Progress takes time

There are many ways we measure progress.? Are we completing more things on our todo list than we are adding? We finally took that trip! Time remaining to get somewhere.? Time in general.? Specific landmark events.

These are all external measurements of progress.? I would like to challenge our thinking of progress to not only include the things external to us, but the things internal to us.? The respect we have for ourselves.? How much we love ourselves.? How our celebration of who we are has changed.

For me, I can sit down and write our the progress of my career easily. I could write a reasonably good progression of my relationships. I could do the same with my educational activities, and even the publishing I have done over the last 30+ years.

The one thing I can't really do is write down my own progress towards how I feel about me until the last 3-4 years.? The self-care I have undertaken.? I don't think I am unique when I casually survey work colleagues, and social acquaintances and friends.? After all, I firmly believe everyone is in need of therapy for one reason or another.? Maybe only for a short time, but, therapy nonetheless.

Why can't I look back at my own progress towards my inner being as I can with my career? Shouldn't I bring happiness to me?? I should be able to see my value, my worth, why I am important and walking around on this rock.? Again, I think many of us have the same challenges.? We manifest those inner things through measurably outward emotions and actions.

It isn't all doom and gloom.? I have had much of that too.? Not directed at me for the most part, but existing in me.? And anyone who has ever battled depression, especially a long standing depression knows, it is so deep inside you can't hide from it even when you bury yourself in the middle of the bed under all of the blankets.

Document!

I can reasonably document my progress to me.? I say reasonably, because there are still chunks of time missing.? Not missing because I somehow skipped over those years (and still aged anyway, what the heck) but because I didn't write them down.? I started journaling in 2019.? I have days where my journal entries are 1 paragraph; even 1 sentence.? ? Many days have a picture of something.? Some days are video, some audio. And over time I started to see progress in my journal.? But not the progress you might think associated with daily self-reflection.

I saw I only wrote about the bad.? The negative.? Not just about the events around me and happening to me, but the events within me.? When things were ok; I was feeling "not bad", I didn't write anything in my journal.? I didn't miraculously improve for a day, a week, a month.? I don't know for sure why those vacancies exist.

But when I started writing about the good things as well, and realizing that my introspection was helping me see something from a different perspective, my views started to change.? Now, let's call out that some major events happened for me which greatly affected my journey of self-love, self-respect.

I learned that by writing it down, or having a verbal -- yes verbal -- dialogue with myself in front of the mirror helped me discuss something I was maybe unsure about and talk about it.? And hear the words.? And realize how "nuts" some of them sounded.? I learned I could trust myself.? ? Yes, me, myself and I regularly have a three way conversation, as least on paper, which can be interesting when I want to debate a point and I think I understand.? None of those characters has a lead on any other in terms of who wins the debate. (And sometimes there is a clear winner. I think if I was keeping track it might be me in the lead.)

It is also my opinion that having the inner space in a good place with regard to the person living in it makes it easier for us to be emotionally vulnerable with our close friends, and even socially or at work when it makes sense to do so.? It gives us the power to be more empathetic and reach into our life experiences to understand either how we felt during a similar time, or how we might feel if it happened to us.

If I could send a letter to myself 25 years ago, I would say this:

It sounds selfish, but focus on you.? Look at what brings you happiness and where your sadness and depression comes from.? Instead of asking what can I do to make someone else happy, understand you can't make someone happy.? Make yourself happy.? Love yourself.? Respect yourself and stop denigrating yourself.? Be proud of the person you are.? Have faith and trust yourself.? Yo hare right more than you think, or feel.? Recognize you are an emotional being and stop hiding it.? It will eat you up.? And most importantly, do and be who you are and not someone else's version of who you are.? And write it all down.? Every day, write about your day.? Write about the things that deeply affect you, good and bad.? And reflect on how you are better today than yesterday.? Growth is slow.? Be patient, kind and gracious with everyone.? Especially you.

So, be patient. You are a work in progress. Look for and celebrate both the good and the bad. The bad helps us learn, adapt, change and be better. The good is the reward for all of the things we do right.