The Pros and Cons of Owning a Black Dog

The Pros and Cons of Owning a Black Dog????by Karen Sprague

?People often make fun of the reflective orange jogging vest I wear when my husband and I go for walks at night. Sure, I look like a school crossing guard or a wayward ?hunter ?(but I hope not like an orange barrel). I look my critics in the eye and ask “Have you ever walked a black dog in the dark?” It’s like screaming “Hit me! Hit me!” to the oncoming cars, especially when your dog insists on pulling wildly in all directions like some furry robot gone out of control. So I wear the reflective vest; and, as I reflect, I realize that there are definite pros and cons to owning a black dog.

?Pro: Fleas don’t show, unless they actually hop. On a good day, this can be passed off as “active shedding.”

?Pro: People can be intimidated, even frightened, by black dogs, and this can be useful in a potentially dangerous situation. There is no actual logic in this; people for some reason are just more wary of black dogs. Our black dog, Willy, (who possesses the fierceness of a baby duck) has been known to terrorize entire families in the park near our home. “Does he bite?” the parents cry out anxiously, shielding their children, as Willy eagerly attempts to lick their shoes.

?Con: The partly-to-severely-sneaky black dog is fully aware that he is invisible at night; a distinct disadvantage to owners lacking infra-red goggles. As you scream out his name in the backyard until you become hoarse, your black dog dances merrily in the shadows, savoring each and every fascinating smell he can find in the grass.

?Pro: On the flip side of the visibility issue, the black dog panting at night outside your sliding glass door can be quite amusing. The silly sight of a floating pink tongue, apparently suspended in black space, can make you momentarily forget about the fresh trail of decorative muddy paw prints winding through your home.

?Pro: Most foods that you might spill on a black dog don’t really show very much. A quick rub of your pet’s fur and no one is the wiser. This rule did not apply, unfortunately, the day my husband (“No table scraps for the dog!”) discovered a white cascade of entangled spaghetti garnishing our black dog’s fur.

?Con: Any light-colored carpeting or clothing will soon be clumped with mounds of black hair from your four-legged Shedding Machine. Your furniture, regardless of its original style and composition, will become real FURniture, displaying a dark, splotchy and very fuzzy quality. Extra black keys appear on your piano, interior doors and drawers don’t close completely, and the trophy fish hanging over your fireplace needs a shave. Also, when baking for others (your family will be used to extra fibers), keep the dog a minimum of 75 yards from the oven to prevent such taste treats as Blueberry-Black-Dog-Hair Muffins.

?Pro: For Halloween parties, the average black dog can be transformed with artful white spots into a miniature Holstein to complement your Farmer Brown costume. It’s a very Western Kansas kind of look: sure to be a hit with your flat-lander friends, and all you need to wear is your best Saturday night bib overalls and maybe a straw hat (and don’t forget a cowbell for the pup.)

?Pro: Black dogs are bountiful, which can come in handy when someone on your block has a canine complaint. When some suspicious neighbor first starts in with “I saw a black dog that looked just like yours digging up my flower bed” or “Your black dog ate my daughter’s ferret” paste an incredulous look on your face. When they finish their tirade, calmly wave your arms to encompass a 3-county area brimming with black dogs. If the alleged crime took place between sunset and sunrise, point out that no jury in the world could determine beyond a shadow of a doubt, WHAT a black dog might have done under the cover of darkness.

?Pro: A strategically placed black dog in a family photo can hide a world of “holiday thighs.” Your ebony pet will provide a slenderizing effect, and with him in the picture, attention will be drawn to his infinite cuteness and away from the evidence of how much pumpkin pie (with mountains of whipped cream) you’ve packed away this season.

?So all in all, the pros seem to outweigh the cons when it comes to black dogs. Sure, they can dislocate your neck when they pull you around the block, but hey, they’re great with the kids. You might, on occasion, find half of an unidentifiable forest animal on your coffee table, but just think how much closer to home your dog stays now that you bought that $900 “invisible fence.”

?There will be bright days and there will be dark days, but usually, it’s a walk in the park.

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?Karen Sprague is a dog person and a cat person. She currently serves as a cat socializer for Animal Humane New Mexico.