Public servants need to show some respect

Commentary Columnist-Sherry Holliman

Unfortunately, not all friendships or relationships are mutually respectful. There will come a time you might find yourself dealing with toxic treatment of emotional abuse from friends, family, intimate partners, or colleagues. This is considered being disrespected. Here’s what disrespect can look like being ghosted, ignored or given the silent treatment, being criticized or insulted, being humiliated, punished, blamed or threatened, lied on, made up rumors, or other actions designed to hurt you or your reputation, your thoughts and feelings being dismissed or someone will bring up stuff you’re uncomfortable sharing, or told them in secret. The abuser makes everything about them.

A quote from Frank Outlaw sums up how quickly our thoughts and words can be defined: “Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.”

Before you become quick to judge? How many times have you made remarks or acted in ways that you quickly regret? Was it from lack of self-control? What about a sense of entitlement? Were you being self-righteous? Do you intentionally just disrespect people? Maybe you are speaking your ingrained truth about your prejudice or stigmas against other cultures. When an individual makes statements with actual malice, the verbally attacked person may not be able to overcome the emotional trauma or restore their reputation. Why are public servants slandering or defaming other public servants with such confidence? Maybe because they are not held accountable for their role in their unethical behavior?

These arrogant gas lighting verbal abusers take opinions too seriously and feel justified in attacking someone whose opinion differs from their own. They overreact to a comment or feel triggered to attack the person who offended their view. They like to argue and try to use harmful statements to impose their views on others. In a discussion, they don’t listen to respond but react and attack as a form of their defense. Their behavior provides them with a false sense of being superior, victorious, and powerful, but this actually shows the opposite. It is an indication that the low self esteem individual or group feels weak, afraid, and insecure, and this is the only way they can gain respect. Anyone who has to verbally abuse others has many personal issues of themselves.

Abusing others allows them to pretend that they’re strong, smart, and worthy of respect. And until their passive enablers confront them and stop being weak opportunists fearing they will lose perks, these violent verbal abusers will never change. Leaders should always maintain emotional control because strong emotions can cause violence. Leaders are responsible not just for their own ethics but also for creating an environment where they foster more ethical behavior by everyone within their space. Is this too much to expect from grown adults? It should never be acceptable for professional people to give into the enticing moment of a current situation. They should know that when strong emotions are arising to take the time to refocus and step away from the intense discussion. Leaders need to separate their actions affecting others from their personal feelings.

Leaders need to set the tone for others to understand that they are expected to do the right thing, but too many leaders do just the opposite and create a culture where unethical behavior is acceptable. These leaders, some known as extremists use verbal violence in professional settings to use offensive language, post memes on social media, use slang to mock certain races, tell jokes to intentionally humiliate the non-extremist, or verbally attack the personal appearance of an individual or groups to attempt to intimidate them.

What is a solution for slander, defamation or verbal violent insults coming from one public servant to another? What about more accountability?

What about being respectful? Respect means that you accept somebody for who they are, even when they’re different from you or you don’t agree with them. The lack of respect will instigate an opportunity to become a victim of intimidation and violence. No one should be subject to this traumatic treatment. If you find yourself being abused, always defend yourself! Report your abuser immediately. Verbal attacks against public servants, their families, and political parties are not only crimes against these individuals, but are violence that affects the entire democratic system.