PROVOKING CANDOR

I believe most of us can agree we need a bit more candor at work.? I recognize that it can be found in abundance in some workplaces.? I also know it will never exist in some toxic cultures.? However, for most teams it’s valuable and needed – but difficult.? It’s difficult because being candid often represents risk.? We know that to be frank is to flout a norm of civility in the eyes of some.? We also know that it could invite critical thoughts or comments that jeopardize our position on the team.? Who needs that?? So, we censor.? Not good.?Let’s talk about provoking a little candor.

Here is a simple process that might help.? This applies to most professionals, but especially those in positions of leadership.

Ask for it.? One on one.? In team meetings.? Electronically.? Make it part of the performance evaluation process as well.? Of course, you don’t want to overplay your hand and start to sound like a broken record.? You can’t talk about anything, let alone candor, all the time.? Instead, be thoughtful about occasionally bringing up the topic with an example (of a time it was present or a time maybe it should have been). ?Ask for their perspective about the example you shared.? It’s also okay (again, once in a while) to just suggest that you feel it’s been lacking to see how they react.? You’re not pointing fingers at specific people, just suggesting that you feel we can ramp it up a little.?

Talk and educate.? Hopefully, when you ask for more candor, they will at least engage in conversation.? You can talk about what candor is (honest, well-intended, critical or questioning, relevant) and is not (overly personal or biased, not intended to help, too harsh or negative, off topic).? Just try to reinforce that candor is about measured and needed conversations that are sometimes challenging, not about just criticizing or disagreeing.? Try to move beyond generalities and talk about relevant situations from the past or that you might encounter in the future to give the team a clear context that helps the idea come to life.?

Be candid yourself.? All good leaders model the way.? What you do matters more than what you say.? Candor goes in all directions too.? Thus, be candid about yourself, your thoughts, and some of your mistakes.? Be candid about what management just did (to the extent possible).? Be candid one-on-one and with the team.? Be candid following wins too, not just mistakes or problems.? To be clear, I’m not saying every single one of these occasions requires a lot of candor.? Pure candor 24/7 is a problem.? These are just possibilities that might allow you to sprinkle in a little candor when needed.? The point is that when you show them you mean it by engaging this behavior yourself, they are far more likely to follow suit. ?Start simple - mention a time you screwed up and had to work really hard to repair a situation.? This extra bit of humility often helps put them at ease.?

Validate and explore.? When others demonstrate candor on the team, find an appropriate way to validate the behavior.? That might be a small smile and nod, a statement agreeing, or an original candid response in return.? At a minimum, share that you appreciate them speaking up (in the moment or offline, as you see fit).? Don’t dwell or make a big production.? Just use a quick nod or a very small number of words to let them know you appreciate them sharing.? All these gestures give their behavior value and increase the odds of others entering the conversation.? That’s when you begin exploring new possibilities.? It might be a tough topic or situation, but candor helps you get lucid and realistic about the options that are available.?

Be patient.? New skills take time.? If you mention candor a few times and see no real progress, don’t panic. ?Changing group culture takes time. ?It might take a few weeks, but you’ll get there when you ask, talk, and get candid yourself.? If nothing changes, there is another issue.? You might have a poor performance culture (people don’t believe they will be held to meaningful standards), an issue with how you are perceived that you don’t yet understand, or some other explanation.? In any case, it’s time for what some call a “come to Jesus” meeting.? I call them “super candor” meetings.? You tell the team kindly, but very emphatically, what you see as the issue, why the behavior must change, and what the consequences will be should change not happen.? In the extreme, you also of course might use performance evaluations and personnel changes to affect change, but it’s never wise to start with these options.?

Manage wall flowers.? Teams do not become high performing teams unless all members are engaged.? However, we’re all wonderfully different, thus how we reach people with a message might vary person to person.? Some hear you loud and clear in a team meeting.? Others might need to chat privately one-on-one to feel comfortable opening up to you.? Just because you have one or two quiet members in team meetings doesn’t mean they don’t want to engage.? So, try other avenues.? They might prefer emails, texts, or other digital means.? Keep trying.? It’s a process of trial and error to a certain extent as you learn about the way that each person is most comfortable addressing certain issues.?

Celebrate wins.? Validating candor is important, celebrating great moments candor helped create is even more important.? That outcome might include a new level of honesty and productivity in team conversations.? Maybe candor helped create a new way to manage a client that has worked very well.? Maybe one member of the team realized they need to shift how they approach a particular task or conversation, making the team less anxious and more engaged.? Whatever form the outcome takes, if a little elevated candor is one of the things that got you there, be sure the team knows that you appreciate how their straight talk and brave conversations are a big part of the success.

To be intentionally redundant, we don’t want excess candor.? They say everything in moderation, and candor is a wonderful example.? Too much means frayed relationships and a difficult team vibe that nobody enjoys.? Too little and we’ll all die slowly while being super kind to each other.? Get it just right and experience a little of that sometimes elusive team magic.? Start lightly and work your way to improved comfort with candor.? Also, don’t be surprised when more candor is used to address how you do things.? Let them speak, show you are listening, affirm them but be honest, and find a way to act on something they say occasionally to really show them you appreciate their ideas.? In short, stop seeing candor as a threat.? It can be challenging, but it’s a tool that helps you unlock reinvigorated conversation.? Hey, next level conversation really is the beginning of innovation.? Long live candor!?

WHAT’S UP WITH DR. D?

Keeping with the theme of this month’s newsletter, allow me to indulge and be a bit more candid than usual.? I didn’t send out a newsletter two weeks ago as I normally would.? I’ve been struggling to focus on work.? It’s odd too since I love what I do.? Not bragging, just being honest and trying to remain in a state of gratitude.? For those wondering… my superhero wife is still in the fight.? Not a great deal has changed over the four plus years she’s been dealing with stage four lung cancer.? This drug does not work, that one works really well.? Hey, it’s popped up over here, let’s zap it.? Now it’s popped up over there, so we’ll zap it again.? She’s strong and trying to stay focused and positive, but it’s hard.? On top of that we are lucky to have Haylee the granddaughter with us as well.? She’s now wrapping up the first semester of her sophomore year in high school.? Like most teens, she’s facing some challenges, but she’s also been blossoming and growing.? I’m getting a worldclass education on teenage girls lol.? Very different than boys!? LOL.?

I always seem to be taking Cheryl and Haylee to something:? a doctor’s appointment, chemo infusion, social outing, etc.? To be clear – I’m not complaining.? I wouldn’t change a thing.? Just being honest.? It can be a lot and I’m tired, probably not as tired as Cheryl.? Am I making excuses or just being honest about things?? I’m not sure it matters, because as soon as you recognize that question, it’s time to do something.? I’ve been in ruts before, we all have, but this one is unique.? Tired and busy is one thing, but I’ve also been mentally off.? Not depressed – I don’t think so anyway.? Just not near my normal average so to speak.? It’s like trying to run while covered in tar, know what I mean?? Then I experience a hiccup like missing a newsletter and it jolts my self-awareness and a see that I’m just running in place.? That feels odd for sure, but then I remember this:? it’s okay to not be okay.? For most of us, that’s an occasional issue.? We endure it and get back to life.? For others, it persists, and they might need a professional helping hand.? Either way, that’s normal.? It’s okay to not be okay.? I’ll shake the funk and get back to it soon enough.?

For those interested, here’s even more candor!? I can’t talk about Cheryl and Haylee without mentioning my two boys as well.? They would not be happy if they knew that I sometimes mention them online (but they don’t really know, so let’s keep this between us).? Paxon is getting ready for graduation in the spring from Rhodes College in Memphis.? He’s begun the job search and is trying to be more optimistic than nervous.? That’s an amazing and challenging time of life.? He’s stressed but putting in the work.? Parker is wrapping up college applications and should have a few good options pretty soon.? He’s excited, nervous, and very much looking forward to the college experience.? Also, he just got his first dunk in a varsity basketball game too – and collected on a bet with me. ?

I should credit the boys with helping me.? Over the last couple of years, I’ve seen both go through difficult issues at school, in relationships, etc.? I recall telling them at different times, “It’s okay to not be okay.”? Now I need to take my own advice.? Did I mention that I’m about to buy my first bicycle in about twenty-five years?? I’m very excited.?

For the last time dear reader, remember, it’s okay to not be okay.? Thank you for the continued support.? I’m genuinely grateful.?

Until next time – go learn something, maybe help someone, or at least do something interesting!

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