Pull Yourself Out Of Rejection River in 4 Simple Steps

Have you ever taken a trip down Rejection River? You know what I’m talking about.?

Maybe it started when you were turned down by a prospect.?

Or perhaps it was triggered by a more personal rejection. The feeling is the same either way.?

Hurt.

Defeated.

Disappointed.

Not good enough.

And once we dip our toes into Rejection River, it can be hard not to get swept up in its swift and unforgiving current. We take a beating on the rocky river bottom as we ride the rapids of our own self-criticism.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. Rejection River might feel as wide and mighty as the Mississippi, but that’s just an illusion. It’s more like the “streams” we have in Colorado (which I’ve learned are, in fact, the Colorado River).?

To get out of Rejection River, you just have to choose to stand up and get out.

That’s the choice.?

You can DECIDE to stay in the wallowing of pity and rejection as long as I want. Soon, your legs will go numb from the rushing cold waters (thanks to Colorado snow melting year-round), and your fingers will start to prune. Especially if you get in a rut and sit down in Rejection River.?

Hint: Don’t sit in the Rejection River for too long. It just gets harder to get out.?

Intentionally release these thoughts and feelings that doom you to negative self-talk. You can get out of the Rejection River faster if you use what we coaches like to call a “tool.” No, you don’t need a hammer or ban saw for this portion of your self-discovery journal. You just need some paper, a pen, and the willingness to be vulnerable (which is a sign of strength, not weakness, BTW).?

Let’s get started.

I’ve got a warm, dry towel for you after you leave the Rejection River. Let’s do this together.

Ask yourself these self-reflective questions to help you pop onto shore and out of the spiral of negative thinking and poor self-talk.

These four steps are from Bryan Katie’s method called “The Work.” It’s an exercise that helps you become aware of your negative thoughts and poor self-talk to learn to release yourself from them.?

Let’s say you are working with the thought, “I’m a total failure.”

STEP 1: NOTICE

Think about where your thoughts first originated.?

What triggered the thought, “I’m a total failure”? Was it an event (the client said no to your proposal) or a feeling (disappointment), or a prior memory (a past painful experience)??

Once you identify the triggering situation, then sit with it. Notice everything you can about the situation that led you to believe, “I’m a total failure.”?

Ask yourself:

• What’s happening?

1. What was I doing?
2. What other thoughts or feelings arose?
3. Who am I with? What were they doing?

STEP 2: WRITE

Now, get a piece of paper and brain-dump everything around this triggering situation. Don’t edit the words or hold back feelings. Let it all come out on the paper.?

For example, a feeling around a past rejection when you were a kid might arise. Maybe a boyfriend or girlfriend rejected you in high school and those feelings that have been hidden for too long start to surface.?

Suppressing feelings is like holding a beach ball under the water. At some point, it will pop up and maybe smack you in the face. Get it all out now. This part of the exercise can be cathartic and might induce deep-release sighs. You got this.?

You might even have thoughts about yourself, such as anger, guilt, or regret. Write these down, too. Keep writing until you feel complete and have exhausted your thoughts and feelings.?

This step helps you examine your inner dialogue and experience more objectively. This allows you to become more aware of how automatic your thoughts and feelings are and what patterns they create.?

STEP 3: QUESTION

Next, you’ll start to question the thought. Think of the thought, “I’m a total failure,” then ask yourself each question:

1. Is this true?
2. Can I absolutely know that it’s true?
3. What happens when I believe these thoughts? What are my behaviors?
4. Who would I be WITHOUT this thought??

Take your time with each question and don’t rush this step.?

STEP 4: TURN IT AROUND

The final step is to turn the negative thought around.?

If you answered that you know you’re not a total failure, what is the opposite of a total failure? The opposite could be a total success. You could flip your statement to, “I’m a total success.” Now, I can hear people say it feels like too far of a stretch. It feels fake or not genuine. I hear you. Another option is, “I’m a competent person.” Let’s ease into this with a baby step. It’s not about turning the apple cart over with your thoughts. It’s baby steps to progress.

Baby Steps To Progress

What if you flipped to the thought, “When I think I’m a failure, then I’m going to be more self-compassionate to myself and reach out to positive friends for support.” You’re not flipping the statement completely but stating how you will support yourself and how your behavior will change to help pull you out of Rejection River.?

Practicing new ways of thinking can feel odd at first. Of course it does! It’s like eating with your non-dominant hand at dinner. Your brain thinks, “This doesn’t feel OK! We haven’t done this before. We’re not good at it!”?

But once you become more comfortable with these new thoughts, you’ll begin to change your mind, your sales results, and your life!

Bonus Exercise

Think about a negative or unsettling thought that has tossed you in the Rejection River lately. Write down a word to describe how it made you feel. Now think about if you experienced a full day WITHOUT that thought. Write down how you would feel to describe a day WITHOUT that thought.?