Public speaking - how to be better at it.

I could never do what you just did!

People say this to me all the time.

For the briefest of moments panic rises up inside of me.? What are they referring to?

Did they witness me eye-rolling the lovely old lady fumbling for her change?? Did they overhear me telling my son off in Waitrose for not knowing how to spell celeriac. Or did they catch me shouting expletives to my partner because he just talked over the best line of my favourite film (Top Gun Maverick).

These are all possibilities.

But this is not about me and my cantankerous ways.

It’s about YOU.

Because the thing that people like YOU tell me ALL the time is that you could never stand on a stage and give a talk in public.

And I’m puzzled by this.? It’s not like I was BORN being able to give speeches.? I don’t have some mysterious quality that you don’t have.

In fact the first time I was ever asked to speak in front of a large public gathering was at my friends wedding.? I was 35 years old.? And I was pretty confident. And pretty loud. So I didn’t expect what happened next.

My leg started shaking.? So did my hands. My script was fluttering in front of me for all to see. My voice had that wobbly-close-to-tears quality that I’m sure we all recognise.? And I went bright red.

So you see, I was not BORN able to give speeches.

So take heart.? However rubbish you think are at public speaking right now, you don’t have to resign yourself to that outcome forever.

You can learn.? Just like I did.

I’m going to walk you through some steps you can take to be better a public speaking. Whether that’s so you can give a killer speech at your next awards dinner.? Captivate the attention of your team at the next meeting.? Or pitch your brilliant idea without nervously farting in front of your top prospect. Being able to speak well and confidently is a skill we all want. And we can all learn.

I remember when I gave my first “motivational speech.” By this point I’d conquered my Elvis leg by delivering hundreds of classroom based training sessions in the RAF and I’d been getting some pretty decent feedback.? So by the time I left the RAF I figured I must be pretty good at this speaking thing. I decided to become a motivational speaker.? At this point I had zero clients so I set up an event in a vineyard and invited some prospects along.? I figured if I got them tipsy they’d love me and book me for future work. I also invited some other motivational speakers: John Peters, Mandy Hickson, Matt Lindley.

Afterwards I asked them for feedback. I remember Mandy kindly saying, “why don’t you just relax and enjoy your success today and we can chat tomorrow?”? John said something similarly evasive whilst offering to buy my champagne (which I accepted). I grew suspicious.

I’d expected them to say “well Sarah, I’ve got no debrief points, you are the best speaker I have ever heard and I’m going to retire immediately.” But they didn’t.

Both of them were kind enough to follow up and offer some feedback (and I will always be grateful how gentle they were with me). It turns out being good at motivational speaking is more than just being able to stand confidently at the front of the room. And people outside of the military don’t respond to being given orders via the “command hand” nor do they like having endless powerpoint slides read aloud to them. And they really don’t give a shit about your 30 year potted career history.

So what do they care about? They care about what’s in it for them.

As Mandy said “why should these people listen to you? You need to tell them that early on”. And as John said, “you need to get out of your head and make a connection with your audience.”

BEAT THE NERVES - ITS NOT ABOUT YOU

This might sound daunting. But actually it’s quite freeing.? Most people are put off speaking because they are scared of looking stupid.? They are afraid of being judged. The truth is, it’s not about you. Even if you are sharing stories from your own life (which I do all the time) those stories are just vehicles for other people to recognise themselves in. So when someone screws their face up at something you say, it’s not necessarily because they hate you, it might just be because you triggered a memory for them. Or if they are frowning, it might be that they are contemplating how they might implement what you just said into their day.

I remind myself of this all the time before I go on stage (and I still get nervous every time - I see that as a professional courtesy to you).? To calm myself down I say “this isn’t about you Sarah”.? I helps me get off the “me” channel.

So once you realise this it takes a lot of pressure off. And it helps you to do the next bit. Decide what to say.

(If this doesn’t sufficiently help you with your nerves I highly recommend checking out Caroline Goyder - she specialises in this exact subject.? For the rest of this article I’ll be talking about how to speak effectively, which in my mind, will help you to speak more confidently too)

WHAT PROBLEM ARE YOU SOLVING?

Right so it’s not actually about you. It’s about them. This a great place to start though not always that intuitive;? When I started out speaking I assumed that the content should be based on MY ideas. It’s a natural thing to do; we have this GREAT idea for a product or service and we spend ages refining it without asking the question “does anyone else actually want or need what I’m selling?”? The same principle is true for speaking.? If you’re speaking you’re taking up someone else’s time.? So it’s a good idea to make sure it worth their time. I recently gave a workshop, which to be honest, I had been kind of dreading. ? I just felt like I was out of my depth and I was wasting their time.? Then I realised it’s because I had no idea what problem I was helping them to solve. And that’s because they didn’t really know either. ? Every time I spoke to someone from the team they had a slightly different version of what they wanted.? I eventually confessed to the MD that I wasn’t sure if I could add any value because I wasn’t sure how to help. It was lightbulb moment. We realised the root problem was widespread ambiguous confused and overly elaborate communication. (A bit like that sentence) “I just need people to get to the point,” the MD summed up neatly.? So I decided to deliver a workshop called “Effective Communication; Making every word count.”? And then I was out of the starting gate.

Try this:? Write down what the problem is you are helping to solve.        

A top tip if you’re struggling to figure out the problem is to ask WHY?

For example if you’re speaking at a team meeting, WHY are you having the meeting?

Or it you’re doing a pitch for a client, WHY have they come to you and what do they need help with?

If you’ve been asked to talk for a dinner, ask WHY they asked you?

If you’re talking at a conference ask WHY they’ve chosen their theme.

The WHY will usually give you a clue to the problem they are trying to solve (even if they haven’t yet figured out that problem for themselves.) Be prepared to ask WHY a few times to dig down to the root problem.

Now you’ve got a clear idea of where you want to go and you can build your talk around that. EVERYTHING that goes into your talk should relate back to that ONE clear idea.? Chris Anderson refers to this as the THROUGHLINE in his brilliant book TED talks. Having one clear THROUGHLINE is extremely helpful

- it helps to keep you on track,

- it helps you to get rid of anything that diverts attention or confuses the audience

-it makes it really easy for your audience to follow

-AND if the THROUGHLINE is answering a problem for them, it will be obvious what’s in it for them and why they will want to action it.

My top tip - decide your THROUGHLINE then refine it until you’ve written in one sentence. I then write it in BOLD at the top of every page of my presenter notes to keep me on track.        

I’ll give you an example of some of my recent through lines.

Leaning into vulnerability to be a stronger and better leader

How to lead with influence not dominance

Optimising what we’ve got for better results “Under fire”

Leaning into mistakes helps you make better decisions.

Now you’ve clearly and succinctly articulated how you’re going to help them solve their problem.

Now we need to think about how to make it land.

HOW DO YOU MAKE SURE YOUR SPEECH RESONATES?

When you think about this, it’s worth reflecting on the sort of communication that resonates with you and why.? And what doesn’t resonate and why.

I’ll tell you some things that fall flat with me.

Being given a load of detail that I don’t care about or is boring.

Being told what to do.

Being told what to do and given no idea HOW to do it.

This is why I use the format below for effective communication. It’s not the cleverest but it is clear and it works. I call it the SO SO SO format (literally just made that up)

1. SO THERE I WAS…..Tell a STORY that demonstrates the problem you are trying to solve; For example I’ll tell the story about hitting wires in Morocco and how I started day-dreaming about death. Obviously day-dreaming is NOT super helpful at this point. Luckily the captain quickly refocused my attention with the famous words “Fly the aircraft.” We landed safely and had tea and medals.

1. SO WHAT? Share the lesson behind the story, backed up by the science if appropriate to show why it matters to the audience; Our attention can only be in one place at a time, so multi-tasking is a myth.
2. SO WHAT NOW? Share a tool to make it easy for others to solve the problem; “Whats my fly the aircraft priority?”

I’m using a story as the anchor for a number of reasons.

1. It? makes it engaging because everyone loves stories.
2. I’m not telling anyone what to do.

If I stood up and said, “you’re all idiots for multi-tasking, you must start uni-tasking” I’d piss a lot of people off.? A story allows the audience to recognise themselves in it without feeling scrutinized, or coerced to do something . So on hearing my example of the wire-strike they might, “Oh yes, I have that problem too,? I often get distracted too, and it’s not very helpful.” So rather than telling, I’m SHARING how I encountered a problem that also affects them.

Now they are invested in hearing a solution to that problem.

Then I can share the science or the lesson behind the story to back up WHY this is a problem.? ?

Then I’ll offer a tool to help them translate that story into their every days lives so they can easily solve that problem.? Again, I’m not telling.? I’m sharing.? For example “Try this: Fly the aircraft.”

If people have to work hard to translate the lesson into their every day lives, chances are they wont bother and you’ve wasted your time and theirs.? So make it ludicrously easy for them to translate YOUR words into THEIR actions. Giving them a tool can help with this.

You can repeat this format as many times as you need within a talk.? If you have 3 main points that relate to your THROUGHLINE then use the format 3 times and have 3 main stories.

This is not a hard and fast rule, but hopefully this will get you started and help you to communicate more effectively, and therefore more confidently.

Review and refine.

Finally before you give the talk read through it and imagine you are in the audience and that you are there because you really want to solve the problem that your talk is based on.

ANYTHING that distracts from your THROUGHLINE, get rid of it.? Anything that isn’t a crucial bit of information, get rid of it.? A short talk that hits the mark is better than a ramble that totally misses point or confuses people.

Again I remember in the early days I gave a talk about resilience to a group of senior managers. I didn’t have a THROUGHLINE back then, but if I had it would have been something like “Making choices makes us stronger.”? Perhaps this is why it was a bit of a flop. I monologued on about victim mindset and the science behind learned helplessness.? I still wince when I remember the feedback “I can see that idea was interesting to YOU Sarah.” Fortunately I was, again, lucky enough to sit down with a colleague who had heard the talk and we went through what to cut out and what to keep in.

As a result I cut out a lot of the science and put in a lot more stories. (Here is an example of a short talk which emerged from this discussion and which follows the SO SO SO format.? It’s an “old” talk so I wince a bit when I watch it, but I offer it so you can see the format and also reflect on what works for you and what doesn’t.)

So before you stand up and give your piece, cast your eye over it from the view point of an observer. Even better practice it in front on someone who is willing to give up their time to listen to you. And then get a peer to give you feedback once you’ve delivered it. (It’s usually easier to get from honest feedback from your peers than your clients - this is pretty much why I joined the PSA .)

And now, you’re out of the starting blocks.

Go get em tiger.

Key takeaways.

Speaking well in public is a skill you can learn. The trick is to get started.

Remember it’s not actually about you, it’s about them - I find this can help get off the “me” channel and overcome nerves.

Focus your talk by thinking about what problem you are trying to solve. Ask WHY.

Sharing a solution is better than telling people what to do.

Stories keep people engaged and allow people to see when they have a problem without feeling judged.

Sharing a tool helps people put your words into their actions.

If in doubt, cut it out.

My name is Sarah Furness and I’m a keynote speaker on leadership, performance and courage.?

If you’re interested in speaking coaching please reach out to [email protected]