Psychologist, Heal Yourself: Postcards from the Dead (Part 1)

(Psychologist, Heal Yourself is a series of reflections shared from my own lived experiences of trauma and happiness from the perspective of a psychologist and human to help others come to terms with their own lived stories and cope better during these challenging times)

Making meaning of losing 17 family and friends during the pandemic has been the an on-going struggle as some of you may know from reading my other posts. Perhaps I am lucky to form deep friendship and had such devoted uncles and aunts and parents and grandparents that the losing them presented such a blow as their entire energy and smell and kindness seemed to be robbed from my life. I also did not know how to make meaning from being without them, as I felt I never finished our conversations especially those with my best friend P whom I expected to be with me to my end..and we had discussed co-living options and even a retirement business. Our vision gave me hope for a future, now I felt very lost and confused. As many of you have felt and are still reeling from the pandemic and world events

But many people have comforted me saying the dead are never really gone; they are still with us. And this I have found to be true as my best friend P and my father decided to send me - what I call “postcards” from beyond. Here are the stories and I hope you make meaning of your own deaths and losses in these challenging times of instability.

Story 1: Sugee Cake

I did not have the best of relationships with my father as he was challenged by alcoholism and demons from his family of origin. Recently I decided to try some ways to reconnect with him by asking him for a sign. I followed the advice of an expert medium and she said to ask them for a sign in daily life that was a stretch or very unusual but not so unusual that it would be impossible.

Being Eurasian our cake of choice is the sugee cake. So I asked my dad to send me a sugee cake within the week so I knew he was with me. This was not an easy task as not many people knew how to make it or sell it, even in Singapore. Now the expert said we had to be open minded and perhaps expect a photo of the cake or the mention of it - not always the physical one. I was willing to dialogue with my late father in this fun way. So I waited. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Day 3. Now in the ‘nothing’ time; outside of my apartment I found an abandoned cigarette pack. I was just very upset that a neighbour could be irresponsible to leave their trash outside my home. It was only on Day 3 as I was heading to my cousin (also a Neubronner) wedding that I realised that the cigarette pack was my father’s first post card! My father was a heavy smoker and drinker so he was saying ”hello” in his own way. I laughed as a I realised I had asked him for what I wanted and he gave me his traditional DAD energy instead. Which was funny but very true even in our physical lives.

However the wedding was what simply took the cake, pun intended. When I arrived I found that the bride’s father had pain stakingly made a wedding cake for his Eurasian family… wait for it, wait for it… SUGEE. So a “Neubronner father gave his Eurasian daughter a sugee cake”!

I was so surprised and happy and touched by the entire heavenly dialogue.

People may say it’s not too far a stretch to ask … I mean sugee cake at an Eurasian wedding? Not a surprise. However for her dad who is older to make the entire cake himself… such an act of love - twice over. Once for her to feel and once more for us to feel it with her and for me to feel my father’s love through her father’s love and them being cousins made it all the more special.

So I laughed all the way home and said Thanks DAD.

But he had another one postcard up his sleeves.

The next day was June 1. And I received a text from a Ghanaian priest who wished me a prayer wish. He is a friend from my work in the church. But do you see what it symbolically meant?

A TEXT

From a FATHER (priest is called FATHER in the Catholic Faith)

And btw that is what the TEXT NAME is.. as I called him “Father” in my phone directory.

By now I hope you feel shivers and the connection to those who have passed… and perhaps have stories of your own. In terms of wellbeing - these post cards from the dead have helped me in times of confusion and challenge as I feel I am still speaking to my loved ones and the ones that loved me uncondtionally, even if they are no longer on this plane. When I feel alone; I dialogue with them in this language of signs.

PM me with your stories? And do share this and comment and like … I want to see hope in the light of loss and death and grief and shed a small light for others who suffer like I once did.