On Psychotherapy

Introduction

Written as an ode to the late great humanistic psychology pioneer Carl Rogers’ On Becoming a Person, On Psychotherapy is an intimate and speculative piece on the peculiar benefits of psychotherapy (traditional talk therapy). The piece draws on personal experience with and knowledge of the process and benefits of successful psychotherapeutic treatment. The benefits outlined in the sections below are not set in stone: thus, many of those whom go through psychotherapy very well may not experience these benefits and/or may experience other beneficial aspects of psychotherapy. Psychotherapy is not for everyone. Not everyone benefits from psychotherapy and some may find it to be a waste of time and money; I certainly have at times in my life. If, however, one is ready for the long, difficult, and sometimes tedious process of psychotherapy, finds a therapist that he fits with, respects, and likes, and commits himself to fully engage in psychotherapy he just may find that it can be more beneficial then ever expected.

NOTE: For convenience purposes, I utilize the pronouns “he/his/himself” when referring to the hypothetical psychotherapy patients in this piece. This is not meant to discriminate against other genders/sexes but is rather done strictly for convenience so that I am not constantly typing him/her, himself/herself, oneself, etc. Don’t sue me.

On Personal Analysis

On the Personal Exploration of One’s Inner Ails

One of the benefits which anyone who has been through extensive amounts of successful psychotherapy sessions will attest to is the gaining of the acute and precise ability to “listen” to one’s body and inner feeling states. Through the hours of intense scrutiny and analysis of the individual’s psychological state performed by a trained, licensed, clinician, the individual is bound to eventually gain a confident sense of self-awareness and a very familiar relationship with himself. The clinician teaches the individual, in one sense or another, to “listen” to his or her anxiety, depression, mania, and/or other unpleasant, non-beneficial inner states to gain an awareness of what these “feeling states” are trying to “tell” the individual. If certain situations, behaviors, and/or people make the individual feel anxious, depressed, or other uncomfortable and unpleasant inner states, he is implored to explore these uncomfortabilities in the safety of the clinician’s office; and hopefully warm and nurturing company.

Additionally, and somewhat contrastingly, with more severe, biologically-derived psychological conditions, such as mania or clinical depression, the clinician may implore the client to determine what biological or chemical triggers pre-empt these unpleasant states. For example, during my brief stint on the McLean Hospital Psychotic Disorders unit, we had a recurrent patient whose mania seemed to be set off by late nights spent out with friends indulging in alcohol and other hazardous chemical substances. As the patient described to me when we spoke individually in his hospital room, when the nights would be winding down and his friends would be preparing to call it quits, he still had a reservoir of energy and desire to keep his night going. On the other hand, certain “triggers” may cause the individual diagnosed with clinical depression to become suicidal, or an individual with a history of trauma to begin experiencing his post-traumatic symptoms. It is thus the goal of the clinician and client to determine these triggers in psychotherapy to further prevent any future distress from occurring.

Nevertheless, it is through this (potentially discomforting) astute personal and self-exploration that the healing of one’s inner ails are expected to occur and the individual hopefully finds him or herself to have a greater sense of inner calm with oneself daily. By sitting in, suffering through, and further exploring the root cause of the discomfort of one’s anxiety, depression, traumatic memories, etc., scientific research and therapists alike presume that the pain and discomfort of these unpleasant states will eventually subside. Through the hopeful “cleansing” of and dissipation of these states, the individual is, in theory, to be “freed” of the mental and emotional blockades which these feeling states have provoked, whether consciously or unconsciously, and thus may be able to live a more comfortable and fulfilling life based more strictly on his own terms.

In terms of structural and functional brain benefits related to such mind-related exploration, the physical growth and health of one’s brain may physically increase in size, as evidenced on fMRI, MRI, and/or other brain imaging device scans. As a result, the individual may subjectively report and feel increased cognitive function, clearing of a “cognitive fog”, a feeling of “a weight being lifted,” and/or a feeling of “becoming one’s true inner-self.” In the field of psychiatry, similar results may be found/reported following the use of more intense treatments such as ECT (electroconvulsive therapy), TMS (trans-cranial magnetic stimulation), or psycho-pharmaceutical medications.

On Personal Neurosis due to analysis

As alluded to in the previous section, one of the many ultimate goals of effective psychotherapeutic treatment is for the client to gain and adopt the skills necessary to “become his own therapist.” If effective, throughout this process of the client transferring from being merely a psychotherapeutic client to his own personal psychotherapist, he may experience some growing pains as he adopts the psycho analytical skills possessed by an adequate therapist. There is thus a high possibility that the hours of psychotherapy sessions endured by the individual could lead to a class of neurosis in and of itself. The deep and intrinsic analysis of one’s mind, memories, thoughts, and feelings have the potential to lead the individual into a state of hypersensitivity and awareness of every little thing he feels, thinks, and remembers.

Additionally, although the clinician is there to guide the client throughout the process of the psychotherapeutic relationship, it is vital that both parties bear in mind throughout the duration of the therapeutic relationship that the content matter being dealt with at hand is owned and possessed solely by the client. Despite the clinician’s attempts to positively re-frame and heal the client’s inner ails, the clinician has little to no idea as to what type of personal suffering the client is in. The client must own and take full responsibility for his pain and ailing; a crucial step in the healing process. As the adage goes “the first step in fixing a problem is recognizing that one exists.” Nevertheless, the personal neurosis that may take shape within the client may present itself in several different forms: sleepless nights/diminished sleep, an “over analysis” of one’s everyday feeling states, thoughts, and emotions, and/or a shift in one’s social/relationship desires and preferences leading to a change in one’s leisure time activities (described in greater detail next).

Much like part of the job of any good parent is to be in the head of his child, part of being a good therapist constitutes “being in the head” of his clients as a morally correct, authoritative figure and guide. There are still times to this day, nearly three years later, when I fondly recall the early sessions of my time with Dr. Jeffrey Fishman, PhD, and the important life lessons learned in his office. The impact of those early sessions spent in his tree house-like office in downtown Amherst coupled with the fond memories of his soothing, gentle voice and intrinsic blue eyes remain with me to this very day as positive guides on my journey through life. Other times, the stringent, disciplined impact of the renowned Dr. Richard Halgin guides me down the correct path as I question what move to make next in my professional or personal life. Much like the impact and voices of my beloved parents remain ingrained, consciously and unconsciously, deep within my psyche and soul as I traverse my way through my own adult life, so do the voices of those cherished therapy sessions with my two most impactful, lovable, deep, and intelligent therapists. It is important however, that the individual continues to live his life without getting too caught up in the personal analysis that psychotherapy sessions have the power of bringing with them. Paralysis by analysis is not the goal of psychotherapy; rather effective personal and professional analysis which then leads to unlimited lifetime growth (self-actualization).

On Social Changes

On social life/relationship changes and greater personal independence

It is extremely likely that the exploration and healing of one’s inner ails in psychotherapy sessions will led the individual to begin to explore different social connections, friendships, and relationships. Leaving behind shallower, expedient, and exciting, yet short-lived, social opportunities in pursuit of deeper, more meaningful, long term social relationships, the individual begins to find his place within society as well as his relationship preferences as he begins to gain the ego strength, autonomy, and independence to make his own informed social decisions. Whether these social life and relationship-related changes are due to the work done in therapy or to the individuals own personal growth is undetermined however, part of successful psychotherapy is to free the individual up from his psychological blockades in order to allow unlimited personal growth; and part of that growth process would seemingly include moving past old relationships in pursuit of newer, more mature and fulfilling ones.

The individual may additionally find himself spending more contented and productive time in solitude as he slowly loses the need to be constantly preoccupied and within the social presence of others. Although the primal, deeply, biologically-hardwired need for social connection will surely never dissipate from the individual’s primary psychological necessity-set, (as evidenced in Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs theory) the individual will not constantly feel compelled to be in contact with friends, family members, or mere strangers. The individual may find himself simply content, rejuvenated, and/or comfortable in the presence of others and out amid society. This diminished need for constant preoccupation with others and the social gossip that comes through these interactions will likely free the individual up to become more personally productive, content with the presence of oneself in quiet, and less anxious in the presence of others; even mere strangers. As I finish this piece, I am sitting on vacation, by myself, a thousand miles from friends, family, and home. This trip would have been a mere afterthought of impossibility a few years ago and prior to all my personal psychotherapy work. Today however, in this beautiful, peaceful moment of solitude, I could not imagine wanting to be with anyone else. One of the saddest things I see amongst my peers is those whom are so uncomfortable with themselves and in their own lives that they CONSTANTLY must be surrounded by others; and I remember once being that person and do not miss that parasitic need one bit. In the words of the great Terrell Owens, one of the NFL’s most elite wide receivers, trash talkers and narcissist’s “I love me some me!”

Effective psychotherapy ultimately provides the individual with the ego strength to cut out those individuals that add no substantial value, fulfillment or energy to his life as he begins to seek out individuals that do. As the individual goes through the growing pains that come with leaving behind old friends and friendships, he begins to seek out deeper, more personally-satisfying and fulfilling relationships. Informed with both the pleasant and unpleasant experiences and memories of his past relationships, as well as the newly gained knowledge from psychotherapy, the individual begins to “construct” his social life and relationships. He begins to become conscious about who he spends time with and in what social situations he places himself in. As Dr. Fishman said in response to my concern over forgetting old childhood friends and relationships “You’ll always have those memories with them. That will never go away.” It never has and never will. Those friends, whom I now only see occasionally, along with past lovers and other important figures in my life, live within my soul every day.

A good therapist will help the individual to realize that who he is as an individual is perfectly fine and more than enough. “Just be” as Dr. Fishman would so often implore of me. Additionally, the therapist will help the individual to see that he is not alone in his psychological struggles and that the issues and inquiries he is dealing with are generally something dealt with by most other individuals in his developmental age group (exceptions of course are in the case of major mental illnesses and those whom are severely developmentally stunted). Over the course of therapy, the individual will come to understand that ALL human beings suffer, and that no one is perfect no matter what social masks others put on. Dr. Richard Halgin, probably the best therapist I ever had, would often say things such as “And I am hearing similar things from a lot of my clients Joe” or “That’s not uncommon for you to be experiencing right now.” Although this social relatedness will certainly not heal all the individuals ails, it certainly helps the individual to understand that he is not alone, and that realization will in turn likely bring him some sort of relief.

On great self-expression, honesty, and connection to the world and others

  During the winter break of my senior year of undergraduate studies, I spent my time interning at a private psychotherapy practice not too far from my childhood home. This volunteer, unpaid experience gave me time to pick the brains of the group’s various individual clinicians. One of the clinicians I spoke to is a veteran Clinical Psychologist who has been practicing for decades and often sees ten or more clients in a day; a feat uncommon but for the field’s truest, most dedicated therapists. My first interaction with this esteemed psychologist was interesting to say the least. He walked into the office I had been assigned to work in for the day and simply just began talking. No true introduction as to who he was; no bullshit, socially acceptable formalities; he just started speaking: “Well you know I have had quite the interesting career. I began working at a state penitentiary after my graduate school training. Talk about the personality disorders in there.” I was so taken aback by his approach that it took me a minute or two to finally get my bearings on the situation. I recall being a bit out of sorts for a couple of minutes and not being able to even remember some of the content which he had literally just relayed to me. Wait, who was this guy again? Had he even revealed his name to me? He then rapidly shifted gears as he began talking about the cancer he had been diagnosed with, showing me the spot on his head and everything. “Apparently not eating is not good for you…,” he remarked, while slyly smirking and giving his signature shrug and roll of the eyes.

As we continued our conversation, I recall him mentioning some high-level psychological concepts and theories, therapeutic techniques, and famed professionals in the field. I did a decent job of keeping up and providing low-level feedback before he abruptly took off to his next client. I was so shocked and taken aback by it all. He seemed like a nice, knowledgeable clinician however, his whole approach was so sudden and unlike most daily interactions I have with individuals I have just met for the first time. I didn’t quite know what to think or say about it all. One thing I was certain of however: I did like him.

  As my time spent working at the practice continued, so did the interactions with this esteem psychologist and psychotherapist. Most days during the month-long internship, my makeshift office would be a little side desk located in the kitchenette area of the practice. I would be sitting there doing my work and every day that he was in and working, on cue at lunchtime (12 PM) in he would come. Occasionally there would be a few minutes of silence I continued to be productive however, once he began talking, which he usually did within five minutes, he seemingly wouldn’t stop for the entire hour of his lunch break. No matter how hard I may have tried, I simply could not NOT listen in and engage him in conversation. It was a golden opportunity for me to pick his brain about the field, the work he does, the graduate school process, and everything in between. He was engaging, thoughtful, knowledgeable, and most importantly…. CONFIDENT. Many therapists and psychologists get a bad rap within the scheme of greater society. They are written off as quacks, narcissists, clinical, and emotionally detached and quite frankly, some of them are. On the other hand, however, one must consider the daily burden they undergo listening to suffering after complaint after heartbreak. A true narcissist wouldn’t dedicate his or her life’s work to the helping of others. This man, however, was more TRULY confident and comfortable in his words then many other individuals I have met before.

   I write this long-winded antidote in order to highlight one of the other many peculiar benefits of psychotherapy: this increased feeling of comfortability in one’s own skin and greater connectedness to the world around oneself. In my eyes, there are so many people are there whom are FALSELY confident. They put on a fa?ade of ultra-masculinity and confidence when out in society and amongst friends that deep down inside absolutely kills them to consistently portray. Many can see through this illusion, but others may believe these individuals to truly have “everything figured out.” As alluded to in other sections, psychotherapy humbles the individual as he begins to understand that EVERYRONE struggles with and/or is struggling with something. As psychotherapy breeds true confidence in one self, the individual begins to gain the ego strength to TRULY express himself to others and the world around him. He may find himself, like the above-mentioned psychotherapist, simply beginning conversations with random strangers or merely content in the presence of strangers as opposed to deathly anxious. This overall increase in confidence and connection to his society, social group and community can lead to endlessly positive psychological benefits as the individual begins to feel apart of something greater then and bigger then himself.

On the Therapist-Client relationship

On the therapist becoming a real person; And the client becoming an individual

   Psychologists, psychiatrists, psychotherapists, and other healers of the mind are odd creatures. They see the world, and particularly people, in a sensitive, deep, intricate, and philosophical manner. The best are some of the world’s greatest thinkers, analyzers, storytellers, and healers. They strive to step outside the norms of human society and cultural expectations in an effort to find a better, more productive, and fulfilling way to human existence. Similar to true engineers, salesmen, lawyers, carpenters, and all other professional fields: the world’s healers of the mind are simply odd creatures. Then again, how can you not be when you derive some sort of sick, sadistic pleasure, enjoyment and fulfillment from listening to individual after individual share his deepest secrets and demons with you hour after hour, day in and day out?

Thus, after one’s first psychotherapy session, it is not entirely uncommon for the client to be a bit wary and thrown off by the individual he just spoke to for 15-50 minutes. In addition to the initial anxiety which comes along with one’s first psychotherapy session, the client will likely not know what to think or feel about the psychotherapist he just spoke to. The client may be intrigued by the psychotherapist, yet uneasy; unsure if this man or woman is a quack (which unfortunately many can be and are) or a true healer of the mind and his emotional ails. If the client decides to continue to embark on the personal exploration that is psychotherapy and fully commit himself to the process alongside this suspect individual who’s wall credentials and diplomas claim he is legitimate however, the client may find that there is an odd sort of transformation and positive influence that the process of psychotherapy can have on his daily life.

Over time and hourly sessions, the client may even begin to truly listen to and even take the advice provided by the psychotherapist as opposed to simply brushing off the psychotherapist’s words of wisdom as he the client continues to inundate him with his problems and complaints. Additionally, over time, and as the psychotherapist begins to slowly reveal more intimate details about his/her own life, he (the psychotherapist) slowly becomes seen by the client for whom he/she truly is: a human being with his/her own life and personal struggles. I vividly recall this slow realization happening with both of my psychotherapists (Dr. Fishman and Dr. Halgin). At the onset of therapy, Dr. Fishman was this odd, blue-eyed, intensely intrinsic foreign adult whom occasionally spent 24 consecutive hours meditating while on the other hand, Dr. Halgin was this renowned, intensely disciplined and wildly successful professor, therapist, consultant, and academic. Over time however, as with all intimate relationships, the two doctors were slowly brought down off their pedestals in my mind. Although they were still the two people I formerly described, they also become two middle-aged working professionals with wives, kids, and personal lives of their own. As the client begins to grow and progress as an individual, so does he close the gap between himself and the therapist. The therapist slowly loses his/her mythical air and oddness as the client begins to see him/her for what he/she truly is: just another individual traversing through his/her own journey of life.

On falling in love with/idolizing one’s therapist

    Building off of the last session content, it is not entirely uncommon for a client to fall in love with, or at the least begin to intensely idolize, his therapist, especially if the client did not have a strong attachment figure as a child in which he could attach himself to. The developmental psychological literature, specifically the work of Attachment theorist John Bowlby, informed us that we as human beings have an intense and innate need to attach ourselves to others; we are pair bonding creatures. As I traced back my own desire to become a therapist and join the helping profession, I recall as a young child and throughout my teenage/adolescent years intensely enjoying helping others in need, especially when that helping was related to emotional or mental difficulties. There is an intimate, and sometimes loving bond, that forms when one party shares with another his or her darkest secrets and demons especially when this discussion is had in secrecy, such as the common 50-minute psychotherapy sessions that psychotherapists conduct. It is important however, that both client and psychotherapists alike keep their intimate feelings towards one another in check. It is often these brewing of intimate emotions that lead to acts of unethicality and legal repercussions in psychotherapy.

Additionally, I do not find it to be uncommon for human beings to look for and strive to find deities in human form as we navigate through the complexities of our lives. Whether we attempt to locate these hypothetical individuals through spirituality and modern religion, significant and intimate others, elder providers of wisdom, or caregivers, we seem to have an innate predisposition to seek someone, or something, whom has answers for the most difficult and intricate questions and issues of life. Therapists can often provide and/or play the role of this god-like figure. On some level, Dr. Richard Halgin is and always likely will be a step below God in my eyes. It is comforting for me to know that even at my lowest of emotional lows, there is always someone just a phone call away whom can alleviate at least some of my ails via a couple of 50-minute psychotherapy sessions. This desire for the presence of a higher being, coupled with the intimacy which true and real psychotherapy inevitably brings along with it, may thus lead to the client falling in love with, idolizing, and/or developing deep, emotional feelings toward his therapist. As important as it is that the therapist keep any feelings, he/she may have in check however, it is equally important to the success of his psychotherapy that the client check his feelings toward his therapist at the door every time he arrives for psychotherapy.

On Time

On Therapeutic Time Needed

There is no specified time as to when one’s uncomfortable psychological symptoms will subside throughout the duration of his psychotherapy sessions and thus, no exact “correct” amount of psychotherapy sessions in which one can engage himself in. It is also quite possible, and often likely, that one’s distressing symptoms may never fully subside despite the numerous quantities of high-quality psychotherapy sessions in which he engages himself in. In other words, the individual may consistently experience occasional bouts or moments of depression, distressing traumatic memories, symptoms of his PTSD, and/or feelings of intense angst, panic, or doom. The goal of psychotherapy then, is for the clinician to provide the client with the internal tools to recognize, identify, and ultimately alleviate these distressing symptoms on his own accord (to become his own psychotherapist) in order to diminish the frequency, duration, and severity of these distressing psychological complications.

The therapeutic time needed, to acquire the above mentioned internal skills, for the late life client who presents to a clinician experiencing vivid and acute traumatic memories (which are in turn causing psychological, physiological, physical, and emotional pain/distress) of a childhood filled with chronic abuse and neglect is likely to be far greater than the therapeutic time needed for a college-aged client presenting with his first bout of depression due merely to recent life stressors. The neurological imprints and mappings left on the formerly described client’s brain makes for a much larger clinical and personal endeavor for both clinician and ailing client. It is entirely possible, and indeed quite likely, that the formerly described client may continue to experience these distressing, intrusive thoughts/memories for some time to come. It is the hope of the clinician however, and ultimately the goal of psychotherapy, that through the passage of words and verbalization of such internal states that the client will experience some form of cathartic emotional release so that he may fully enjoy the beauty of everyday life without having to carry around the daily emotional and mental burdens of his personal history. Nevertheless, the therapeutic time needed to alleviate any ail(s) depends on a variety of variables. Some of these variables include: one’s willingness to engage himself in deep and meaningful therapy/therapeutic sessions – a task that is much easier said than done; the severity of one’s inner ails; the length of suffering/ailing prior to seeking out the current method of treatment; the professionalism and degree of the therapist’s expertise; as well as several other contributing factors. In conclusion, there is no magic number of psychotherapy sessions which will then alleviate one’s distressing symptoms. Although an experienced clinician may lay out a set treatment plan for the presenting client, ultimately the decision to terminate psychotherapy must be made at the discretion of both the client and attending clinician.

On greater time elapsed between psychotherapy sessions

Generally, those who report to psychotherapy for the first time are in desperate need. Whatever their chief complaint(s) is has been an ongoing issue for some time now and they have finally made the decision to seek third party assistance in an effort to alleviate their ail(s). Whether it be a string of bad relationships, constant suicidality, or chronic low self-esteem, the individual whom initially presents to the clinician is generally not in a good state, and likely has not been in some time. Thus, it is not uncommon that the clinician recommends his client meet with him quite frequently at the onset of therapy (twice weekly, weekly, or biweekly) in order to alleviate some of his uncomfortable symptoms immediately. As time presides however, and the client begins to improve and gain the skills necessary to become his own therapist, it is likely that less and less psychotherapy sessions will be necessary. The client will begin to feel more adept and equipped to handle his daily tasks and burdens without the crutch of and need for his weekly psychotherapy session(s) to lean on.

Dr. Richard Halgin told a story in his Abnormal Psychology class of an elderly client he had been seeing for several years which illuminates and highlights this point. The client had been so for nearly a decade and was in the latter half of his life, similar to Dr. Halgin. Although the client had frequent visits with Dr. Halgin years ago when he began seeing him, he only saw him every once and while currently as a sort of “checkup.” Halgin explained that whenever the client would come to see him, he would joke “You’re still alive?! Aren’t we both supposed to be dead by now?” Most psychotherapists ARE doctors; and thus, therapy may eventually become the equivalent of any other visit to a doctor’s office. We call our primary care clinician when we suspect we have the flu; we locate a neurologist when we suspect neurological complications and thus, as time goes on and less and less therapy is needed, we ought to utilize our therapists in a similar manner as we do any of our other doctors. They should be trusted and available for us to utilize when we deem necessary (following a break up, unexpected death, traumatic event, re-occurrence of unpleasant symptoms, etc.).

On Becoming a Person

On becoming truer, realer, and deeper

Potentially one of the most beneficial outcomes of successful psychotherapy is the greater sense of realness and trueness to oneself which the client feels upon the termination of psychotherapy. One of the main tenets of humanistic psychology holds that all human beings strive for a state of personal self-actualization, or the congruence between one’s actual and ideal self. The humanist’s theorized that much of human suffering comes from an in-congruence and disparity between one’s ideal and actual self and thus, many individuals seek out psychotherapy to (consciously or unconsciously) close the gap which this uncomfortable in-congruence creates. Although it is unlikely that all human psychological suffering can be attributed to this perceived in-congruence, there is certainly some truth to the theory. An individual whom wishes so desperately to be a painter and yet become an accountant in order to fulfill the wishes and desires of his parents, is likely going to feel some sort of daily suffering as his actual and idealized selves do not align with one another. I digress. The goal of successful psychotherapy then, holding the humanistic theory on human suffering to be true, is for one to attain some degree of self-actualization by beginning to inch ever closer to his ideal self, slowly making this once fantasized state his actual, every day self and removing the suffering that arose from the incongruity. Over the course of successful psychotherapy, the client may drop many old, undesirable habits, behaviors, and thought patterns and begin to adopt more efficient, productive, and self-fulfilling ones.

It seems that there are several personality traits, behavioral tendencies, and identity characteristics which we as individuals each possess yet on some conscious or unconscious level find undesirable (one’s actual self) and wish to rid ourselves of and replace with new, more beneficial and self-fulfilling traits, tendencies, and characteristics (one’s ideal self). Successful psychotherapy works to break down the purely psychological barriers which keep us from becoming our ideal selves as individuals. Whether it be the prospect of what society would think, the implications such drastic changes would have on our social lives (discussed in section above), the fear of failure, or any other extraneous fear or doubt, successful psychotherapy works to destroy these doubts and aid us in our transition into becoming our idealized selves and in pursuit of our true dreams and relationships. I can recall a session with Dr. Fishman in which I was desperately pleading with him, and in turn myself, as I exclaimed “You know Doc, I really just do not enjoy going to the bars. I never want to go but all my ‘friends’ do it, so I feel compelled to.” He looked at me, shook his head, and chuckled slightly as he said, “Then don’t go.” At that moment it clicked: it was that easy. Just don’t go if you really don’t want to.

Additionally, as the individual becomes truer to his core self and state of being, he begins to feel more deeply, truly and in greater alignment to his true emotions. The individual who has undergone successful psychotherapeutic treatment will no longer be afraid to truly feel the emotions he has so often suppressed. He will experience the depths of true love for another being, if not all beings, and let himself in turn be loved by those whom wish to do so. He will allow himself the ample time needed to grieve, mourn, and bask in true sadness, crying when necessary and doing what is needed for him to express his emotions. The individual begins to love deeper then he has ever loved before and subsequently hurt deeper than he ever has before experiencing the depths of both the greatest and most miserable aspects of human existence which make it so encapsulatingly beautiful.

On taking accountability and responsibility for one’s life

As discussed in the introduction, this piece was written as an ode to the late great Carl Rogers’ book On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy. In his book, Rogers discusses the ways in which psychotherapy can aid the individual in his quest to becoming a true, full, and self-actualized individual. In my opinion, one of the greatest burdens in this quest to become a true, fully self-actualized individual is the bearing of responsibility and accountability for one’s own life.

Among several other major life realizations, the time in which one spends engaged in 50 minute intensely scrutinized psychotherapy sessions dawns on him the realization that this life, HIS life, is no one else’s to live. Although there is likely to be several voices and opinions provided by those surrounding the individual, the life decisions made by him is no one else’s burden to bear but his own: both the good, the bad, and the ugly. This realization may be a lonely and somber one as the individual begins to understand that on some level he is intensely alone in this world and that his life is completely up to him. The individual begins to take TRUE responsibility for his life and further accountability for the life decisions he has thus far made. If his life is not how he wishes it to be, there is a disparity between his actual and idealized self, the individual begins to understand that it is his responsibility to remove/lessen that disparity and moreover, that through the tools gained within psychotherapy, he has the power to indeed close this gap in order to achieve a more desirable and aligned existence.

Conclusion

   Psychotherapy, or as it is often more commonly known and referred to as “traditional talk therapy,” is not for everyone. It is just not. I have friends and colleagues whom refuse to even engage themselves in an intake session due to personal reasons, past horror experiences, financial restrictions, or a multitude of other personal reservations. There are even times when psychotherapy can and has harmed the client, making symptoms more severe and exacerbated then they were prior to one’s brave engagement in the process. Additionally, successful psychotherapy certainly will not heal all emotional or mental wounds. Some psychological damage, mostly incomprehensible to me, is so deeply rooted that the chances of simple talk therapy fully curing it is practically impossible. If, however, one is willing to take the risk of venturing down the often difficult, long path of self-discovery and examination, as this article argues, he may just find there to be many unsuspected, and often mysterious, beneficial aspects to successful psychotherapeutic treatment.

Personally, I could not be more grateful for my psychotherapeutic experience. I have been blessed to experience two amazing, qualified, and understanding therapists while having the privilege of having most of my financial expenses regarding psychotherapy covered for either by insurance or through parental means. I can vividly recall my habits, behaviors, and thought patterns slowly but surely being forever changed and morphed for the better. As Dr. Fishman said to me in our final departing session “these are skills and tools that you will carry with you throughout your lifetime” and for that, amongst many other things, I am forever grateful.