THE PROCESS OF LETTING GO & SURRENDERING

 One of the most vibrant compliments I have received was from one of my LifeSpider students, who once said:

"Birgitta has a trampoline in her black holes." 

I have to agree because I have know the process of letting go and have strategy for tackling the "black holes." We often enter those "black holes experiences" before deciding about letting go of something or something unwillingly leaving us. My black holes are rare those days, and if I'm falling, I'm quick to get up and out.

This newsletter aims to share my Letting Go Strategies and how to tackle the different consequences and feelings that come with them.

LETTING GO IS A SKILL

The first thing to understand is that letting go is not an innate ability but a skill that can be learned. Every skill we learn starts somewhere, and we improve with practice.

Consider this; You would never even think about beginning your first class in skiing to jumping out on a black slope and then wonder why you ended up with broken legs if you are still alive. Would you? Still, when it comes to learning life skills such as "Letting Go," people tend to think it's just to jump. It's not.

Think about any skill you have learned. How did it begin? How did you learn? Did you improve? Did you practice to become better? Can you still use that skill? 

WHY SPEND TIME TO BECOME A MASTER OF LETTING GO

"Letting go" is essential for a meaningful, exciting, and happy life. Another side effect is that it removes fears of getting into trouble and struggling. Consequently, fearlessness results in additional possibilities and potential fulfillment.

Here I will share the three main blocks so you can begin to exercise and become a master of "letting go."  

1. Begin to read the story "Under The Surface which will build the foundation and shape your perception of the "Trampoline Strategy." (If you don't like stories then jump directly to the analysis under "Accept & Leave").
2. Second, you will receive an explanation of how "letting go" is a skill that belongs to Life Competence "Knowing." By reading this, you will find alternative routes and preparations for becoming a master of letting before you practice the skill.

This is about applying the same principles you use when learning any skill. For example, before you hit the slope—when you learn how to ski—you can go to the gym and gain some muscle mass to strengthen your body. Learning downhill skiing techniques will be easier and more enjoyable when you have stronger muscles.

1. Thirdly, you will get at hands-on strategy for immediate use on different categories of letting go and how to manage the consequences.

BUILD THE FOUNDATION OF YOUR LETTING GO & TRAMPOLINE STRATEGY

UNDER THE SURFACE

"The dark blue Chevy van is packed. The diving equipment and six expectant divers are in place. Our destination is a tiny fishing village in southwest Norway. We leave ?stg?tagatan in Stockholm, arrive at our destination eleven hours later, and park the vehicle as close to the pier. Tired, we look for our own diving bags, bottles, and weights and drag them to the old fishing boat that will store us and give us experiences for the next four days. Its owner, who is also the captain of the ship, welcomes us on board. In his Norwegian lice jacket and wildly grown grey beard, he verifies the archetype of a worthy fisherman.

His wife is in the galley, preparing our welcome meal. The blended scents of newly cooked shrimp, tar, and old fish transform us into fanatical divers, and the outside world ceases to exist. After dinner, we crawl into our cabins at the far back of the stern. We fall asleep to the sound of lapping water and creaking boat squeaks. We are woken up in the middle of the night when two more diving pals join us. Their voices and their failed attempts to sneak on board reveal that the last drink probably had been superfluous.

We wake up early in the morning. Through the small, round window and our tired eyes, we perceive heavy rain and violent wind. We ignore the bad weather; nothing will prevent us from experiencing the renowned brushy underwater vegetation of kelp forest, an ecosystem of brown algae. The owner and his son debate if it's a good idea or not to go diving on such a stormy day as this. They take on the challenge in consultation with us, and we chug out into open waters. The boat stops. We help each other and manage to clumsily parry the boat's heavy rolling, and we are finally wrapped in our drysuits. We jump down in the rubber boat that will take us to our diving site. The waves soon fill the dinghy with so much water that we have to jump in the sea before reaching our site. We signal that we're ready, "thumbs down," and disappear under the surface.

What a joy. I become childishly enchanted by swimming through the jungle-like kelp forest. After 45 minutes, we end our dive, inflate the orange buoy, and get picked up. The captain cancels our second dive and looks for the nearest bay to park the boat until the storm subsides. While waiting for the weather to change, we enjoy life on the ship and each other's company.

The theatrically told diving stories at the lunch table fade and are replaced by diving withdrawal. I, the divemaster, and the other woman in the group want to breathe air from our regulators again. We turn a deaf ear when our friends think we're crazy when we wish to scuba dive in the bay where there are only rocks to look at. In our full gear, we sit on the high railing, make a backflip, and splash into the fjord. We swim away and glide silently and freely in the empty clear water. After a few minutes, it gets more challenging, and I understand that we are in a counter-current.

I feel my pulse rate rise, and my breathing gets heavier. Suddenly the resistance explodes and turns into a ranging water tornado. I manage to comprehend that my dive pals have disappeared before I am shot off like a rocket. For a few long seconds, I have no idea what's happening but put my hand reflexively over my regulator to hold it in place. I want to stop myself by grabbing onto a seaweed or a stone. After several failed attempts, I got a hold of a rock. I have stopped. The well-trained survival strategy for a diver, "stop, breathe, think," comes in handy. I can feel that the effort has led to my body producing excess carbon dioxide, and my stress level increases. I focus on my breathing, and after a minute or so, my pulse rate has calmed down, and I start to think. "Where did my friends go? What do I do now?" The enormous cliffs with the white, aggressively foaming waves around the bay flash before my eyes in my mind. I check my air and depth gauge and figure out that I have about 40 minutes left to breathe. What should I do? Stay here about 4 feet underwater until my air runs out or make my way up to the surface and risk being smashed to death against the giant cliffs? With an unplanned calmness, I take three deep breaths, close my eyes, and let go of the rock.

One foot up, I notice that the current has disappeared, and a short while later, I break the water surface, which is completely still. The monstrous cliffs are far away. I see my friends about three hundred feet away, raise my hands above my head, and form a circle, which signals that I'm OK. We swim towards each other, and through our masks, our eyes convey a magnified smile. Verbal expressions for what we feel are needless. We lie on our backs and swim towards the boat. In the evening, we euphorically update the others' archives of dramatic diving stories. The previously invisible diving mates creak into the galley. They listen to our story and seem doubtful that yesterday's local ladies and the morning's headache could replace the value of the day's diving experience. "

ACCEPT & LEAVE

"Sometimes you get stuck in a situation where the only way out is to let go. You find yourself in a position where there's no point in trying to find a solution. There is none. Trying to figure out the possible consequences, the experience becomes unnecessarily drawn-out and painful. If you start thinking about whether you "should" or "should not," you get drained of your energy and don't have the strength to move on. If you decide to stay where you are, you can continue to struggle until you run out of air. The only way to be free of such a situation is to dare to float to the surface to find the answer, despite the risk of hitting the monstrous rocks.

When you try to control untenable situations, your body signals that something is wrong.

Life is full of provocations, and Bruce Parry described life's challenges as "a forest of problems represented by what I will experience as an adult." You can meet "the kelp forest" as an adventure instead of being annoyed by how it obscures your view and gets in the way. When you try to control untenable situations, your body signals that something serious is going on, and your senses get overloaded. You become confused, ambivalent, stressed, and emotionally exhausted. You avoid irrational behaviors by "stop, breathe, and think" and then letting go.

It's onerous trying to hold onto something that has already left us. When your life, project, activities, or relationships feel like a battle, it's time to say "Goodbye" and create space for change. You have the right to say goodbye to the old, regardless of whether it's old habits, people, relationships, work, or material possessions.

A farewell can be about erasing beliefs about yourself to find your individuality. You can cleanse your surroundings with respect and love without blaming yourself or anyone else. It's OK to allow yourself to grieve when you let go of something you've believed in, something that brought you success and joy for a long time. Pain isn't there to punish you; it has an enormous potential to provide you with new and untried experiences in your life.

Under the surface, no one can save you. You're alone with your skills.

When you're stuck in something, you have to get through the situation on your own. Under the surface, no one can save you. You're alone with your skills, courage, and trust—abilities you can practice, so you're prepared with reflexes to handle hopeless situations. As soon as a thought arises that you should leave something, you can be sure that you will one day be forced to make a decision and reform your condition.

By reflecting on circumstances you already have released, you facilitate future development processes. Your reflections help you to understand the signs of unsustainable situations so that you can make the transit to the new, faster, and less painful. When we have removed ourselves from unfavorable circumstances, we experience liberation and often ask ourselves, "Why did it take so long?"

We are all different in how and what we want to leave to history. You can start where you are and only deal with what you feel you have the strength to handle. You are privileged and can refrain from "Iboga." It's enough to let go to reach insights and liberation. There's no right or wrong, good or bad way to take action. What's essential is that you base your choices on what you want and not what someone else thinks that you should do or not.

When you have let go of something, you experience the calm on the water surface, and the monstrous cliffs are usually much further away than you thought. You feel a relief in the body, your eyes are smiling, and you meet joy in others. When you let go, your friends show up and share happiness and experience with you. The worst that can happen is that you get a story that others enviously listen to. A story that can fascinate and inspire those around the dinner table. " Extract from The Book ARE YOU STUCK WITH A DUCK

5 POWERFUL QUESTIONS

1. Are you trying to hold onto something that has already left you?

2. What can you do to make room for change?

3. What knowledge and qualities can you apply now?

4. What does the calm look like on the water surface?

5. Which story are you going to tell?

Tips!

Take "baby steps"! Answer the questions, but start by focusing on what feels comfortable. Put off significant and important decisions until the questions feel obvious to answer and focus on fixing what's fun and easy things for you. 

"LETTING GO" BELONGS TO THE LIFE COMPETENCY "KNOWING."

To be in the condition of knowing is to reclaim and realign with our own authority and inner wisdom. Knowing is an art of transformation that takes us back to our inner wisdom. It is about letting go of old conceptions that no longer belong to us. We are supposed to find our own individuality and let go of the personality others have created for us.

Our whole society is moving from believing to a place of knowing. We are moving into a new paradigm with an increased consciousness where we see things from a new perspective. The paradigm shift means we are moving, and science and spirituality work together to catalyze evolution. 

In a society with increased consciousness, there is no need to have control of others through a system of rules, laws, and stated morals. Philosophy, religion, and "different- isms" will no longer dictate how we live but be an inspiration to keep the transformation process in action.

Life is a never-ending cycle of self-transformation, and every destination is also the beginning of a new process. We are always at a creation station in our life activities. To make this journey joyful, we are required to be masters of letting go of things that no longer serve us. 

Between these cycles, we exist in a vacuum that sometimes can be both scary and confusing. When we understand where we are in the transformation, we will know how to relate to it.

When we reclaim the power of Knowing, we think for ourselves. We know our minds, and we know how to change them. We will break down the assumptions that have kept us preoccupied with how we are at the self-level. We will use our courage and strength to ensure an easy labor and quick delivery into our new state of understanding and growth.

Living from our inner knowing, we surrender to the new life we have created from thought and desire. When we let go of old memories and illusions, we can fully be alive. It is in this wisdom that the truth exists. When we are our own advisors, we do not need explanations, just reflection, to attain our aims. 

THE 7 STEP LETTING GO STRATEGY

DIFFERENT LETTING GO SUBJECTS

You may need to let go of old habits and routines that are simply no longer working due to your development or changed situations in your life.

Personal relationships that were once fantastic may now cause more harm and hold you back than help you to grow. 

Letting go can be about work or interest. Realizing that the career you've invested in is no longer what you want or that the hobby you've been passionate about has become a burden can be challenging.

You may need to let go of ideas or assumptions about who you should be or how to live your life. It may include letting go of the status or position in society or in your immediate environment. You may also need to let go of the way you think and feel about situations, people, or objects.

You might also discover that your values, norms, and belief systems begin to shift into something that differs from those you were brought up with. This is connected to a personal paradigm shift, and people can experience "existential pain." People need self-compassion, time, and support to avoid unnecessary distress in this process. 

THE 7 STEP LETTING PROCESS

Step 1: MENTAL PREPARATION

The first part of this process is to mentally prepare yourself. Mental preparation is about being comfortable with the thought of letting go and making your entire system aware of what's going to happen. This means that you may just live with the ideas around what you want to let go. 

The time for your mental preparation depends on the size of the letting go object. The process can be minutes, hours, weeks, months, or even years. If it's about to through away old clothes, you need less preparation than if you make a life-changing decision. 

Before you make a decision in which you have external entanglement, such as ending a relationship, quitting a job, or moving, you can use the Spider Strategy. Smart spiders weave a new web while still holding on to their old, and they don't move until their new net is big enough to hold them. Once that happens, they let the wind throw them into their new web.

For example, if you are about to end a relationship where you have your entire community of friends and support, you don't make a decision until you have a few new friends and support. 

When you feel mentally prepared, you can move to the next step and make the decision. 

Step 2: MAKE A DECISION

You decide, "ok, I'll let go of this." You make a decision and don't wait for the perfect moment. This is a decision of "Letting Go" and not a decision of what will come next or how it will affect your future.  

Your decision signals the brain and heart need to fully support you in the following steps. Once you have made that decision, it's time to physically manifest your decision. After making the decision, you feel better and gain the strength you need to move on. 

Step 3: INVOLVE YOUR BODY

You can choose to do exactly how you want, dig down, cut, or whatever. The main thing is that you do something physical to involve your body in the process. What used to work for me was that I usually wrote down what I would let go of on a piece of paper, and then I burned it.

Step 4: GIVE THANKS TO THE OLD

Make sure to really thank what you let go of because no matter how bad it is, in this situation, the person or circumstance has been with you in life, it has given you something. It has taught you something. It has made you the person you are right now, and when you feel that gratitude, you also strengthen the right yourself to move on to the next step.

Step 5: WELCOME THE NEW

In this new phase, you should make sure to welcome the new, even if you currently do not know precisely what your new future will look like. But you should be completely open and willing to accept new things, circumstances, and people in your life.

Step 6: TAKE ACTION

When you are ready to welcome new things into your life, it's time to take action if that is what you need. If it's a physical item, throw it away, or if it's about letting go of a relationship or quitting a job, it's time for you to notify the third party who will be affected by your decision. 

Step 7: WAIT

Often when you let go of something hard to let go of, you don't know or have not a detailed plan about what your future will look like.

This final step can be tricky since It's about just waiting for the new to enter your life. When you have freed yourself from the old and don't know where to go, you end up in an unexpected vacuum.

CONSEQUENCES THAT OCCUR WHEN YOU LET GO

Vacuum is a condition that occurs when the old is gone and the new has not yet entered your life. The VacUum creates similar feelings of depression, hopelessness, and lack of energy. In this vacuum, you might feel like you are staring into a big black hole from which you wish to escape. However, the sooner you accept and embrace the vacuum, the quicker you will get out. Also, the better you become on the "Letting Go Process," the easier it will be to get through.

You will learn that vacuum is not really a black hole, but it is a state of nothingness where everything is possible. When you know the void is a time of preparation to enter a new phase in life, you will have a trampoline in your black holes:-)

There is more to be said about how to get through the vacuum phase, but the one thing that isn't negotiable is the "Decision Ban." During the vacuum phase, you gather information, so any decision you make before the intake is complete will be based on incorrect information, leading you into another unwanted situation. 

HOW TO PRACTICE THE PROCESS

You can begin to practice these 7 steps on simple things to learn how the process works. So, just as an example, if you have a drawer with that single sock waiting for its pair, use this process to let it go. Take the time to mentally prepare yourself to throw away the sock, and it's ok if you feel ridiculous when you thank the sock for its service. Maybe you will be surprised how much gratitude there is for this sock?? However, do not skip any step because every transformation has a process that has nothing to do with time but ignoring any of the steps prolongs the hardship.

When you apply the process to small things, the big things will become less invincible. This is how you create your trampoline in your black holes.

I'm impressed if you read the entire newsletter. I did my best to make it short, but the teacher in me couldn't leave out too much since I know how well the process works. I prefer struggling to choose among possibilities than spending my energy feeding what's not working and I assume that you do too.

I'm looking forward to hearing about how you can use this process. I'm also happy if you want to share your findings, experiences, and knowledge about the "Letting Go Process" because we can always learn and improve!

With wishes about exciting Trampoline Jumps!

Birgitta

I haven't decided about next week's competence, so I'm curious about what life skills you want to improve or learn more about. Please, share what would feel relevant to you.