Understand the process to destroy your stress!

How often do you feel stressed?

For some, it’s a daily occurrence, while for others it’s something that crops up only now and again.

If it’s not a word you use all that often, chances are you know someone who does. Some people I’ve met in my career seemed almost to wear it as a badge of honour.

That’s understandable if you perceive it as something that happens to you that’s beyond your control.

In reality, you have the power not just to control it, but to destroy it altogether. And it just takes a few simple but pragmatic strategies to help you navigate your way through it.

As the government website betterhealth.vic.gov.au puts it, stress is a process, not a diagnosis.

Get to the root of your stress

Many people, senior professionals included, find themselves engulfed in feelings of stress throughout their lives. As we grow older, the pressures of leadership, parenthood, and decision-making often amplify the silent yet potent presence of stress.

Not that long ago, I decided I was fed up with feeling stressed all the time, so I looked for a new perspective on what I believed I was experiencing in my life. I found that in neuro-linguistic programming (NLP).

NLP is essentially the study of how successful individuals apply strategies to help them reach their personal goals. According to NLP, stress is not an external factor but a product of our internal processing and interpretation of events. It’s indicative of a mindset that seeks to avoid a perceived negative outcome, rather than achieve a positive one.??

For senior leaders, stress might stem from a plethora of situations: the pressure to lead effectively, make strategic decisions, or even maintain a work-life balance. In every one of these scenarios, your internal language and how you communicate with yourself significantly impacts how you perceive and respond to “stressors.”

Think about it – how is it that one person gets a kick from jumping out of a plane while someone else gets stressed just thinking about skydiving??

It’s everywhere if you allow it to be

So, what are some stress-related situations that you can choose to think differently about?

Well, that’s just it – anyone can turn any situation into something that makes them feel stressed! Lose sight of what you can and can’t control, make some generalisations about what outcomes you think are likely, and before you know it, you can feel deeply and irrevocably stressed!

Having said all that, for context, here’s three stressing situations that are especially common:

1. Decision-making dilemmas: The weight of making decisions that affect a team or an entire organization can be a substantial stressor. The fear of making the wrong choice and its potential repercussions is a heavy burden for some. This often translates into sleepless nights and a lingering anxiety that shadows every choice, subtly questioning, "What if this goes wrong?" The ripple effects of decision-making not only impact the individual but can also permeate through the entire team, influencing morale and performance.
2. Balancing act: This one’s very real for me! Striking a balance between professional responsibilities and personal life is a tightrope walk, where tilting too much towards one side or the other can lead to stress and burnout. The constant juggle between being present for family and fulfilling work obligations can create persistent tension, where both spheres of life feel inadequately attended to. This balancing act becomes even more precarious when unexpected challenges, such as a crisis at work or home, throw your fragile equilibrium into disarray.
3. Conflict resolution: Engaging in or mediating conflicts, especially in a leadership position, demands emotional energy and can be a persistent source of stress. Navigating through interpersonal issues, while maintaining neutrality and ensuring a positive outcome, leads to mental overload. What’s more, conflicts often have a habit of lingering even after a so-called resolution is achieved. The emotional residue casts a subtle, ongoing tension that can affect some for a very long period.

Take control and quash your stress

If you understand the basic premise that stress is a response, created by your perception of a situation, over which you have complete control, then addressing any stress-causing moment in your life becomes possible.

To help you do that, you need some simple, easy-to-apply strategies that you can have in your back pocket at any time.?

Here’s three NLP techniques that I’ve found incredibly useful over the past couple of years:

1. Reframing: Viewing challenges not as insurmountable obstacles but as opportunities for growth and learning can shift the emotional impact and reduce stress.

Imagine being tasked with leading a challenging project. Instead of perceiving it as a burden, reframe it as an opportunity to showcase your leadership skills and to learn new things, turning the narrative from stress to a path for professional development.

1. Anchoring: Anchoring involves creating a mental association between a positive emotional state and a physical trigger. This can elicit calm amidst the storm and enable a more composed response to the situation.

Recall a moment when you felt incredibly confident and at ease. Try to relive that moment vividly in your mind, and as you do, gently press your thumb and forefinger together. In a stressful situation, repeat that thumb and forefinger movement while you recall those feelings of confidence and ease. With regular practice, you’ll find you can access that altered mental state as and when you need it.

1. Dissociation: This involves mentally stepping outside of yourself to observe a stressful situation as a neutral third party. By dissociating, you get a new perspective, and you can start to identify solutions without being clouded by emotional involvement.

If you find yourself overwhelmed with a conflict at work, mentally step back and visualize observing the situation from a distance, as if you were a neutral observer. This detachment allows you to assess the situation without the emotional weight, so you can approach the issue with a clearer, more solution-oriented mindset.

Journeying into my own thoughts and feelings in recent years has helped me uncover a powerful revelation: the control over my stress response lies inherently within me. And so, it is the same for you. Mastering the ability to shift your mental state amidst the chaos and pressures that life invariably presents is the key to achieving your life's goals.

The techniques mentioned here are not quick fixes but rather tools that, with consistent practice, can help you sculpt what once stressed you into something completely different. Imagine what you could achieve with that level of cognitive agility!

So, I urge you this week to go connect the dots and turn this into action.

Commit to trying just one of these NLP techniques when you encounter a situation that typically evokes feelings of stress. Whether it’s reframing a challenge, anchoring a positive state, or dissociating to gain a new perspective, give yourself the gift of exploring a new pathway to managing stress.?

Your future, less-stressed self will thank you.