The psychology of conflict: ‘I am triggered, therefore I am’

"I think, therefore I am" - in Latin, ‘Cogito, ergo sum - is the "first principle" of the philosophy of the 17th-century philosopher René Descartes and with this axiom Descartes establishes the solid foundation that a thinking mind is proof that a person does in fact exist. Whilst thoughts, as the result of the act of thinking, can be figments of imagination, delusions, or errors in judgement, the mere?act?of thinking as an?endeavour,?is?in fact what serves as proof of the reality of one’s own mind and therefore existence. Spinoza in his masterwork ''The Ethics,'' which was published after his death in 1677, challenged, among others, Descartes’s understanding of the self through the prism of the thinking mind.?Spinoza argued instead that body and mind are, one and the same, and do vary simultaneously. Furthermore, he developed the theory of the?‘conatus’, the life-force, understood as the basic drive for self-preservation, which unifies the body/mind modes of existing, and the theory of emotions. Spinoza argues that our emotions, 'affects', control all of our actions, reactions and behaviours. Key to empowering oneself, as Spinoza argues, is to understand the causes of our emotions, which is a line of thought followed by various forms of psychotherapy and modern coaching practices.

‘I am triggered, therefore I am’ will qualify as our maxim in the discussion of how to prepare for and face conflict situations. Conflict resolution assumes that one first needs to acknowledge one's existence and experience in the world through his/her emotions and feelings. Understanding one's triggers and the cause of those may help view conflict triggers as a catalyst for change and growth, thus forming part of our broader discussion of the psychology surrounding conflict. The mere act of feeling and the uncomfortable experience that accompanies certain emotions can provide the avenue for building awareness of one’s identity, limiting beliefs, needs, boundaries, past, pathways for growth and ultimately managing and potentially resolving conflict.?

In recent years the phrase ‘I am triggered’ is being widely used and often ‘thrown around’ in casual conversation and mainstream media?worldwide to describe a severely dysregulated nervous system and heightened emotions which are possibly even coupled with physical symptoms and come as a reaction to any sort of sensory or behavioural stimulus one is facing in the present moment. The clinical use of the term ‘trigger’ should be distinguished from the everyday use of the term ‘trigger’. In the former case?the term 'trigger' identifies?a stimulus that causes a person to recall a traumatic experience of the past, which stimulus involuntarily and mentally transports the person to re-live the emotions experienced during the event of his original trauma. In the latter case?the term?‘trigger’ identifies?a stimulus that prompts?a justified and healthy reaction to a present threat, that often comes in the form of an encroachment of a person’s rights, needs and personal boundaries.??

Exhibiting intense emotions, especially in the form of disgust, anger, grief and remorse for example, often receives a bad reputation, in part, because such emotions are habitually associated with people’s extreme acting on or acting out those emotions with aggression, violence, lethargy, self-harm or mania and hyperactivity respectively. In today’s society, to add insult to injury, characterising emotions as appropriate or inappropriate respectively is often undertaken through a sexist lens. Anger is particularly demonised in women, who are stigmatised as hysterical or out of order when observed in that emotional state. On the opposing side, sadness and tearfulness is particularly demonised in men, who are often stigmatised as weak or unreasonably delicate when observed in that emotional state.?

Experiencing the discomfort of those emotions without attempting to numb and dampen that experience often proves a hard task and one which generations of the western world have avoided as an anathema. Psychoanalytically a highly skilled therapist will with his or her presence ‘hold’ the client’s heightened emotions whilst the client is experiencing them in session, which process is seen as one to help in the client’s recovery and empowerment to better his or her position to emotionally self-regulate in a healthy manner in the future.??

When it comes to conflict situations and emotion, one needs to be mindful that a catch-22 exists enabling a vicious cycle to potentially emerge blurring the lines between causes of conflict and triggers of emotions respectively. The issues that can kickstart conflict subsequently eliciting strong emotional reactions are the same issues that can trigger heightened emotions that lead to conflict, making it difficult to differentiate between cause and effect.?

The circumstances of threat presented by any form of conflict will undoubtedly present themselves as a set of ‘triggers’.??In polite social discourse people often refrain from talking about the uncomfortable truths surrounding conflict experienced in one's life and lifetime, creating an impression that conflicts are a rarity. However, conflict between people is normal, natural and an inevitable part of life-at work, at home and in all relationships with others. A negative attitude towards conflict has been adopted because of not having learned constructive ways of dealing with it.?Conflict is omnipresent in people’s lives, and yet few examples exist of empowered individuals equipped with tools and skills to engage in or resolve conflicts. This reality births the need for conflict coaching.?Conflict coaching is a process, usually comprising of a pre-determined set of hourly sessions planned between the client and the coach which aims to empower the individual client to work on bettering his or her emotional self-regulation in the long-term, provide a space for reflection on the client’s responses to some form of unresolved conflict, confrontation or relationship difficulty, whether it concerns familial relationships or relationships developed through work, the community or business and allows for the development of an action plan to manage the conflict at hand.

Key questions to consider with your coach in our conflict coaching sessions are whether the identified ‘trigger’ is the result of past trauma or a response to a real-time violation of boundaries, rights and needs. Answers to such questions will help address how one will show up in the handling of the conflict at hand and future ones. In our next newsletter item, we endeavour to explore the concepts of trauma and needs in more depth, as well as a toolkit for managing your ‘triggers’ helping you understand key aspects relating to conflict management.

We can jointly explore options for the type of support you may require and offer a complimentary 15 minute initial online consultation to that end. At GT Mediation | Dispute Resolution we provide restorative legal support services to individuals and teams engaging in relational conflict and/or litigation processes, as well as to individuals and teams subject to dispute induced psychological trauma prior to, during and post conflict/litigation processes. For further enquiries on conflict coaching or to book a conflict coaching session with us please contact us at?[email protected]?

Article for the LinkedIn Newsletter?‘Conflict No More’

About the Author: Dr Georgina Tsagas??is the Conflict Resolution Coach and Lead Mediator at?GT Mediation | Dispute Resolution?providing training, mediation and support coaching services to individuals and organisations. Georgina is currently training?in psychoanalytical studies: theory and practice, and in conflict coaching with?Solution Talk LLP complementing her practical mindset and experience as a qualified Solicitor practising since 2017 and her wide range of legal expertise in the areas of governance, corporate law, sustainability, contract law and business/financial transactions as a full-time academic at a series of Russell Group Higher Education Institutions in the United Kingdom since 2013.

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For information on our?GT Mediation?| Dispute Resolution?services and lead mediator profile please visit our?website.?The objective of?GT Mediation?is to provide individuals and organisations with conflict resolution training, dispute resolution and legal mediation services in the United Kingdom and Greece.