Proper Selfishness- How Dry Socks and Trimmed Toenails Make Your Team Stronger

TL:DR- Taking care of your own needs isn't just helpful during difficult situations or marathon projects, it's essential to your team's success.

I have a mentor and friend whose advice always seems to stick with me more effectively than nuggets of wisdom from other sources. Perhaps it's his posh English accent, maybe his sharp wit, or maybe he just knows exactly the message I have needed during tough times. No matter the reason, George Griffin has shared life lessons with me that I find myself applying and sharing frequently. Without question, the one principal I learned at his feet that comes up most often is that of "Proper Selfishness."

Selfish behavior is almost universally frowned upon, often maligned, and a near insult in most situations. However, there is a time and place to take care of your needs before those of others. Understanding when and where to do so is critical to the success of high performing teams. This concept of "Proper Selfishness" refers to times when taking care of yourself is more than just advisable, it is essential to the overall success of a large project or marathon set of tasks.

The concept was introduced to my mentor, George, by the Royal Marines as guidance during long forced marches or extended combat engagements. In these cases, the properly selfish thing to do is remember to change your socks, trim your toenails, and tend to any blisters or minor wounds you may have. Of course any Marine, Royal or US, can push through inconveniences like wet socks and blisters… for a time. Left untended however, any Marine can be taken out of action by debilitating infections, injuries, or pain caused by these seemingly minor inconveniences. Applying Proper Selfishness and tending to the upkeep of your well being not only ensure you can stay in the fight long term, it also prevents you from becoming a burden to your unit should infection, injuries, or immobilizing pain make you become a casualty instead of an asset.

In the world of cybersecurity, the care and feeding of one's feet is less impactful in most cases, but the principle remains. Notably, leaders and executives in the cybersecurity space are especially prone to forgetting Proper Selfishness to the detriment of their team and the larger organization they serve.?

Once upon a time, as a Captain at Marine Corps Recruiting command, I was the National Head of Cybersecurity (the title was different, job the same). Along with two other communications officers, we were charged with the security, upkeep, and development of a huge commercial/tactical hybrid network serving recruiters across the US and its territories. One fateful Friday afternoon, we experienced what appeared to be a minor network issue that later became a system-wide, multi-day outage during the crucial end of the month recruiting push. The civilian workforce we employed dug in and started the process of triage and mitigation, and we had a portion of the civilian team go home to rest and re-fit should the outage continue overnight. Unfortunately we didn't heed our own advice and the three of us stayed awake and on task without accounting for our own rest and refit. Of course, 24 hours later and 36 hours into the crisis, we both crashed at about the same time and left our team without uniformed leadership.?

To be clear, the civilians continued to work diligently and ultimately brought services back online and the other Captains and I returned to our posts after some much needed rest. However, during a very critical point in the incident response process, we weren't around to offer advice, provision resources, and provide executive reporting (aka air cover) so the technical team could work uninterrupted. We failed to properly care for our own needs and became ineffective as a result. Had we even minimally followed our own advice, we could have provided uninterrupted assistance to further enhance our team's effort.

Another often overlooked benefit of taking care of your needs as preventative maintenance is the example it sets for your team, your peers, and often your own leadership. I have written about how difficult setting the example can be because, as a leader, your actions speak far louder than your words. In terms of Proper Selfishness, your own selfishness will give permission to your own subordinate leaders who will do the same and demand the same of their teams.?

There is no hard and fast rule or specific set of guidelines for how and when to apply Proper Selfishness. However, understanding that you aren't invincible and pausing to eat, drink water, grab rest as able, and letting your team see you do these things will help everyone do their best work no matter the circumstance.?

Epilogue:

Over the years since George originally shared this principle with me, I have passed it on frequently. There is a large group of people, close friends and passing acquaintances alike, who in some way or another came to my attention as they grappled with personal tragedy, health scares, and career upheaval. Some I knew well, others barely knew who I was. Invariably I share a version of the same message. Whether it be a cancer diagnosis, the severe injury or death of a loved one, or a personal crisis, I have reached out to so many and shared this message: You are going through something that is difficult, often you are expected to be the rock and superhero everyone else relies on. Make sure to drink water, eat healthy, and rest as able. It will help you be more present for longer so you can be the rock and superhero. It will also signal to those around you they too should be taking care of themselves.?

If you are one of these people, I hope you took the advice and I hope it helped. I also sincerely hope you pass the advice along.