The Process of Personal and Professional Integration - Part 4

In my experience, one of the key elements in living a meaningful and fulfilling life over the span of time that we're fortunate to be alive is how we understand, accept, change, and integrate all the elements of who we are and what we do. This six-part series will examine this process in some detail, in hopes that you will gain some value in charting your path.

In this fourth installment, we'll be looking at the broad range of our Relationships - engagements with others that can be a source of positive energy, and at other times, real frustration!

Core Self – How we view, hold, support, and honor our fundamental basic goodness. For many of us (because we set high standards for ourselves – sometimes in an unrealistic manner) we may need to do some work around the “critical internal voice.” Negative self-talk is not universal in all cultures – we have the option to have as much compassion for ourselves as we do for others.

Who are we when we take away all of our personas (parent, child, worker, partner, musician, etc.) and remove all our identifiers (where we live, the clothes we wear, our financial status, etc.)? Spiritual traditions and philosophers have wrestled with this question for eons, yet a simple answer (for me, at least) is that we are a totally unique expression of what I call The Universal Life Force.

Partnering – If we are fortunate to have a romantic partner, we are both invited and required to be the best manifestation of ourselves in order to learn and grow. Inevitably we will come face-to-face with our own insecurities, unmet desires, and historical patterns. While these often appear as obstacles (and we often unconsciously project them onto the other) they can be experienced as opportunities.

Being in a life partnership provides the ability to extend care, compassion, and love to another without compromising who we are - a tricky balance! I like the wise words of David Whyte, one of my mentors: "A good relationship is a contest of generosity."

Family Matrix – It is exceedingly rare to find a family system without tension, disconnects, or disappointments. There is also the dark side of historical abuse and neglect. Yet sometimes family bonds are warm and welcome. We have both a family of origin, a current family constellation, and a “chosen” family. Families can see us through an old lens, or they can be allies in our life-long growth. This sometimes takes deeper connections with certain individuals, and clearer boundaries with others.

In my case I can smile at a line from a country and western song - "I only like half the people I love." I cherish the gifts I received from my parents, and I have done a lot of work to move through some negative patterns that I subconsciously inherited.

Support System Relationships – The roles that friends, colleagues, peers, mentors, coaches, and counselors are extremely important to our wellbeing as we move through life. Ideally, we have a well-rounded support system, with trustworthy options to serve our needs. We need those who would will lift us up, and we also need allies who will have the courage to appropriately challenge us to be our best.

Sometimes we need to find the courage to ask for help from some "wisdom keepers," since one of the key elements of leadership from any position is appropriate vulnerability. It used to be that the stereotype was that mentors were always older, but the arrival of technology sure changed that! The key determinant of a mentor relationship is that we don't pay them. We enter into defined relationships with coaches and counselors, and the primary difference (because I've been trained in both modalities) is that coaches typically help us improve our current and future performance. Counselors have the skills to help us move through any historical traumas and to bring us into greater acceptance of and compassion with our true selves.

If you're interested in a process that will bring these elements (and the other five parts in this series) into greater awareness and alignment, see https://www.lifeworksprocess.com. I would be honored to be your guide as you continue your life-long process of integration. Onward!