The Problem with Snow White

Last week I talked about how things we learn as children have the ability to impact our perceptions of ourselves and others. In this article, I will suggest that the fairy tale, Snow White, and other fairy tales are responsible in part for some of the ways we negate ourselves and other women. 

I want to hold up two women who exemplify what “Rooting for all women to win” is all about! 

When the pandemic lockdown began last year, I was living and working in Anchorage, Alaska. In addition to the online service from the church I pastored, I began attending the virtual service of St Paul’s Baptist Church in Phila., PA. The pastor, Dr. Leslie D. Callahan, is an African American woman. When I moved back to the lower 48, I attended St Paul’s virtual service exclusively. I sat on the virtual back pew listening, and observing the pastor’s online interaction with the members. It was very refreshing to see a female pastor that had the support of her congregation! I thought it might be a place for me, but the story of Snow White and my own experiences with women in the church made me doubt... 

So, I took a leap of faith and joined St Paul’s in February 2021. I’ve had the chance to see Pastor Leslie Callahan in action on a more personal scale now that I am a member. She welcomed me and all that I have to bring in service to God and humanity. I have come to believe in a very short time that she is a supporter, encourager, and mentor to women of all ages. She delights in the gifts of other women and is happy to see them used to the glory of God!

Next, I began working for Redhouse Performance Consulting, LLC, at the end of January this year. The firm’s Founder and CEO is an African American woman, Arlene Roane. She is educated, talented, and considered an expert in the field of DEI, with 25 years doing this work. She brought me on board because she felt I had something valuable to offer the field of DEI. As excited as I was, the story of Snow White and my own past experiences with women made me doubt...

As I work on projects, and read books, books, books to build capacity, she encourages me to explore the many aspects of DEI work to see what I feel most comfortable doing. She has never once made me feel that I was not as important as anyone else on the team. Never made me feel that I should hang back and let someone else take the lead. She is an amazing mentor, who is investing her time and resources to get me firmly footed on the path to success! 

Maybe you’re wondering what either of these stories have to do with Snow White. Here’s the problem with Snow White. I will mention this first problem in passing but it’s certainly NOT in an attempt to minimize its importance. The story’s happy ending hinges on Snow White being kissed while she is asleep, by a man she does not know! Boy is that a problem! But, it’s a story rooted in Patriarchy, which says to women, you are not free to do as you please, and you have no control over your body or your destiny. 

What messages are we sending to little girls and boys in this story? 34% of all sexual assault victims are girls under the age of 12. Every 9 minutes CPS finds evidence for, a claim of child sexual abuse. I’m sorry, but there’s nothing romantic about someone touching a young girl in a sexual way, without her consent. That sounds more like a nightmare than a fairy tale!

So, now the problem I want to focus on: Snow White fell victim to a powerful Hater. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, a hater is a person who is angry towards someone for their successes, or in the case of Snow White, her beauty. Neo-Soul Songstress, Erykah Badu sings, “My eyes are green cause I eats a lot of vegetables.” In the song, the person with the green eyes is jealous that her old boyfriend has moved on. The green eyed monster is a sickness that needs a strong dose of self-love.

Probably from the first time we read the book or saw the movie, Snow White, we’ve been interrogating that mirror about our looks, our intelligence, our place on the team, in the club, on the job…you name it. There can only be one who is the fairest. If it’s not me, I can’t be happy for or celebrate the successes of other women. If she’s younger than me, I can’t help her because she might try to take my place. We want to hear the mirror respond that we are the fairest in the land, and we can be cruel to other women if we hear something different. 

All you have to do is tune into any of the Real Housewives shows, Married to Medicine, or the Bachelor to see women acting out against one another, over and over again because the mirror said someone else was beautiful, smart, or successful.

It’s a narrative that we did not create for ourselves, but we identify against ourselves and serve one another up for someone else’s entertainment…mirror, mirror on the wall! 

The truth is, there’s room for every woman’s wonderfulness! We are each of us a unique creation. There’s no one exactly like you or me! We should be allies for one another, not each other’s worse nightmare.

Which leads me back to Reverend, Dr. Leslie D. Callahan of St. Paul’s Baptist Church, and Arlene F. Roane of Redhouse Performance Consulting, LLC. Two women, who are both the best and the brightest, using their power to uplift and empower other women. 

I hold them up because I’ve been around other women who say it’s important to support women, but their behaviors and actions sour when they are not the center of attention. 

I hold them up because even when society says there’s only room for one Black woman, these 2 have said by their actions, “Hold up, I’m bringing some other women with me!”

Mirror, mirror on the wall, please don’t answer when I call. Period! 

RAINN: Statistics on child sexual abuse (rain.org)