A Promotion Is Worthless Without These Four Things

I am a proponent for women in leadership owning their value, but more money, a bigger title, and a promotion are useless if you don’t have Peace – Presence – Patience – and Purpose.

We give up a lot in the pursuit of success and high achieving women wear blinders and we only see what’s next. The next position, next raise, next car, next house, next vacation, etc. We are rarely satisfied with where we are and what we have, and since we are so focused on what’s next, we never really feel successful and usually work ourselves into oblivion.

The feelings of not having enough stem from not FEELING like we are enough and we give up our most valuable assets in the pursuit of success. It took me burning out and giving up nearly everything I owned for four years to learn these lessons and regain what mattered most.

Peace

I worked nearly 80 hours a week and gave up my inner peace in a normalized hostile male-dominated work environment. I loved my job but didn’t enjoy all the challenges that came with being a represented demographic of (point) .1 percent.

Also, as emergency responders to hazardous maritime incidents, there was always something going on. With each promotion came additional responsibility. 

Couple the increased workload with personnel issues, never-ending meetings, small and large fires that had to be put out, and add negative coworkers and cray cray bosses to that - it was a nightmare.

Most surprising to me was when I FINALLY earned my seat at the table, I thought the experience would be triumphant and I could dance like Rocky Balboa when he reached the top of the stairs in Philadelphia.

Let's be clear, the battle had just begun and Nightmare on Elm Street started every morning at 8am.

I did not anticipate having to defend that seat every single day as the only person of color in the room and the only woman in senior leadership. I found it more exhausting defending the seat than I did working endlessly for 12 years to obtain it.

At night, I dreamed that I was at work, so it was a continuous cycle of significant achievements, personnel wins, battles, fires, stress, exhaustion, and celebration. The high highs and low lows of leadership.  

If you find yourself as the “only one” at your table, I recommend building relationships with women who look like you in your industry and community. They will serve as sounding boards for your challenges and won’t make you feel like you’re in your head.

All my mentors were men and although I greatly appreciate them and value their input, they could not prepare me for what it was like to be a woman of color in the room. Build relationships that you can lean on and lean into so you can maintain your peace in a position you fought for and won.

Presence

Leadership is challenging and sometimes we have our work self and our home self. The problem is we think we do a good job of distinguishing the two, but we don’t. We are one with our crazy and stressed-out selves. We think people can’t tell the difference, but that’s simply not true.

When I went home for the holidays, I was not present with my family. Mainly because I was disconnected from myself and had taken on the persona of my position. Leader – Bossy – Perfectionist – Extremely High Expectation’ist. ??

Even though I was in their presence, I was not present because I was either too stressed out to enjoy myself or was thinking about how the office was falling apart without me and all the work that was piling up awaiting my return.

I lost the ability to have deep connections with my large family, so our relationships were strained, and this exacerbated the loneliness I felt as a leader.

This is a challenge that many married women and/or those with children have. It’s so hard to focus and be present and they just go through their daily routines dazed and barely making it to the next vacation.

What's the point of getting all the money and the highest position in the world and becoming CEO to arrive at your final destination alone and crazy? This is no way to live.

Patience

I like to think that I have the patience of Mother Teresa, but anyone who knows me thinks differently. Let’s say that I may not be where I want to be, but I’m a lot better than I used to be.

Being stressed out and a perfectionist is a diabolical combination. I was not patient with most people, namely myself, but also people at the grocery store and especially people at the airport.

I have almost been tased several times during the early days of TSA because I would cut up in the line. Getting to the airport late and trying to rush the line didn’t work in my favor – ever.

With A LOT of personal development over the past eight years, meditation, hypnotherapy, yoga, massages, and choosing to be a better version of myself, I finally learned what Eckart Tolle meant when he said,

Life is not as serious as my mind makes it out to be.

What's the point of getting a bigger title if you lose the ability to be patient with your personnel, family, and the general population? Choose to invest time and energy into showing up differently so you can be the reputable leader that people expect.

Purpose

I was successful but unfulfilled. Talking to hundreds of highly successful women around the world, I learned that I wasn’t the only one with this shameful secret. When you have what most people want, how dare you complain about it?

How dare you confess to being unhappy with the career you worked so hard to create. Making a name for yourself in your industry. Being featured in magazines and having more awards to hang on your wall than priceless paintings at the Louvre.

No one wants to hear that the woman who “has it all” is unfulfilled - waah. But your feelings are VALID and suffering silently in your secret misery slowly corrodes your soul. This starts to manifest in physical ailments like autoimmune diseases, migraines, high blood pressure, arthritis, etc.

You have to do something different to get a different result. That may be you showing up differently in your job, starting a side business to work yourself out of a job or seeking other opportunities where you feel valued, and not just tolerated.

What I loved the most about my job was mentoring other leaders. I held monthly onsite training sessions and leadership book club lunches for the young leaders in the office.

I also mentored 70 junior leaders outside my office and hosted monthly training sessions with them and was available to them during non-office hours. While I DO NOT recommend this, as it contributed to my burnout, this was 10% of my job, but it’s what I loved most.

It’s no surprise to anyone who knows me that I’m an executive leadership coach and trainer post-career. I do 100% of what I love daily and make an impact in the lives of leaders around the world and not be limited to an organization.

If you are unfulfilled, what parts of your job do you really love that you can monetize? What advice do people ask you for and what do you spend most of your time doing for free?

You are giving away your greatest gifts for free, but when you learn how to monetize your gifts, you will never work another day in your life.

I wish this for you and it’s what you deserve.

As you strive for the next level, consider taking inventory on your Peace – Patience – Presence – and Purpose and ask yourself, “Is this really what I want?” Your life will never be the same for the best.

Christy Rutherford is a Harvard Business School Alumna, certified Executive Leadership Coach from Georgetown, keynote speaker, and 6-time best-selling author.