Problem Solving Family Dispute Resolution

When you are caught up in family conflict it can be completely overwhelming and seem impossible to resolve without someone making judgment, especially when there has been family violence.

The is probably why 52 percent of parenting matters in the Federal Circuit Court in NSW go directly to court instead of attempting Family Dispute Resolution. This figure was quoted at the National Mediators Conference I presented at last week by a judge and I have no reason to believe that a similar number of people are bypassing Family Dispute Resolution Mediation.

Part of the problem might be the lawyers who file an exemption without encouraging their clients to attempt Family Dispute Resolution in their rush to get them into court but I also believe that it is often the clients themselves who think that negotiating with their ex is going to be a waste of time.

I call it the Judge Judy effect. A belief that you need someone else to sort things out for you.

You probably won't get that judgment

The sad thing is that courts escalate conflict and only a small number of people who start Family Court action receive final orders.

To start the process you have to submit an affidavit which dredges up every nasty thing your ex has done in the past, minimizes anything you have done and after they have read it makes co-parenting very uncomfortable.

They will write their response affidavit with the help of their lawyers and add more fuel to the flames by minimising or excusing their behaviour and highlighting anything you've done in the past that you're not proud of.

Getting to the point of a trial takes many months if not years and the vast majority of people reach a rushed "orders by consent" agreement under the pressure of their barristers and financial pressures to stop hemorrhaging money before they go to trial.

That doesn't mean they haven't been to court a number of times already for interim orders and mentions. You'll spend an enormous amount of time, money and emotional energy before you get the chance to have your matter heard.

For the people who run out of money, when there isn't anyone else to borrow off, the situation is even worse as they are dumped by their lawyers, sometimes right before a trial. We get a lot of those people coming to us at Interact Support.

Why mediation works even when you think it won't

Disclaimer before I start. It doesn't always work and no mediator can make a guarantee that it will because it is a process of self-determination. That means that the people affected by any agreement reached are the ones who decide what is and isn't acceptable to them.

1. Mediation is a respectful process with ground rules for behaviour.

We can only creatively problem solve when we are in a good mental and emotional state. If we are very stressed, anxious or angry our rational brain goes into hibernation and our protective emotions and fight or flight instincts are activated.

Well trained mediators understand this and do everything in their power to make the mediation process relaxed, respectful and supportive so that you can engage your problem solving capabilities.

If you don't have a mediator who has been well trained and they are not enforcing respectful behaviour it is within your rights (which they should have explained to you) to call a break, request a private session to speak to them or call an end to the session.

You are in control and should expect to be treated respectfully at all times which means not being shouted at, disparaged, bullied or otherwise pressured into making a decision that you feel is not in your best interests or the best interests of your child.

2. It is a collaborative process not an adversarial one

Collaboration requires that people work together to achieve common goals.

The job of the mediator is to help you to explore your issues and find common ground to work from. That might be similar goals for the future such as wanting to put all the unpleasantness behind you and protect your children from harm.

The confirmation bias short cut that our brains use to filter information often blocks from our awareness anything positive about people we are in conflict with. By that I mean once you've made up your mind about something such as your ex is a mean and nasty person anything that doesn't support your belief is discarded by your unconscious mind and never reaches your awareness.

In mediation we foster active listening and when we can see you are not hearing or acknowledging reasonable offers and proposals we help you to hear and respond.

There really is the potential that whatever it is that prevents you from having a cooperative parenting arrangement or agreeing on how your financial assets should be divided can be discussed in a civilized manner and all of the options available to you, including some that you couldn't think up yourself

Looking for a well trained FDR Practitioner?

Mediation Institute trains nationally so it is likely that we will have a graduate located somewhere near you and all of our graduates are skilled in Video Mediation so they don't actually need to be near you to facilitate a family dispute resolution mediation for you.

Get in touch via www.mediationinstitute.edu.au for a referral or if you are looking for someone in Melbourne you can also contact our not-for-profit www.interact.support.

Wanting to become a FDR Practitioner?

Mediation Institute is the specialist provider of mediation and family dispute resolution training in Australia. We now have available the new CHC81115 - Graduate Diploma of Family Dispute Resolution delivered in partnership with Jigsaw Training Group 32423. VET FEE-HELP loans are available (less than 20 places left for 2016) and the course covers all of the theory and practical experience required to become competent and apply for accreditation as a Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner with the Australia Attorney Generals department.

We are really excited about the new course as we have lifted the bar with a minimum of 50 hours of work placement now required. That seems like a lot for some people but don't worry we will help you to secure a placement with Interact Support available to all students as a fall back.

The other really exciting innovation is that we are incorporating supervision into the program and for anyone unfortunate enough to have experienced the negative, power over type supervision practiced in some workplaces think of it as something else.

Our model is based on positive psychology and neuro-biology and is designed to maximise your support during the course and work placement and enhance learning through peer and individual positive supervision.

If you are interested in becoming a FDR Practitioner the other interesting news is the entry standards have been dramatically lowered and all that is required is NMAS Accreditation if you don't have a law, social work or psychology degree. Strange but true and another reason that we have really strengthened what was already an award winning course. Contact us via www.mediationinstitute.edu.au for more information.