Professional Discourse... Where Have All the Manners Gone?

Recently a very intelligent and articulate gentleman who frequently posts thoughts, ideas and thinking points on LinkedIn was textually assaulted by another LinkedIn 2nd or 3rd related connection. The diatribe was shocking and at best should have been done through a personal conversation.

Unfortunately, while the response was handled quite professionally by the gentleman I believe the initial rant was simply unprofessional and frankly rude. Accordingly it drew a significant amount of negative response from other connections and some supporting the diatribe.

This increasingly frequent experience on LinkedIn got me thinking about the changing environment of business communications in our digitally connected world. What is going on here and where have all the manners gone?

This was not the way my Mom and Dad raised me! God rest their souls.

In order to better understand this change in our culture’s moirés I believe we should begin by revisiting some fundamentals of appropriate business communication.

Let’s start with exploring the topic of Business Etiquette. What is it? In a recent Google search (just so you know this stuff is out there and where I got it from!) I came across the following:

“Business etiquette is about building relationships with other people. Etiquette is not about rules & regulations but is about providing basic social comfort and creating an environment where others feel comfortable and secure, this is possible through better communication.”

Whoa! That makes a lot of sense. So what about the relationship between etiquette and manners? I found the following in the same search adventure on Google:

“Respect, kindness, and consideration form the basis of good manners and good citizenship. Etiquette becomes the language of manners. Rules of etiquette cover our behavior when talking, acting, living, and moving; in other words, every type of interaction and in every situation.”

So it’s more about achieving your objective with honey instead of vinegar! Wow now that’s revolutionary thinking. But this is not rocket science, so what has happened in our society that this type of behavior is acceptable in any form whether in business discourse or personal engagement?

The Social Media Factor

Ironically the answer is Social Media. This change in communication behavior is rampant on social media and for many years was not a real factor on professional media like LinkedIn… Unfortunately today it is and the misbehavior is supposedly permissible by the same change in our social values. This change is driven by new technology and the way we now predominantly communicate with one another or in groups.

In the past communication was typically a one-on-one experience such as a phone call or in person. It involved an actual personal engagement. If it was a group communication it was face-to-face. In both personal and group engagements there was accountability for what you said, how you said it and how the recipient or group responded. This made it imperative that the communication be appropriate and professional. If not you got busted on the phone, in person or booed from the podium!

This is all about talking directly to people versus behind the cyberspace veil. It seems to give some people courage in the form of bad judgment.

In today’s digital internet based-communication there is far less accountability and the tendency to let our differences be expressed in “gotch ya” comments based on an inaccurate perception of false power through supposed anonymity. That and the frequent motivation of I “wanna go viral” and capture my “fifteen minutes of fame” really lead to many of the online tirades we all have seen and read.

Social Beings versus Social Enemies

Again this is not rocket science… It is about behaving or interacting as social beings and not social enemies. We are all social beings but for some individuals it is more difficult to disagree without being disagreeable. There is a pent up anger in our society often driven by political, religious and/or cultural differences.

Our society has gone through significant and most important, rapid social change. We elected the first African American president, we legalized same sex marriage, and we are well on our way to legalizing recreational marijuana across the country. While some citizens consider this progress, others consider it blasphemy and want to repeal all of it. That was indicated in our latest election.

We see this polarization in our local communities, red and blue state maps and our stagnant political process in Washington, D.C.. It is a strong motivation for anger and manifests in a lack of tolerance for each other.

Combine this polarization with the new communication tools of social and professional media and we have a recipe for nonproductive, disrespectful business discourse.

This Does Not Mean We Won’t Disagree

We are going to disagree. As Americans it is in our genes to disagree. But we must re-learn how do so without being disagreeable. We live in a democracy. We are supposed to disagree but hopefully not end up in a civil war… or an unnecessary social or professional media rant.

We all need to demonstrate leadership versus dictatorship in our communication and interaction with others and we need to be tolerant of our fellow citizen’s different opinions or persuasions. It is our differences that have made this country great.

We need a return to more positive social values. We need to remember the Golden Rule; Do unto others that which you want done unto you… regardless of their opinions, politics, religion or their posts on social or professional media.

Finally we need to remember what our real objective is when we communicate in person or online. Is it to change another person’s opinion or position in a matter? Do we want understanding, social comfort or an environment where we feel comfortable and secure?

Then we need to bring the Honey baby… and forget the vinegar