we end up useless or with a false agenda. neither dead or alive. if a human being was taught to navigate the realms of information and given space to find unique ability and adopt their time to master such a craft they intuitively digest, then by 10 he or she is following her heart and self learning from the internal god given instinctual navigations. freely. creating a path. a method thousands of us already validated in the race. NASA conducted an experiment years ago that proved creators previously regarded as 'genius' status are numb and far below average by 12 abiding to the present school trajectory. nothing has been changed. i ask the question what are the governments doing in this sector because we’re all bored and tired of trying to calculate to be for or against BREXIT. or to build a wall, in the US. and, what’s the point of waking up every day to realise you’re voiceless and playing audience in a trap. lead by chaos, war, ego and bad options. the kick in the face is that we pay them to do all this. back to the first statement, it’s far from a false illusion. nor, do we have to sh. 

imagine if you just opened your eyes. born into the world we're in.

you happy about it?

i said all this to the government and they don't give a f*xk.