PTSD is a Funny Beast

As I stand at the edge of cliff, I see the husk of my old self open and I step out into my true form.

It reminds me of how the cicadas shed their exuvia after they finish their nymphal stage underground.

My exuvia shadow self hands me a glowing gift, which I accept and then it turns to powder and blows away.

And then a little while later I finish my energy healing session and open my eyes.

I feel a little dizzy as I find my footing back in the present and earthly now, and I can tell my nervous system is normalizing again.

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52 weeks ago I nearly died.

I had a traumatic ATV accident where I had a severe and potentially life altering / life ending break.

My leg broke in three places that day in the forest and I spent 6 hours getting out of the woods with the help of some earthly angels.

Fortunately with the guidance of the divine I didn’t roll off of a 40 cliff amidst the crash. I simply broke my leg. I may not be alive to write this if my angels hadn’t guided to me land where I did, about 18” from an even more catastrophic fall over that cliff.

This week I started experiencing some pretty substantial PTSD. I’d had a few short bouts with it over the last 12 months, but this week my body reminded me that it was time to do the next level of work around this incredible experience that my higher self had chosen for me.

PTSD is no joke.

At seemingly random points during my day, I start shaking uncontrollably.

Other times I start crying for no apparent reason.

And just as often I would be sweating like it was 100 degrees in my office followed by periods where I felt like couldn’t get warm no matter what I did.

And recently my entire body was in pain.

Radiating pain inside and outside my body.

It’s tiring business to create space for and process through PTSD.

Fortunately I have an incredible wife, amazing family, brother and sisters from other mothers, and world class team of servant leaders in my company who always have my back.

Without them I’d never be where I am today.

So while I experienced my NDE alone physically, every moment since then I’ve been surrounded by the love and support I’ve needed for this stage of my journey.

As an entrepreneur, I too feel the pull to only share and show the golden moments, the wins and the highlight reel of my life.

But is that truly helpful?

Probably not.

I’ve personally been served the best by my entrepreneurial brothers and sisters when they share their entire experience.

The reality of 2023 is that I broke my ribs in January, had major reconstructive surgery on my mouth in February, and then broke my leg in May which led to two surgeries and months of intentional and intense rehab physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

Today I can say confidently that in all areas of my life I’m stronger than I was before all of that.

But I did have to refocus on my own health and well being for almost a year.

In the business this led to:

1 — The first year in over a decade where my company didn’t make profit and didn’t grow top line revenue.

2 — The first time in company history where we used cash reserves and credit to stabilize and invest in building new support and infrastructure internally.

3 — My personal brand (which was also declining from my intentional focus on a custody battle to protect my son) declined even more.

4 — And in the win column 2023 forced me to be brave and delegate to my team at a whole new level.

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As entrepreneurs our personal life, self care, personal development and leadership focus impacts EVERYTHING inside our businesses.

2023 was the 40th trip around the sun for me.

It was a glorious year.

It was a hellish year at times too. Especially for my wife Rachel who carried everything for almost six months.

2023 was also the year I graduated to the next level in my journey.

I’m grateful for the fact that I’ve always been focused on building my business in such a way that it could be sellable (even though I have no intention of ever selling it — except to my son or my employees in 50 or so years).

Because together as a team we focus on excellence in leadership and operations the team was able to fill all the gaps for me.

This week all of the folks who support me inside the company (and in my personal life too) have simply circled the wagons around me to give me the space I need to heal at this next level.

It feels messy, but it works.

I dropped all my non essential meetings and slept a lot.

Nothing critical in my company or for our clients was dropped. We showed up and I showed up where I was needed. Surrounded by love and support.

I got sessions booked with my healers and therapists.

I talked to my wife and my friends about how I’m feeling and what I’m processing.

My experience has deepened my resolve as it relates to life’s mission.

My mission on earth is to reduce and resolve the suffering of others.

I witness too much suffering inside the entrepreneurial community that has its roots in the messaging / brainwashing that says “Grinder harder if you’re stuck” or “hustle harder if you want to be successful and significant”.

Those types of lies cause so much damage.

I’m here to remind all of us today (myself included) that part of the work we must do is self care.

I’m here to remind us all that following your path, at your speed IS SUCCESS.

I encourage to tune out the noise that tries to brainwash you.

And instead tune into your own inner voice. The one that speaks when you are calm, quiet and centered.

The one that dares to say “I know my path and I trust myself.”

My saving grace in 2023 was the fact that I had already cultivated that relationship to myself and to my higher power.

I’m also grateful that I know how to admit when I’m not ok.

It’s ok to not be ok all the time.

Ask for help.

I’m here for you.

And so are so many of the humans around you.

Just ask for help.

You’ll be surprised how much support is waiting in the wings for your signal.

I love you.

You’ve got this.

Be unapologetically you on your own journey.

You’re gonna make it and you’re gonna be ok.

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