Psychologist, Heal Yourself: Postcards from the Dead (Part 3)

(Psychologist, Heal Yourself is a series of reflections shared from my own lived experiences of trauma and happiness from the perspective of a psychologist and human to help others come to terms with their own lived stories and cope better during these challenging times)

When my best friend Peter died suddenly from long covid; I could not make peace with it as it was unexpected and we were just in text conversations the day before. He had presented no signs and his family was about to fly in and drive in to celebrate his birthday with him in Miami. I met him when he worked in Singapore and he was such a good person. When he was leaving he had over 200 people attend his farewell party. He got on with everyone and always had a kind compassionate thing to say about everyone even though who irritated the rest of us. He also was always smiling and full of jokes (which I later learnt he had memorized since he was young to avoid socially being left out).

He was my best friend as he checked in on me regularly. I am the one that usually checks in on others. I present as strong and capable and I can manage myself. Perhaps that is how the outer appearance I built so long being a senior woman leader; that I managed to convince all those around me - I am always OK. Peter saw me as me. Sometimes strong, sometimes vulnerable confused and weak. He saw me as human. Not the super human I presented.

So this story is how he came to my support during a particularly trying times.

Recently in February 2024, I had to go to my apartment in Berlin as I needed to meet the law enforcers as they break legally to my apartment. My tenant had stopped paying for months and did not return the keys, so I had no rent and no way to access my own apartment. So I was flying for that event and it was a specific date and I could not miss it. So here was I ready to fly Lufthansa to Germany. Only the day of the flight, I am changed to Turkish airways as Lufthansa was under strike. I panicked as I was not sure how it would affect my journey. This unsettled me as I was so worried to miss the legal meeting. I even wrote my lawyer ahead in case I could not make it. When I arrived at the airport, the counter told that I was lucky to even get on board the flight as it was super full from both airlines. I was so grateful and still a little worried.

Part 3: Angels Fly Turkish Airlines

When I finally got into my seat on Turkish airlines, then and only then; I calmed down. I then did my usual - find a movie. I found this independent movie “ Bezos: The Beginnings”. I was watching it the way you would in an airplane distracted by the food service and my fellow seat mate; when I saw the opening credits - Peter A Lees, Producer. That is the name of my best friend who passed. I was super shocked so I rewinded and watched it again. and again and again. Yes that was him. And I cried.

At the end of the movie, they had a special mention of Peter. I took at video of it and when we transited in Istanbul I sent it to his sister and I added it to my Facebook. It was clear Peter wanted me to know he was with me on my work trip. Later on when I did get to Germany and had to choose between two agents for the sales processing; I ended choosing another Peter as my original sales representative was not accommodating. I am happy to say this Peter too has been very supportive.

I was in awe and in such a place of gratitude and love to have my friend come 100% in front of me, to remind me I was not alone - even if I was making the journey by myself and worried about money and the business of it all. Indeed throughout that trip I never felt alone. My friends there appeared to help me and new friends kept me company too. In fact it went seamlessly. I was protected by Peter the Angel.

I am writing about my dialogues with those who have passed as a way of sharing how I have come away from grief to a place of accepting their deaths by seeing that they never really left. My mom, my father, my grandmother, my best friend - all send me love notes/postcards from beyond to ensure I never feel alone even when they who have loved me the most are no longer here on this physical plane. When I believed they were gone for good, it was hard for my emotional state. I would cry at masses as everything reminded me of my mom and how she was no longer around for me. Now everything reminds me of mom in a good way, like we are still in dialogue and I can ask her for help. Watch for Part 4 as that’s when I share mom’s postcards.

I am writing this for those of you still in grief or loss or like me suffered so many losses your heart could not manage. PM me - I am doing a Circle for us.