Protecting Your Peace: Acknowledging the Emotional Strain of Speaking Up About Race (Part 1)

When the professional is personal

Conversations about race and racism in the workplace are inherently challenging, but for Black employees, these discussions often carry an additional emotional weight. Whether expected to lead these conversations or contribute to them, Black professionals are regularly placed in a position where they must balance the demands of their job with the emotional labour that comes with the desire to be part of the solution, even knowing that they haven’t created the problem.

While on my social media hiatus, I’ve been thinking deeply about what it means to prioritise peace and safety in spaces where this subject remains one of emotion, discomfort, and, in some cases, resentment, particularly knowing what can happen when Black employees step forward to engage, educate, and raise awareness.

I’ve got some thoughts on that, and upcoming articles will give practical scenario-based advice on preparing for and engaging in conversations about race. However, I wanted to start by acknowledging and expanding on some complicated emotions one can feel when discussing racism and/or how our racial identity influences the way we engage and navigate within an organisation.

For us, we are not just addressing abstract issues; we’re sharing lived experiences, navigating the emotional toll of racism, and balancing the weight of expectations, judgement and discomfort. In organisations that are not yet racially literate i.e. there is still a discomfort in naming the problem, a preference to protect feelings of unease and a disproportionate amount of energy spent on ensuring ‘no one is left behind’ - it’s essential to acknowledge the range of emotions - like relief, fear, annoyance, resentment, hope, frustration, and even guilt - that come up in these conversations; mainly when you are a Black person leading or engaging in these conversations.

In writing this article, I wanted to create space to explore these emotions, not just as something to be managed per se but to acknowledge and validate emotions that you may have felt, yet because very little space is created to unpack these, it can often feel like you are the only one. Therefore, something is wrong with you for feeling the way you do.

You are not on your own and your feelings are valid.

Disclaimers

1. While this and the following articles focus specifically on anti-Black racism and, therefore, are directed to Black professionals, the principles discussed can undoubtedly be applied and adapted by anyone affected by racism, regardless of racial identity.

2. You’ll notice I often use the terms ‘we’ and ‘us’ rather than ‘you’ and ‘they’ - this is intentional. Even though this work is part of my day job, I’ve had to (and still) personally navigate these same emotions, sometimes all at once, and I want to acknowledge that shared experience.

3. I do not assume that all Black people feel this way, nor am I telling you what you should or shouldn’t do. Engaging in this subject is a personal choice, and you do not owe anyone an explanation for why you do (or don’t) engage in workplace conversations about race.

4. If you’re not Black and/or don’t have personal experience with racism and this article makes you feel unease or discomfort, that’s a part of your growth journey. Spend some time to unravel the root cause of that discomfort.

It’s an emotional rollercoaster, right?

Some of the negative emotions that you may feel can be deeply tied to the expectations placed on Black employees to consistently take the lead in these discussions, often without the necessary support, recognition, or shared responsibility. These emotions can manifest in several ways (in no particular order):

1. Relief – the initial weight that is lifted when you finally speak your truth

When you finally speak your truth and say what you’ve always wanted to say after suppressing your thoughts, opinions and reactions, it can feel like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders. There’s also a sense of relief when others speak up, signalling that you’re not alone and someone else is taking up the fight alongside you. However, once the initial elation wears off, those late-night thoughts creep in: Will there be any action or change, or is this just another conversation that goes nowhere? Has this been a big mistake?

2. Fear – the anxiety that comes with speaking up

Fear can be a constant undercurrent in these conversations. It always strikes me as odd that there is so much conversation about white leaders being afraid to do or say the wrong thing and little to no acknowledgement of what it means to be the person experiencing racism who is then also expected to speak up, educate and raise awareness. I digress.

There’s the fear of being labelled as "difficult" or "angry" when you speak up and the worry that your career could be affected by the perception that you’re too outspoken. There’s also the fear of rejection, dismissal or even gaslighting - what if your concerns aren’t taken seriously or are trivialised? For many Black professionals, the fear of retaliation, exclusion, or increased isolation after speaking up is very real, and it often prevents people from engaging in these discussions in the first place. Irrespective of how much reassurance is given, we cannot pretend to ignore the negative consequences of what happens when you’re a Black person speaking up.

What you may find yourself doing, therefore, is either avoiding conversations about racism or self-censoring, i.e. holding back your true thoughts or moderating your tone and language to avoid being seen as confrontational, angry, aggressive, intimidating or too emotional.

3. Resentment – The burden of being the unofficial ‘racial’ spokesperson

This can arise from the burden of always being expected to speak up, educate, or challenge systemic issues - directly or indirectly. It comes from feeling like there’s an unspoken obligation to address racism because if we don’t, no one else will. For many Black professionals, there’s a sense of being involuntarily cast into the role of the "racial spokesperson" for the company. This role can be isolating and exhausting, especially when it feels like leadership and colleagues don’t fully grasp the weight of the responsibility being placed upon you or that your presence means they can look to you for all the answers without taking accountability themselves.

How resentment can show up:

• Emotional withdrawal - You may begin to disengage from discussions about race, feeling like no matter how much you contribute, the burden will always fall back on you to fix the problem. This withdrawal can be a protective mechanism to avoid the emotional exhaustion that comes with being your company’s default "race representative."
• Silence or deflection - Instead of speaking up, you may choose to stay silent in meetings or deflect questions about race to resist the pressure always to be the one to lead the charge.
• Bitterness toward leadership – You may feel bitter toward leaders and self-appointed allies who speak about racial equity but don’t take ownership of facilitating real change. This bitterness may turn into a loss of trust or respect for leadership.

4. Frustration – it’s like groundhog day – explaining the same thing over and over again

Frustration can set in when you must explain the same issues repeatedly, often to people who either don’t fully understand, feign ignorance as an avoidance tactic or exhibit feelings of fragility (tears and drama) to stop the conversation or get you to ‘back off’.

How frustration can show up:

• Shortened patience in conversations – You might become less tolerant or more abrupt when approached about race, especially when the conversation is going in circles.
• Disengagement from ‘diversity’ initiatives - You may avoid DEI-related initiatives, feeling like they are performative, don’t address the real issues, or don’t lead to real progress.

5. Annoyance – juggling the expectation to over-perform with the emotional toll of racism (particularly when it's not acknowledged)

Annoyance is closely linked to the day-to-day realities of having to engage in conversation when you want to focus on your job. There is an added complexity of being Black in the workplace, in that you need to juggle the need to perform at a high level (mediocrity is not accepted as it is with other colleagues) while also managing the emotional and psychological toll of racism, whether it’s in overt forms or subtle instances of racial trauma (microaggressions as they are commonly referred to).

This annoyance stems from the fact that while non-Black/non-Global Majority colleagues can primarily focus on their tasks without having to think about race and racism, Black employees are often pulled into these discussions—whether voluntarily or through expectation. It’s frustrating to have to stop doing your actual job to explain, educate, or challenge racism, all while knowing that your non-Black peers can focus solely on their performance and career advancement without these added burdens.

This is the crux of the unfairness of racism, isn’t it – that those most impacted are expected to do the bulk of the work.

6. Hope – holding on to optimism that maybe this conversation is the one that sparks real change

Despite all the emotional labour, there’s often a thread of hope that the conversation will spark real change this time. “I’m going to give it one last go,” you might think to yourself, hoping that this time, your executive leadership team is finally paying attention and will act on the issues.

Ultimately, we continue to engage in the conversation, give feedback, and share our stories of trauma because we know that progress is possible despite the odds.

You feel a sense of cautious optimism when listening circles or feedback forums are organised, particularly when senior leaders commit the time and effort to attend.

It is gratifying to hear HR and DEI teams talk specifically about action addressing the root causes of exclusion rather than just applying a plaster to the symptoms.

Even better – when they talk about bringing in resources, support and additional expertise – it takes the pressure off and means you can contribute without having to be the sole person or one of a few people to fix it.

7. Exhaustion – when constant advocacy leads to burnout

But hope comes at a cost, and that cost is often exhaustion.

The time and energy it takes to advocate for change, push for action, and accountability to pick up the ‘slack’ for lack of action is draining. Being among the few Black employees expected to represent, explain, and challenge the status quo adds to this exhaustion – both physically and mentally.

How exhaustion can show up

Burnout - You may feel completely drained from carrying the dual burden of your regular job responsibilities and being the spokesperson for racial equity. You may find yourself more susceptible to illness, a lack of motivation and a desire to work remotely to avoid face-to-face time with leaders and colleagues.

Disengagement or withdrawal - The cumulative toll can lead to disengagement from DEI efforts and regular workplace tasks, as the emotional energy required becomes too much to sustain. At this point, you decide to look for another role in a different company, promising yourself that this time you will “do your job and go home”.

Lack of motivation - You may find your energy is depleted. You feel a distinct lack of motivation to do anything, or a desire to 'hide' and retreat from work, from people - even those you love. Even with a lot of sleep, you still feel tired and heavy.

Feeling emotional - If small things are setting you off or you feel like tears are always close to the surface, it could be a sign of exhaustion. I remember someone asking me a question - the usual 'how are you?' and for no reason I just burst into tears. I couldn't articulate why but it was just this feeling of I've had enough.

8. Guilt – prioritising your well-being without feeling like you’ve abandoned the cause

It’s not uncommon to feel a deep sense of guilt when you start prioritising your emotional well-being over engaging in every conversation about race or participating in every diversity initiative.

The pressure to represent, advocate, and push for change is enormous, and it can often feel like stepping back is somehow a betrayal to the cause - or to those who continue to show up and fight. Yet it’s crucial to recognise that preserving your emotional and mental health isn’t a sign of weakness, nor does it mean you’ve given up.

I know there are times when I feel guilty about saying no to requests, reinstating boundaries, or reducing personal access to me and my time. I recognise that my desire to say yes was often driven by obligation, fear that I would be perceived as not being committed, or that I was somehow ‘above it all’ and could afford to disengage when others struggle daily with these issues.

It's a difficult emotion to unravel, and it probably deserves an article in its own right. However, I remind myself that self-preservation is not selfishness, and in the same vein, protecting your peace doesn’t mean you’re abandoning the cause or the people who rely on your voice, strength, and passion.

You can choose when and how you engage without the weight of guilt determining your actions. Stepping back can be an act of self-care that ultimately allows you to re-engage when you are ready, stronger, and more focused. If you choose to, of course.

For employees, disengaging can be a powerful statement in itself - a signal that organisations, leaders and allies can’t continue to rely on the emotional labour of a few individuals. It forces the system to realise that the responsibility for change must be collective, not just on the shoulders of Black employees.

Guilt might still be present, but you’ll move past it. Prioritising our well-being means that when we engage, it’s from a place of strength, not exhaustion.

?? A final note - asking for help

If reading anything in this article has brought up emotions that you may be struggling with or where you feel they are harming your mental well-being and affecting your ability to function day to day, please ask for help.

Your employer does have a duty to care for you, and it is not unreasonable to ask for counselling support, for example, either via your HR teams (if there is someone within the team you trust) or by contacting the Employee Assistance Program (EAP) and specifically requesting counselling support for racial trauma.

If you feel your organisation is not supportive or their discomfort with your feelings is going to expose you to more trauma, find a colleague or a friend outside of your organisation to speak to.

?? Follow on newsletter articles

I mentioned earlier that this piece is an introduction to a series of articles I’ll be writing as part of the Protecting Your Peace series. This will give some advice that’s helped me and my team along the way, covering the following scenarios when you are:

1. An HR, DEI or ERG lead who is expected to lead anti-racism efforts within your company, yet you are also personally impacted
2. Navigating conversations as the ‘only’ or one of a few within your team or organisation
3. Part of a diverse team, but there is a hesitancy to discuss race, particularly from colleagues who are most impacted
4. A senior leader, non-executive or trustee where there is a tacit or implied responsibility for you to educate and comment on issues relating to race and racism
5. An external consultant who is expected to advise directly on this subject (because of your profession) or indirectly (just because you’re Black)
6. Worried about saying no to any requests to speak or contribute to discussions about race and racism

The prevailing narrative that Black people often assume a passive role in accepting systemic racism is dangerously reductive and just not true. This perspective overlooks the countless instances of resilience, activism, and resistance Black individuals, groups and communities have displayed throughout history.

From the Civil Rights Movement to present-day advocacy against racial injustice, Black people have continuously and tirelessly fought back against oppressive systems.

The following podcast episodes dropped over the past few weeks and so despite the heaviness of this article, I hope you feel inspired by the courage, bravery and tenacity of these guests. Their stories and advocacy serves as a testament to the transformative power of resilience and collective action.

Click on the images to take you directly to the podcast episodes, or alternatively you an find them on all good podcasting platforms such as Spotify , Audible or Apple

21. Confronting Racial Bias in the Justice System: Insights from Keir Monteith KC

Keir Monteith is an experienced defence barrister and part-time Crown Court judge, and in this episode he sheds light on the pervasive issue of racial bias within the justice system.

Drawing from his report co-authored with Professor Quinn, Keir reveals alarming instances of racial bias obtained through surveys and narratives from legal professionals. He emphasises the need for systemic changes beyond superficial diversity efforts, challenging the misconception that increased representation alone can solve racial bias issues.

Keir is also a staunch critic of the increasing reliance on music evidence, particularly rap or drill music, in criminal trials, advocating for a campaign against its introduction.

Ultimately, he calls upon legal professionals to actively challenge racism within the system and work towards an anti-racist approach in the pursuit of justice.

20. Taking the Legal Route: Tackling Anti-Black Racism Within the NHS with Michelle Cox

Michelle Cox a former North West senior nurse, won an employment tribunal against NHS England and Improvement (NHSE&I) after the judge heard evidence that her employer had treated her unfavourably because of her race and because she was willing to speak up.

Michelle has 30 years’ experience in the NHS and 26 years as a registered nurse and has a particular interest in health inequalities. As a Black nurse she has shone a light on issues affecting not just Black and other racially marginalised communities, in her hometown of Liverpool, but has led on a number of national programs to elevate understandings around equality, diversity and inclusion, ensuring that challenges are addressed and learning embedded throughout NHS organisations.

Michelle shares her journey from childhood dreams of nursing to confronting the harsh realities of institutional racism within the healthcare system. Michelle's experiences, highlight the persistent challenges faced by Black professionals in healthcare.

19. Taking the Legal Route: Speaking Out Against the US National Coast Guard

Dr. Kim McLear is a liberation activist and organiser. She is a former whistleblower and State of the Union guest of honour who exposed one of the largest cover-ups of racism in U.S. military history.

Dr McLear is a remarkable individual and through this conversation, she reflects on her upbringing and the unexpected path that led her to a career in the Coast Guard. She opens up about the challenges she faced within the Coast Guard Academy and her efforts to address these issues, which ultimately led to her testifying against them in 2019, in Capitol Hill

We discover how Dr McLear's unwavering determination propelled her forward in the face of extreme pushback and how, through a series of obstacles and setbacks, she remained steadfast in her pursuit of systemic change. She has become a source of inspiration to individuals both in and outside of the military.

Dr McLear shares valuable insights gained from her journey, offering guidance for those navigating similar challenges. Her story serves as a testament to the transformative power of resilience and collective action, that will leave listeners with a newfound sense of hope and determination.

18. Taking the Legal Route - Addressing Anti-Black Racism in Canada's Federal Public Service

Nicholas Marcus Thompson , Chief Executive Officer of Canada’s Black Class Action Secretariat, has been a leading advocate for the rights of Black Canadians.

His most notable achievement is organising the landmark $2.5 billion class action lawsuit against the federal Government of Canada, an ongoing significant step towards justice and equality.

Nicholas shares his journey of taking bold legal action against the Canadian government, challenging the status quo and demanding accountability for institutional racism. Black employees in Canada's Public Service face harsh realities that demand more than just acknowledgment of the harm they endure; there is an urgent need for accountability and this is a persistent theme that underpins the work of Black Class Action Secretariat.