Protect Yourself: Setting Boundaries, Part II

Attempting to control or change others is pointless. Your life is like a circle, and you are accountable for everything within it: your thoughts, actions, and choices. External events, like what someone says or does to you, are beyond your control. Nevertheless, how often do we waste our time and energy trying to control what goes on outside our circle? Avoid blaming others for what happens inside your circle and take responsibility for your well-being – for not eating healthily, lack of exercise, or not getting enough sleep. Stop blaming others because we feel guilty, ashamed, or unloved. The reality is that we CONTROL what happens inside our circle and we have NO CONTROL on what happens outside the circle. Setting the right boundaries in your daily life can keep you from being impacted by those things you cannot control. Here are three tips to get you started.

Remove Self-Neglect. Choosing to take care of your needs before the needs of others is often viewed as selfish. But, why? Who is supposed to prioritize you? Too often, we assume the person or thing we prioritized is going to give priority to us, and then blame them for our lack of self-worth when this does not happen. “Self-neglect is not a way to show how much you care for others,” says therapist Nedra Tawwab. Tell yourself you matter then allow your actions to follow these words.

Treasure Your Time. Nobody likes a “Yes” person. Except for the person using you. You are not and cannot be everything to everyone. This does not mean you have a deficiency. This does not mean you are not a “strong” person (whatever that means). Before answering a request, take a moment to remind yourself how many hours are in your day. Hint: We all get the same 24 hours. There is no requirement that all your waking hours should be consumed with tasks. Considering a request against the time you have in the day will permit you to say “no” to matters that do not serve you.

What “I” Need Matters. When explaining your boundaries to others, use “I” statements so they understand this is about you and what you need. No one else matters when setting boundaries for what you need. A boundary can be whatever you need it to be – not having certain conversations around you, the places you are willing to go and what you choose to do when you get there, or making it clear how others should communicate with you.

Without boundaries, we cannot take ownership or pride in what is ours.? What if there were no property lines or established social behavior?? Life would be chaos. Not everyone will respect your boundaries. Anyone who consistently attempts to cross your boundaries may be toxic, which should prompt a reassessment of their role in your life. Relationships require mutual respect. Those who honor this will adapt while others may fade, creating space for healthier connections. Clarity in our boundaries provides clear guidelines for who takes responsibility for what.? Any confusion about responsibility or ownership is a boundary violation.? Once we have identified what we are personally responsible for, then we can focus our energy and skills on that and let go of that which is not ours.?

The Transform Tuesdays newsletter was created to help professionals navigate the world of corporate America by overcoming the hurdles hindering them from growing to the next level in their careers, including knowing their value, using their voice, and being authentic to themselves.

During her 15 years as a corporate accountant in PE-backed and privately-held organizations, Sherrika Sanders progressed through various roles from Senior Biller to Corporate Controller. She worked to develop consolidated business processes, post-acquisition financial integration, and Fresh Start Accounting upon emergence from Chapter 11, within seven months of initial filing, and successfully managed teams of various sizes within the US, Canada, and Latin America. While her years as an accountant provided much growth, it was during this time that Sherrika learned to be seen and not heard.? She was constantly reminded to be proud of being the only one in the room who looked like her (especially with her non-traditional education).? Sherrika felt her voice was taken.? After years of no work-life balance, taking work vacations based on the company's schedule, and being expected to always be available for the needs of the company, Sherrika decided enough was enough and started the transition to find and use her voice.? Sherrika ultimately resigned from her role as Corporate Controller to take a leap of faith and start her own company, Transform the GAAP (Goals Assigned Achieving Purpose), where she specializes in helping professionals understand and overcome obstacles currently hindering them from excelling in their careers. Sherrika's passion is to equip professionals with the skills necessary to thrive in any setting. If you are seeking one-on-one or group coaching, click on the following link for a complimentary consultation to learn how you can work with Sherrika to Transform the GAAP together. Sherrika believes in a judgment-free zone where all are contributors working towards a common goal. Visit https://www.transformthegaap.com/ to learn more.