The process of Listen, Read, Learn, Write and Apply - Method for Success in Life & Business!

This journey of life we have undertaken is in the main, a continual learning process.

Listen. It is not by accident, that by design, God has given us two ears and one mouth. The basic intention appears to be that we should listen twice as much as we speak.

Prepare yourself to listen. It is essential to face the speaker and maintain eye contact for effective listening skills. Maintaining eye contact does not mean that you need to stare fixedly at the speaker. Now and then you can look away and then resume the conversation normally but it is vital to be present completely when someone is speaking to you. If something important has to be done in between let the speaker know about it and also inform them when that work is done that you are again ready to listen.

Active Listening. Practice active listening and listen to the words of the speaker. Remove distractions, be attentive and relax. After having established eye contact, it is important to relax. Distractions like phones, books, papers and other things should be put aside as this behaviour will disrupt the process of listening and will give a message to the speaker that you are not interested. Other distractions like noise and activity in the background should be screened out mentally. You should focus on the speaker and concentrate on what the speaker is trying to communicate by putting other things like your own feelings, thoughts, and biases out of your mind. Personal prejudices need to be avoided and you have to try and be impartial. The important thing here is to pay attention to what the speaker is attempting to communicate. Listening skills will improve?if it is done without judging the speaker or criticising mentally the things spoken by the other person. The moment you start to make judgments, you compromise your effective listening skills. Do not try and jump to conclusions. It should be kept in mind that language is being used by the speaker for representing his feelings and thoughts in the speaker’s brain. These feelings and thoughts can be found out only by listening. Let the speaker complete his sentence and do not try to interrupt and finish the sentences of the listener. You need to concentrate and only think about what the speaker is saying even if it may not sound interesting.

Most of the people think about the way they will reply when somebody else is speaking. Do not use the time to plan about what you will be saying next. Instead, you need to focus totally on what is being said by the speaker. You should immediately refocus in case your thoughts have begun to wonder. For effective listening skills, pretend that you will be giving a test on what you have heard and understood. You can sit with a friend or family member and then give them feedback?on what you heard. The focus becomes easier when you are not worrying about the way you will respond.

Do not interrupt and do not try to impose your “solutions”. The rate at which one thinks as well as one speaks differs from person to person. If you are a person who thinks quickly and has agility in talking, then you need to slow down, relax your pace and listen to the other person who might be having trouble expressing himself or who might be a thoughtful communicator. You should not interrupt the speaker as it sends a number of messages like making the speaker realise that you are more important than him, or you have something more interesting, relevant or accurate to say or you do not care about what the speaker thinks or you do not have the time for his opinion or that it is not a conversation but a contest which you are trying to win. Don't make it a contest.

When somebody is talking about a problem, you should refrain from offering solutions as people generally want to find their own solutions and would ask in case they need advice. The other person usually wants you to listen and help him in figuring out his own solution. If you have a very good solution, then take the permission of the speaker by asking him if he would like to listen to your ideas and then offer him that solution.

If you need to ask clarifying questions, then wait for the speaker to take a pause. If you are not able to understand something, then you need to ask the speaker for an explanation. However, you need to be patient and instead of interrupting the speaker, you should wait for the speaker to take a pause and then ask him to clarify the point that you were not able to understand.

Ask questions only for ensuring understanding. The questions could lead to directions that are not related to the discussion. In such cases, it becomes important to work our way back to the topic which was originally meant to be discussed. You need to take the responsibility for bringing the conversation on the right track again.

Try to feel what the speaker is feeling. Empathy is the heart as well as the soul of listening skills. If you feel sad when the speaker is expressing sadness, or if you feel joy when the person to whom you are speaking expresses joy or you feel fear when the other person is describing their fears and you are able to communicate those feelings by means of your words as well as facial expressions, then your listening skills have improved.

Experiencing empathy. You need to put yourself in the shoes of the other person and also feel what it is to be like the other person at that particular point in time, from where they are coming from and why. Imagine what their life may be like and the struggles that they might have to face. You need to look at the issues from the perspective of the speaker. People will appreciate the fact that you really heard them and made an effort of understanding them. This does not come easily but requires concentration along with energy. However, it is a helpful as well as a generous thing and it not only shows your listening skills but also helps in facilitating communication like no other thing can do.

Give the speaker regular feedback. You need to show that you have an understanding of where the speaker is coming from by reflecting on his feelings. If the feelings of the speaker are not clear or hidden, then you need to paraphrase the message’s content at times. You may also nod or demonstrate your understanding by means of facial expressions or expression that is well-timed. This will give the speaker proof that you have been listening and that you have been following the cycle of thoughts and not just involved in your own thoughts.

Pay attention to the cues that are nonverbal or to what has not been said. Listen not only with your ears but also with your eyes. You need to watch as well as pick up the additional information that is being transmitted by means of?non-verbal communication. Close attention should be paid to the body language of the speaker like his facial expressions, eye movements, and posture. These give clues to the meaning that is present behind the words that are spoken, When listening, it should be kept in mind that only a fraction of the messages are conveyed by the words. Most of the direct communication is nonverbal. A lot of information can be gleaned without uttering a word by the tone of the voice.

“Effective Listening skills is a skill that underpins positive human relationships, spend some time thinking about and developing your listening skills – they are the building blocks of success.”

You need to have an open mind, develop curiosity and have a desire for continuous growth. Naturally curious people view conversations as opportunities for learning. They are open to the idea that the way they see the things themselves may not be the only way or the best way and they do not feel that there is a need to always defend their views or the way they see the world. Such people constantly look for new challenges. They are always trying new experiences and volunteering throughout their lives.

Listening to others is a natural and easy way of continuing the journey of?self-development.

To be continued ... Part 2 Read, Learn, Write and Apply