Productive Spontaneity

On a scale of 1 to 10, how spontaneous are you?

Maybe you’re spontaneous in certain areas of your life but not others.

What does it even mean to be spontaneous? I asked a Thesaurus:

Impulsive - Unprompted? - Unplanned - Natural ?- Unstructured Extemporaneous - Instinctive -? Free

As a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) and recovering perfectionist, I was hyper-vigilant when I was younger. To this day I like to be prepared, have things start on time, and stick to the schedule. A certain amount of predictability makes me feel grounded and safe.

Yet, one of the most profound experiences of my life was doing Improvisational Theatre. For five years in my twenties, I performed in totally improvised shows with a Los Angeles group called Synergy Trust. It was the most liberating thing I’ve ever done. I think everyone should take an improv class at some point in their life (hint, hint). It teaches you how to be productively spontaneous.

Improvisational theater is not about coming up with clever ideas. It is about paying attention to what's happening and responding to it. The Yes-And Adjustment is the golden rule of improv. When you focus outside of yourself with the intent to respond to it without judgment, your innate creativity will express itself.

In spontaneity, we open ourselves to hidden talents, capabilities, and fulfilling experiences. If you think about it, every new thing on earth created by human beings started with a spontaneous instinct, impulse or idea.

What stops us?

Fear, shame, jealousy, envy, self-doubt and the many manifestations of less-than-optimal self-confidence and self-esteem. Old habits and ways of thinking that feel familiar, and thus comfortable, can keep us repeating an endless loop of sameness.

What’s the antidote?

Feeling your emotions fully and allowing them to flow through you. For example, shame is no picnic but experiencing your shame consciously can set you free of it. During a time of deep spiritual work, I recognized that my perfectionism was held in place by a core belief that something was fundamentally wrong with me. ?One day, I sat facing a mirror inviting my shame to come forth so I could feel it fully.

While feeling the awfulness of what I now call toxic shame*, I had a sudden thought, “Why do I think no one else is flawed but me?!” At that moment, I spontaneously popped out of my bubble of shame and it was gone.

I’d like to say it never came back, but that would be a lie. I felt it many times again. However, I was now aware of the lie it represented and could get out of it quicker and quicker until I it dissolved completely.

What emotion is keeping you stuck? A recent client thought she was just angry about a situation at work. But in learning more about emotions and doing some exercises, she discovered there was unconscious fear as well. This realization freed her to get clear about what she wanted, not just what she didn’t want in terms of her role at work. A well-prepared conversation with her boss resulted in a redefinition of her duties, a promotion and a new title!

BTW – Being prepared for a challenging conversation includes the ability to be spontaneous. ?

What sparks you?

I find that all things can be learned or improved with intention, even learning how to be more spontaneous.?Set a day where you are going to "follow your nose" and see where it takes you. Try stream-of-consciousness writing. Call that old friend you think about but haven't talked to in years. What’s something that you enjoy but keep putting off? What’s something you always wanted to try and never have? DO IT! Give it a go. Even better, take an improv class!

#spontaneity #improvisation #productivity #emotionalintelligence #wellbeing

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*There are two kinds of shame. Toxic shame is not a core emotion. Rather it is a feeling based on a false belief that one is somehow flawed or irreparably damaged. Healthy shame is a core emotion. It is remorse that comes from a recognition that, as John Bradshaw says in his brilliant book Healing the Shame That Binds You, you are not perfect. You make mistakes. You do hurtful things. You go against your own values and you feel bad about it. I call it our internal moral compass. When you can feel it, own it, and take corrective action (when possible) you will grow from experiencing it.