Protect Those Who Cannot Protect Themselves

How do you show up for people who are not able to stand up for themselves? I bet you have more opportunities than you realize - and if you don't, who will?

Last night a group of us went for a late dinner at a local diner-style restaurant. I won't share which one on this platform... it's not necessarily relevant. AND this kind of situation happens everywhere.

It was not particularly crowded... 5-6 tables seated, maybe, a delivery pick-up driver waiting, so I was hopeful... but things went south pretty fast. Our server was clearly flustered from the moment she walked up. Polite, kind, but flustered, and you know, I like to try to help people feel seen and appreciated, so we worked extra hard to set her at ease. Our group was a little indecisive, so she had to come back a few times to get the full order. Transparent disclosure, she wasn't on the top of her game - but something was definitely off. That something? The manager.

At no point should ANYONE be treated the way he was treating his team. We heard him screaming at people in the back of the house ... and it's a DINER. It's not like you have an air-tight kitchen, and you're not Gordon Ramsay and frankly, he's an asshole anyway. We all knew it was happening, and when our server reappeared, she was in tears. I won't bore you with the details of our whole awful experience - suffice it to say we watched workplace bullying and abuse happen in front of our eyes and ears, and we saw the immediate impact. And you know what? That's just not acceptable. Not to me as a human, not to this group of friends who have a shared set of values AND some pretty extensive experience in the food industry to validate that there were warning flags ALL over this situation.

So, I made it an absolute point to do a couple of things. I spoke with the server privately, letting her know that we did not hold HER at fault, and that what he was doing was unacceptable. I spoke with the manager directly, and after he tried to make excuses by saying to me, "She always cries!" informed him that not only was it insanely unprofessional for him to share private personnel issues with me, that the whole restaurant had heard him yelling at his staff, and that his behaviour was abusive, unprofessional, and frankly disgusting.

I asked for HIS manager's name and contact info and he told me the name was on the sign on the outside of the building, and he didn't have a card or contact info. I politely but firmly informed him that he owed OUR server and his entire staff an apology, and that as half our party had not been served their food at this point, we were not going to pay for that portion of the tab, NOR was he going to short the server for that adjustment, and that I would be contacting both local and corporate leadership to let them know they needed to do some immediate investigations into workplace violence.

True to my word, this morning I called back, and upon speaking to the local leader (the guy who's "name is on the sign") was informed that he has spoken to both the manager and the server, they have a "process", it's being dealt with, and the server isn't being "punished." However, his attitude was exceptionally cavalier. I got a bad vibe... so up the chain I went. I can smell a lack of authenticity a mile away.

Kudos to corporate for at least the way THEY handled it. They took a report, they seemed genuinely concerned, they are going to reach out to local and regional leadership and get a plan in place.?I also asked specifically that somebody reach out to that server because she needs to be supported and, as I said to them, the liability is HIGH on this one. I'll probably never know what happens as a result, but I tried, and I'm hoping they took it seriously.

Y'all... we HAVE to speak up with we see stuff like this. That server had NO POWER in that situation, and that's exactly why that manager has gotten to the place he's at, where he thinks that abusing the staff is an acceptable leadership modality. And while I'm sure it's lovely that (so we're told) she's not getting fired or written up THIS TIME... she still has to go to work in that awful place.... because we all know it's not going to change overnight. Or possibly... ever.

If you know me, you know I focus on the good stuff as much as humanly possible. I LOOK for ways to celebrate the good. Sometimes, though, you have to rise up and protect those who can't protect themselves. I hope you all feel empowered to be that ally when the opportunities arise. Nobody else in that restaurant was willing to get involved. I don't know why. I hope, however, that they will think a little harder about making a different choice next time. And I hope that given the option, you'll advocate for those who can't advocate for themselves. That's our human superpower. Let's use it for good.