? The Problem With Wanting Things

Hey friends,

Greetings from Miami, where I’m on a flying visit for a 3-day Leveling Up Founders Mastermind meeting, hosted by Eric Siu.

This is my first time in the US, and Miami is very pristine - not a sprawling metropolis like London.

Anyway, on the flight over I re-read Wanting: The Power of Mimetic Desireby Luke Burgis. It’s based on René Girard’s theory of ‘mimetic desire’, the idea that we often want things just because other people have those things.

See lots of other people using AirPods? Suddenly you want a pair. Friends all getting married? Marriage seems more appealing.

Same goes for all sorts of situations: colleagues going on adventure holidays, acquaintances learning to code, the neighbours buying a fancy BBQ…

See enough people doing something, and you’ll feel like doing it as well.

Immediate acquaintances have a particularly big influence, because they’re your closest point of comparison. You don’t get jealous of The Rock for having a big mansion or rippling biceps – but if it’s your best friend making millions and getting shredded, you might feel differently.

This got me thinking about my wariness of business conferences (much like the one I’m currently at ??)

When I’m around entrepreneurs in the $10 million+ range, it makes me “want” that too. In that moment, as I’m standing in a conference room talking to Steven Bartlett or Neil Patel, being a super-rich businessperson with a huge business and huge team seems really cool.

So I leave the conference fired up with lots of business ideas. But after a few days that feeling fades, and I realise it was probably mimetic desire.

So, how do we figure out what we really want?

Luke uses the concept of ‘thick’ versus ‘thin’ desires. Thick desires are things you want on a deep level. Stuff that makes you feel happy or fulfilled once you have it or are doing it. Thin desires are usually mimetic - stuff you only think you want because you see that other people have it.

He recommends asking: “What’s a time in my life when I took action, and it made me feel genuinely fulfilled?” This brings out the ‘thick’ desires, things that we genuinely value.

For me, what immediately comes to mind is the Cambridge University hospital pantomime that us medical students took part in. There was so much camaraderie, and performing on stage every night with a bunch of friends made me feel that ‘yes, life is good’.

Other things that meet that description for me:

• Working with a small team to create videos (that I’m proud of)
• Teaching people
• Reading (and hopefully writing) amazing books
• Spending time with friends + family

Try thinking about your own thick / thin desires – you might surprise yourself.

Have a great week!

Ali xx