Problems don't come without reasons

We don’t get depressed “for no reason”. There is always a reason; we just may not know it now. It is quite possible to feel that the mood we are experiencing is unrelated to current life events, and that there is no “smoking gun” or obvious causation. Sometimes we find ourselves baffled by the mood we are in and wonder why we have these unwelcome, and possibly very disturbing feelings “for no reason”. One reason is the possibility of a purely physiological depression. Some hormone, neurotransmitter, some chemical unbalance can effect our normal mood operation negatively. It can be as simple as lack of sleep, a missed lunch, not enough sunlight, a thyroid that is too active or not active enough. Time for the yearly physical and see what the good doctor thinks.

Some person, place or thing might subliminally remind us of a previous experience. I remember becoming very sad one day and, for no apparent reason. When I checked the calendar it was the anniversary of my sister’s death. Freud’s great insight was his uncovering of the inner world of our unconscious and how unresolved internal conflict can effect our present mood state. Our conscious mind is the tip of the iceberg. The other four fifths, unseen but very real is the home of various drives, complexes and the eternal struggle of Eros and Thanatos (life versus death). In our everyday existence moods can become relative to the workings of our internal terra incognita. Depression can visit us and we wonder why.

We might be structurally prone to depression- a milder version of a personality disorder, what our forefathers referred to as melancholia. Through luck, hard work and serendipity we function and feel normal and even happy. But the default position, depression is always in the wings, coming out when we least expect it. Unbidden, it feels foreign- no reason to feel that way. Americans are known for their cheerful, confident, optimistic way of experiencing the world. We have become accustomed to the world as our oyster, an eternal smile an everyday occurrence. Most cultures are more realistic and see depression as embedded in the ever changing fabric of our existence. Americans become worried if the happy face isn’t pasted on; we wish each other a “great day” as if it were our due. We forget that depression is a normal part of what it is to be human.

I also feel really sad a lot of the time. For me it’s isolation and loneliness that is my biggest enemy, and the idea of having been dumped en masse after I got cancer, my circle of friends (musicians mostly) treated me as if I had leprosy and I never saw most of them again. But the biggest sadness came with the death of my sister from breast cancer in ’98 and I still cry everyday about it. I totally lost the desire to sing and listen to music after she died, and not long after that got breast cancer myself. This did not make me sad, I kind of wanted to die anyway, but went through treatments for my family’s sake-which to my astonishment worked. It did put the kibosh on my career though.

So I guess it’s loss that makes me the saddest, the loss of my sister and the loss of my former ‘self’-performer, party master, band leader, session leader who could whip up and all girl orchestra (with a horn section!) in a day and have us onstage the same night, I had the number of every musician in Amsterdam and paid most of them at one point or another. So it seems like once I stopped paying them I may have well died in their eyes…and they do make me feel as if I already died. That really sucked, and I’d never do it to someone-dump them when they got sick.

However, I realized I was an artist so started to produce some quality stuff I could actually sell. I also learned French, bought a second house there on a river (where I’m at right now) and taught myself French songs-which I discovered I love, though they are the saddest songs I’ve ever heard, but beautiful. But no matter what, I still feel sad a whole lot. But partied my whole life up till that point where my sister became ill and I was flying back and forth to take care of her till the end (which was horrible). Sometimes I cry when I’m painting or drawing because I usually do portraits of people I love, like this one of my sister she looked exactly like this vampire.

But in my opinion everything happens for a reason. If you are feeling emotionally unwell, you might not be able to recall any incident which made you feel so. The reason for your sadness might be completely alien to you at the moment, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t one. One of the possible reasons for frequent emotional outbursts could be the people around you. Be with people who uplift and motivate you, who make you feel good about who you are, who understand you. I realised this late (though I always knew, in fact we all know) “choose your circle wisely”. Otherwise you literally have unwanted toxicity in your life.

I am almost regularly stuck in this kind of a situation. I try to divert my mind at that point of time from the situation. You could listen to some good music, some motivating ones probably. I would personally prefer listening to some music instead of binge watching, mostly because I not only gotta divert my mind at that moment but also motivate myself simultaneously. You could also keep some good books handy, preferably of motivational genre. Cheers!

After you have properly calmed down, back to normal self in a happy high mood, you should go through the series of events happened before this incident which made you feel dejected. Trust me this is very important to decrease the frequency of such events in future. Self introspection can actually be very valuable.

Overthinking is harmful, but you always should give a thought to what made you be in that mental state in the first place. This is the thing most of us don’t do. Once we are out of that trauma, we are busy again with other activities. Hold on bud, take out some time, think?

You need to know where exactly you went wrong. So many things happen everyday with us, we meet so many people, interact with them, social media, work stress, physical health etc etc. any of these could’ve been the reason for you to subconsciously feel sad.

Write it down, make a dairy. You could have a discussion with family or friends, with someone who knows you well enough to guide you right, someone you completely trust <3. Talking to a friend is a lot more comforting in my opinion. This is because they go through a similar mental stress as you do, which makes it easier for them to figure out why you took some choices and not others, which led to distress.

You gotta deal with this situation, deal with your emotions, deal with yourself.

Don’t you run away from this, this is you, these emotions define you, it is okay to feel sad sometimes or even everytime??