Progress towards true equality in a diversified world

I am a woman, working in corporate for decades. As a former “good girl”, I thought it was important for me to fit in and make sure that I followed all the rules. And then a few years ago, my manager at the time, told me that I had a lot of potential to succeed in corporate but that I needed to choose whether I wanted to be a good mother or if I wanted to see my potential through and grow my career. She went on to tell me that I should get my husband to take on more responsibility for my child and that I should dedicate more time at work – I was already working more than 15 hours a day.

To say that I was fuming was an understatement. When I got over my anger, I realised that this manager (a woman, not that it really matters) thought that she was giving me good advice. She had no concept of who I was, why I worked as hard as I did, and she didn’t realise that what she was telling me was the exact opposite of what I wanted to hear. I had been playing the good girl for so long, that my manager had no clue who I was… when I look back now, I feel really, really sad.

And still, she had no right to have that conversation with me. No one has the right to have that conversation with an employee. But the thing that kept worrying me was why I had to choose – why could I either be a good mum or a successful career woman, but not both? Was there something wrong with me, or was there something wrong with the system that required me to choose?

In the years that followed this, I have been digging deep into these questions and I must confess, it has not been an easy road to travel, and I am still on the journey. On the way, I had to dive deep into my own life – my blocks, my need to fit in all the time, so many of my issues. I became a life coach; I focused on women and then I focused on both men and women in corporate specifically looking at unlocking potential of employees. I have become an advocate for the empowerment of women, and I truly believe that when women rise, we empower nations to rise.

I am delighted that the Alexforbes Women in Business forum have chosen #Rise as their word for 2024. Women rising together can move mountains and when men rise in support of us at the same time, we can change the world! This is why I was so honoured to be chosen to be a panelist at the very first roundtable discussion that the WIB forum hosted on 24 May.? May is a very special month for me, not only because it is my birthday, but also because it is mental health awareness month and mental health is something that is very close to my heart.

Lerato Solomon was the keynote speaker at the event, and she is so generous with her story about mental health and her journey that she moved every single person in attendance to tears. I sat in awe of her, thinking how incredibly brave and powerful she is. If you do not know Lerato’s story, connect with her and read her inspiring story.

I must confess, I thought it was very brave to host a roundtable discussion about coping with physical and mental disabilities and mental barriers facing women. I thought that people would not find it relatable and that too many people would dismiss the topic as a tick box exercise – something we needed to do. I was pleasantly surprised to see how well supported it was – and even more delighted that there were men who want to be part of the conversation and part of the change.

It would probably take ages for me to describe the many insights, nuances, discoveries and connection points that came up during the session. Instead, I want to share with you what my key takeaways are from the discussion – as a corporate coach, as a senior leader, as a mother to a 12-year-old daughter.

1.? Awareness of the issue is critical to drive change

People may think that a conversation is not enough to drive change. However, a conversation can bring awareness and awareness is the spotlight that we need to show us what is not working.

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As a coach, I start all my coaching programs with an understanding of awareness. Many of us live life on autopilot, with a complete lack of awareness of what we are doing or why we are doing it, never mind the impact of what is happening around us.

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These kinds of round table discussions and conversations we are having bring awareness. But awareness alone is not enough. It is important to bring the awareness and we then need to do something about the things that are not working. Awareness must be followed up with inspired action.

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2. The system is no longer fit for purpose

The system in which we work, was created for an age long gone, when the people who went to work were very similar and could be relied on to have similar needs, behave in a similar way, and have similar career aspirations.

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Over time, the workforce has evolved but the system has not. That is why we need separate initiatives like BBBEE (in South Africa) and Diversity, Equity and Inclusion forums to make sure that we are focusing on including all the people who are now part of the workforce. And yet we are not looking at the system in which this all operates and saying well perhaps that is the thing that needs to change – the system that is patriarchal and not set up to allow for the success of everyone who is part of the workforce.

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Yes, there are outlier companies that are exceptions, either because they already operate differently or because they recognise that in order to create space for different voices and minds, they need to change. Still, there are far too many for whom that realisation has not yet hit.? More change is needed.

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3. Everyone is going through something

There is a clichéd saying about being kind to everyone because everyone is going through something that you probably don’t know about. It may be a cliché, but it has never been more relevant than in this current time.

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There are an endless number of physical illnesses and disabilities that are not noticeable or visible, and there are people living with conditions that we know nothing about. One of the panelists shared her story of blindness in one eye and reduced eyesight in the other and I think she took most of the audience by surprise. Her courage to share her condition and her experience working in a corporate was inspiring and raised the need for enhanced awareness and compassion.

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Then there is the wide array of mental illnesses that are affecting people today. Many of us are ashamed to admit it and too afraid to get help for it. And yet, this rise of dependency on technology and reduced time in connection with ourselves, our loved ones, in nature, has a direct impact on our mental state. Mental illness is the second highest reasons for disability claims globally.

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4. We are missing a sense of community

Humans have been living in community for thousands of years. We are built to lean on each other, share our problems and solve them together, celebrate our successes together, raise our children together and grow old together. However, in society today, we are more individual focused than community oriented.

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When I was a child, I would be able to walk into most of my neighbours’ homes and they would feed me, scold me, make me do my homework, tend to my cuts and give me hugs. Those communities are so rare now. We tend to live far away from our families and our childhood homes in search of better lives. We live isolated lives and wonder why we feel lonely and unfulfilled.

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Community is still possible in our current society, but we must be willing to let go of the story that we need to do it all on our own. We need to be vulnerable and once we start to connect and share, the power of community will be easily seen.

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5. There is a call for more empathy, compassion and humanness in the workplace

There was a consistent appeal for showing up and seeing our colleagues as more human. People want to be seen as more than a faceless resource – they want to be seen and interacted with as a person – a human being. I worry about the fact that this needs to be said and yet it is clearly an important statement – there are places where people do not feel seen.

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This has to change, and, in my opinion, women are best placed to lead this change. We are already driving much needed change for equality in corporate spaces, in society at large. We are fighting to show up as women and to be treated equally and at the same time acknowledge that we are different. We understand the power of vulnerability, the power of softness, the power of flow. We know that it is not about us all being the same but rather about the differences and uniqueness of us all that we are able to be stronger.

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As I see it, there are 2 things that need to shift – women need to step into our power as women (and not think that we need to show up as men) and we, as a society, need to learn how to navigate the tough engagements required to embrace all the differences around the table so that we can be truly diverse. As a proud South African who still has faith in the rainbow nation, I believe that we understand this already – we understand Ubuntu and we can make this possibility a reality.

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I invite you to deepen your awareness and see if these topics are showing up in your world. If they are, check back in over the next few weeks as I dive deeper into each of these topics.