The Prophecy Against Emperor Orange

And it came to pass in the final days of Emperor Orange’s third term, he sat upon his golden throne in Fruitcake-a-Lago, clothed in fine raiment, surrounded by his prophets, who cried out in one voice, saying:

“You are the greatest ruler the world has ever known! If you seek to return to power, the people shall surely rise up and grant you a fourth term! For the Lord is with you, and none shall stand against you!”

And Emperor Orange, though pleased, turned to one side and said,

“Is there not yet one other who might prophesy? For though these voices are loyal, my enemies still rage against me.”

Indeed, 90% of those in the orchard lived paycheck to paycheck, and there were many rebellions in those days,. Emperor Orange's prophets only spoke pleasing things to their Lord.

Then his chief counselor, weary from many battles in the court of public opinion, replied,

“There is yet one, but he never speaks good concerning you, only evil.”

And Emperor Orange said,

“Summon him, that I may hear him myself.”

And so the prophet was brought before the Emperor.

And the Emperor said unto him,

“Shall I run again for my fourth term, or shall I not?”

And the prophet, smirking, answered,

“Run, O Emperor, Chosen of the Orchard, and you shall surely be victorious! For have you not already proven yourself the greatest ruler in history? Have you not brought peace and prosperity to all the land? Have you not governed with wisdom beyond measure? Surely the people shall rejoice and anoint you again.”

But Emperor Orange scowled and said,

“How many times must I command you to speak only the truth and not mock me?”

Then the prophet sighed and said,

“Very well, hear now the word of the Lord: I saw The Beautiful Orchard and its oranges scattered upon the hills like sheep without a shepherd, for their leader had abandoned them. I saw a great plague come upon the land, and rather than healing the Orchard, the ruler declared it a hoax. I saw tender children torn from their mothers, lost in the depths of bureaucracy. I saw the the Orchard cry for justice, but they were met with a VitaMix and consumed. I saw the rich rejoice and the poor weep, for the wealth of the land was given to those who had much, and those who had little were cast aside.

“I saw the the Orchards alliances crumble, its enemies emboldened, and the halls of justice defiled by lies. I saw the angry oranges storm the gates of the temple, seeking to overturn the very laws they once revered, crying out your name as their Messiah and Savior. And behold, the throne was taken from you, and you wandered the land, lamenting that it was stolen, as you did in the days before.”

Then Emperor Orange turned to his counselors and said,

“Did I not tell you? He never prophesies good concerning me, only disaster!”

And the prophet continued, saying:

“O Emperor, there is a spirit that has gone forth in the mouths of your prophets, a lying spirit, telling you only what you wish to hear. But if you listen to them and go up to war, you shall surely fall, and your reign shall end, and it shall be said, ‘Truly, the great delusion has ended.’”

But Emperor Orange, enraged, turned to his guards and said,

“Seize this man and cast him into the dungeon! Let him eat the bread of affliction and drink the water of bitterness until I return in triumph.”

And the prophet, as he was led away, called out,

“If you return to power, then the Lord has not spoken by me. But mark my words—when the people remember, they shall say, ‘Truly, we were deceived.’”

And so it was written, and so it came to pass.

...

1 Kings 22, King James Version, God Bless the U.S.A. Bible

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