The Pub, The Quote and The Gentleman The Beauty of Reaching Out

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It happened this Saturday evening while I was having a bite and a pint at The Dublin Gate Pub in Ho Chi Minh City. After being there and chatting for a good hour with the Irishmen and Irishwomen gathered in old, flavoured Saigon for the South East Asian Gaelic Games, my eyes fell on the wall in front of me. There it was, in all its beauty but well hidden from everyone else: The Quote.

I couldn’t stop from excusing myself from the table, standing up and taking a photo. As I immersed myself in other conversations the impact of The Quote gradually faded…

Not for long though, as I found myself drawn towards the same wall. There was something there. The Quote surrounded by shamrocks, next to the blackboard, just by the bar, the Irish flag, an empty table to the right, The Gentleman, enjoying his dinner. Mid sixties, elegant moves, lost in his thoughts.

I turned to my husband and said: ”I am going to say hello to The Gentleman over there. It’s way a too big coincidence he is sitting just underneath The Quote”. My husband rolled his eyes. He knows me well. Him rolling eyes was a warning but did not stop me. I was pushed by some invisible force to make the first step. And there I was, speechless, facing The Gentleman’s inquiring eyes. “What to say now?”, my brain asked me as my anxiety level increased slightly. “Hmmm…Say Hello”, said my other part of the brain that kept me from not running away. “Hello”, I finally articulated. “Hello”, he greeted me back. There followed a few seconds of silence when my brain could not find the words. I managed to introduce myself and could only say: “You are sitting just underneath this beautiful saying and I wanted to share that with you”. “Thank you…” the polite reply came in a wonderful British accent. “Where are you from?”, he genuinely continued. “Romania”, I answered, “I am here with my Irish husband for a Gaelic football competition”. “Yourself?”, I clumsily continued “I am born in the UK but both my parents were Irish”.

I could not stop from absorbing the image of him having his dinner by the Irish Flag somewhere thousands of miles away from where his ancestors were born.

I then gained courage: “Do you live in Vietnam now?” “No”, the answer came as fast and sharp as a bullet.

“I am travelling. I landed here earlier today. You see…” he stopped for a moment, filled his lungs with air and his heart with courage and, like in a staccato, he broke free: “You see…my wife passed away not long ago”, his voice stumbled, my eyes were already filled with tears. “We bought this three weeks holiday when she was still alive. We both wanted to see Asia, but who knew…” A short pause followed to stop the trembling of his voice. “ You see…my daughters have their families and could not join me, my son hates the heat… And I said to myself, I am going to do it anyway…I owe it to her. I owe it to us”.

It felt like a train hit me and left me into pieces, speechless and disconnected from everything else.

My 3-year-old daughter was pulling my hand hard, crying and asking me to take her back to the hotel. I excused myself as much as I wanted to give The Man a big hug, listen to him and get lost in his story.

I left The Pub, with mixed feelings, a heavy heart for not having more time and a light heart for having said “Hello”.

And as I walked away this story started to grow within me beyond the obvious synchronicities.

The Pub, especially the Irish Pub, is known to the whole world as the welcoming place where people meet and talk and friendships can be born. But, The Pub is not the only space were we can let go of our armour and touch lives. The Pub is the elevator, the bus, the meeting room, the zoo, the museum, the playground and many more other ordinary and random places. The Pub can be ANYWHERE we can allow ourselves to respectfully say “Hello” and open up to come what may.

The Quote, if you haven’t figured it out yet, is: “There are no strangers here; only friends you haven’t yet met” WB Yeats. And it speaks so much wisdom. We are all part of a huge network, connected with each other in a deeper and subtler way that we have ever imagined. The Quote is the book, the shoes, the level, the movie, the pet, the plants and even the weather. The Quote can actually be ANYTHING that can take the shape of a simple conversation. It doesn’t even have to be a sentence it can be an adverb, a sound, a gesture.

The Gentleman is the holder of another heart, is a universe of stories big or small, a multiverse of choices, opportunities and other encounters. The Gentleman is the quite guy at an event, is the auntie who sells flowers, is the CEO of a big company, the gymnast, the bus driver, the doctor or the mum. The Gentleman is literally ANYONE on Earth to whom we can humbly reach out.

But there’s a trick with reaching out. The Gentleman may be ready or not so ready for a conversation, and we’d rather stay in our comfort zone than expose ourselves and be hurt by a simple silence. And there we are, stuck in some sort of draw on the chess table of human interactions.

People tell me I am a natural. You know what? There were thousands times when I have received nothing but a cold look in return or “politically correct” emails at my genuine invitation to connect after an event. There were other thousands times when I felt embarrassed by what I said in public but THEN, there were all those FEW TIMES when people to whom I said “Hello” became my friends, my clients and my supporters and I would open up again another thousand times just to witness the hidden splendour of ANYONE who is ready to share a journey.

So, don’t be shy! Take that first Step! Say that embarrassing thing! Give away that smile!

There is so much unexpected Beauty in Reaching Out.

Respectfully Yours, Irina Miu Global Facilitator and Executive Coach

More about my work at www.effective-ways.com

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