Public Service Announcement: You’re Not A Failure If You Don’t Peak At 25

Overcoming the fear of failure early career professionals face

As I uttered this sentence “You’re not a failure if you don’t peak at 25” during a money management presentation at a prestigious law firm, I noticed that one of the graduates in the room heaved a visible sigh of relief.

So I leaned in and I asked her “You felt that, didn’t you?”

She just nodded and laughed guilty.

“Tell us more about that — I’m sure you’re not the only one who feels that way.”

She was a little nervous to answer at first but then she said: “Well, you feel a lot of pressure to be successful because your family has invested so much into sending you to university.”

There were many nods of agreement in the room.

Whether online or in person, I see this as a recurring theme in groups of young professionals who are trepidatious about transitioning into the workplace.

In fact, before the start of that session, I overheard two graduates talking about the requirements of the program, coupled with other pressures of their academic work and they said: “We’re too young for this.”

Now, employers might interpret this phrase as an immaturity of GenZs to handle the rigors of the real world.

But they would only be half right.

Young people want to be successful — for better or worse — on their own terms.

Older professionals can easily forget their formative years and might not be able to comprehend what it might feel like to have your adolescent worldview constructed in a virtual reality. Social interaction is foregrounded in a digital space — in-person communication is secondary.

And let’s not forget that GenZs have faced constant disruption, meaning that they’ve attached to peer groups — over the adults in their lives — as a way to feel anchored.

At the core of the perceived ‘restlessness’ of this generation, is a deep-seated fear of failure.

Imagine what it’s like trying to “keep up with the Joneses” when the Joneses have gone global and are now billionaires.

I can say: “You’re not a Kardashian, you don’t have to be a billionaire at 21.” But you would still feel the pressure to achieve at 25, which takes a major part of a lifetime to accomplish. You are flooded by content every day that gives you a heavily filtered version of reality.

One where perfection is the prize and failure is final.

The pressure of perfection is debilitating, especially when it comes to dating (another sore topic that university students don’t rather avoid!)

A major issue affecting mental health challenges among young people is a crisis of identity. There is so much focus on creating an ‘acceptable perceived image’ that it’s easy to experience a loss of a sense of self.

This is why failure feels so painful.

If no one comments on the post or you aren’t able to master a task on the first try, then you feel like a failure.

It might seem simple, but a shift from “I’m a failure” to “I’ve failed this time but I am capable of trying again” can be extremely powerful.

Here’s a thought: what if success will take a little longer than you hoped?

What if it’s ok to focus your 20s on career exploration and experimentation? What if what you studied at university might not line up with how you experience the industry once you work in that field?

That’s normal! It doesn’t mean you’re a failure.

I spoke to a graduate once who had graduated with a BA in Geography and Environmental Studies but couldn’t find a job in her field. All her friends were getting jobs and despite multiple applications, she wasn’t able to find a job in her field of study.

“I felt like a failure,” she said.

She did eventually find a job working in corporate social responsibility and she was able to leverage her knowledge in her current position.

Things might not work out exactly as you planned — welcome to real life! Most ‘accidents’ and plan Bs end up taking you down the exact path of your greatest work (that has certainly been the case for me).

The problem is, that only becomes clear in hindsight, so you will need to trust the process, even if it doesn’t match your perfect plan.

And importantly, you can only trust the process of imperfection, if you see yourself as a whole person.

Not broken, not unworthy, not flawed, or rejected.

But whole and valuable. Because you are a worthy person.

If you don’t have a positive self-regard yet (and this is always a work in progress), then it might be time to ask for some help. A counselor, a coach, a mentor — who can help you see yourself in healthier ways.

You can’t embrace failure as a pathway to success if you see yourself as a failure.

Start to celebrate your failures

In my sessions, when we address the issue of failure, I challenge graduates to pick one failure they want to celebrate. My ultimate example of a failure I celebrate annually is the violent end of an abusive relationship when I was 22.

For years, I was so ashamed about it but after healing and growing beyond the pain of my past, I now celebrate that my younger self was strong enough to walk away from a relationship that could’ve killed me.

Re-framing the story we’re telling ourselves about the failure can be empowering.

There are so many stories of students who didn’t get into the course of study they initially wanted but after a year or two, realized that it was the best result of a once-perceived failure.

I know you won’t believe me when I tell you this, but I’m going to say this anyway: life gets better as you get older.

Yes, your body changes and you don’t have the boundless energy of your twenties BUT your life is also enriched with wisdom, growth, and hopefully, healthier relationships.

I dare you to do this:

1. Expand your view of what success looks like — and the people that embody that success

2. Think about what success looks like to you — not just professionally but in your personal life too

3. Research the life history of successful role models — it might surprise you how many failures mark their path to success.

Here are a few mantras you can try next time you fail:

1. “Oh, how interesting! What can I learn from this?”

2. “It’s just a temporary setback. I’m not a failure when I fail.”

3. “This is going to be a great chapter in my autobiography one day!”

May you fail well and may you peak when it’s the right time to bloom.        

Have you felt the pressure to be successful at a certain age? Share in the comments - you're not alone!