Public Speaking 101:

Find your fearlessness...find "your moment"

Public speaking can be intimidating. You may have a lot of ideas but the art of presenting, engaging with a crowd, thinking on your feet and being able to enjoy the required storytelling Isn't always easy. Exuding the confidence and charisma necessary to do it well, isn't always something that comes naturally, especially under pressure. I recall as a kid/teen feeling a sense of stage fright, never trying out for the play, dreading auditions for choral groups, or fearing speaking in front of the class. I would have these waves of adrenaline?that I didn't understand or know how to harness as excitement but often manifested as what I thought was fear. (Later learned it was my superpower but we'll get there)

I grew up with a mother who was a performer. That can go one of two ways, it can be empowering..."Well if Mom can do it, I can do it" or the counter, "OMG, my Mom is so talented, I could never do that!!" While today I tend to lean into the former, historically I often fell victim?to the latter, especially when it came to singing!

Most presenters and speakers I've connected with agree that the ability to get out there on a stage in front of hundreds or thousands of people takes some guts. It also takes a tremendous amount of prep, but most importantly, it takes a moment...an experience in your life where you realize...it's not as intimidating as it may seem and in fact perhaps...could even be exhilarating.

So...here's my moment:

I was in my late 20s gearing up for one of the most important moments of my life, my wedding day. As we were planning the wedding it was important to me to find opportunities to make it ours, you know, create moments that made our guests feel special, moments where we really let?them in. I had an idea that I thought was lofty but would perhaps?blow some minds. I was going a little rouge because this was a surprise for my wife and family and friends...but I didn't know what it was really going to mean for me. It was a selfless act that made me vulnerable and turned out to be one of the most important moments of my life.

So let's play it out:

This is after the ceremony, after dinner, we are inside now dancing it up, stuffing our faces with lemon and lavender?cupcakes with cream cheese frosting, I can still taste them...and it comes time for our first dance.....in 6 inch purple Prada heels and the tightest dress i've ever worn, my second dress of the evening thanks to J.Crew and Nicole Miller . (Sounding bougie right now, but for anyone who knows me, you'll know how out of character this sounds...but hey it was our wedding, you do the thing once ideally, so may as well do it right!) Ok, so I take the mic and with a little shake in my voice I get going. I try to lay the groundwork for what's about to happen. I begin to talk about my family who was present and what a diverse and creative gene pool we have. I have a father who is an artist and designer and a mother who is a jazz vocalist and executive. I have extended family in the arts and somehow I was this athlete. This very serious......athlete. But through my time at Northfield Mount Hermon and Wesleyan University and throughout my life, this musician, this performer has always been there, quiet and insecure. And while I've been able to perform on grand stages as an athlete,(NCAA Championships, WPL Rugby Championships and even play for my country in front of thousands), this undercover musician/performer who sang in select choral ensembles?and gospel choirs in high school and college, was terrified to come out. So, I did it. On one of the most vulnerable days of my life, in front of all the people that matter to me most, it was time for our first dance. What no one knew, not even my wife or parents, just me and the DJ....is that I recorded myself singing our song to a Youtube karaoke clip, shockingly high in quality, that I found?online. No one in my family had ever heard me sing, this room of musicians and actors and creatives, the people whose?opinions mattered most to me....they got all of me that day. As the song played and my wife held me and we danced, I shook. I was so nervous and vulnerable. As I looked around everyone was in tears, even me. I knew if I was going to start this journey with my wife it had to be with everything out there, I couldn't?hold anything back.

It was at that moment that I was unleashed and you can see it in the photo above. I realized, there would never be a moment scarier or more vulnerable or more intimidating?than that one. I was like a tiger let out of its cage. I was overwhelmed with the love I felt in that moment and to this day before I have a big opportunity and get even the slightest twinge of "oof can I handle this one?", I think about that moment when my fear subsided and the love and acceptance and validation of my loved ones washed over me and I remind myself....it can never be scarier than that day. So find your moment, be vulnerable, the payback is huge!

I'd love to hear about "your moment", please comment below!?