Protagonist vs Secondary Character in the Book We Call "Our Life"

Protagonist vs Secondary Character in the Book We Call "Our Life"

In the unwritten novel of our existence, where each day pens a new page, the distinction between being the protagonist or a secondary character in our own story can be profound. This thought was illuminated in a conversation I had with my new mentee, a bright 22-year-old with an insight that belies her age. Her declaration was striking: "I want to be the protagonist in my life, not a secondary character." Such clarity and determination! Her words were like a thunderclap, resonating with the power and depth of a timeless truth.

Why did this statement reverberate with such power? It emerged from a discussion about an unusual piece of advice I offered as her mentor: the permission to be 'selfish', especially as she stands on the precipice of graduating college and stepping into the wider world

Her puzzled look was expected, given the weight society places on selflessness. But here's the catch: Why is being selfish seen as inherently negative? Society's portrayal of selfishness often lacks nuance. But let's reframe the concept. What does selfishness truly mean? How can we transform it into a positive force?

Consider this: Being selfish in prioritizing your health – physical, mental, and spiritual – is essential. If we're not at our strongest, how can we support others? We must be our best selves to effectively give to those around us. This is not selfishness; it's an investment in your capability to be more for others. It's a model of 'good selfishness' we should all aspire to emulate.

Further, be selfish with your time. Your daily calendar should be a sacred space, reserved for activities and people who uplift you, who contribute to your growth. This isn't about exclusion; it's about making intentional choices. Who do you allow into your time? Are they elevating you, or are they mentors in their own right? This might mean setting boundaries, even with those close to you.

What about the controversial idea of keeping certain family members and close friends at a distance? Yes, even they don't always need to be in your immediate circle. Love them, spend time with them, but be judicious about their influence on your life. Shielding yourself from negative impacts isn't just selfish; it's self-care.

So, what are other facets of this redefined selfishness? It's about knowing when to say no, when to prioritize your needs, and when to step back for your well-being. It's about understanding that putting yourself first is not an act of neglect towards others, but a strategic move to ensure you're in the best position to help.

Returning to my mentee's journey, I emphasized that her initial career steps should be about absorbing knowledge, not necessarily making a noticeable impact. "In your first job, be a sponge," I said. "Focus on learning, not on trying to make an immediate impact." Often, by simply being present, engaged, and committed to personal growth, we inadvertently create a significant impact.

To my mentee, and to all of you embarking on your own life's journey: Dare to be selfish in the ways that matter. By being the protagonist of your own life, you're not diminishing others; you're preparing yourself to play a more meaningful role in the grand narrative of life.

It is in these acts of 'good selfishness' that we truly find the capacity to give back to the world in ways we never imagined.

Go be selfish – for in this, lies the path to true selflessness.

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