A problem shared is a problem halved.

I grew up in a time with a family where it was taboo to talk about your feelings. Where being vulnerable and transparent was not tolerated. My parents and my schooling taught me to “suck it up”. My kids and those I lead, serve, and influence, will not grow up in that environment.

46 years later I am paying the price for being taught to be tough, to hold my emotions, and not let anyone know I am suffering. I am tough and extremely resilient. I am sure that is why DX Learning is still standing where 90% of other startups fail. It has come at a human cost though.

How can you build relationships when you are not honest with yourself, let alone with other people?

You can’t.

How can someone trust you, if you hold back the truth?

How can teams at work and home function at their full potential if people aren’t being honest with each other?

No one holds crystal balls. We can’t help each other if we don’t know where help is needed. No one is perfect. No team is perfect. But if we don’t share the truth, we leave the door wide open for both human well-being challenges and business performance issues, and that is not good enough. ??

I am sure you have heard of the adage, “A problem shared is a problem halved.”

There are varying opinions on the validity of the statement.

Dr. James Pennebaker, a psychologist and researcher at the University of Texas at Austin, conducted extensive research on the benefits of expressive writing, including how sharing worries and emotions with others can improve mental and physical health. Link to the study in footnotes.

Another study from AGE UK showed that when people?share worries with others, it can improve their situation:

• Around?3 in?10 adults share their worries (29%). Of these, over a third (36%) feel brighter as a result
• A quarter (26%) feel relief when they have confided in someone about a problem
• 8% feel that the problem has gone away once shared

When asked what the top three reasons for keeping worries to themselves were:

• 44% of people said they should cope on their own,
• Not wanting to burden anyone else with their troubles,
• Not being comfortable talking about their issues.

Link to the study in footnotes.

?All I can tell you from my experience is silence kills relationships.

Relationships and human connection are what differentiate us from AI and technology. As AI will never CARE, we need to double down on relationships in the technology revolution. To double down on relationships is to build trust. To build trust we need to speak up early and speak up often about what is working in our lives, and what is not. We need to be honest with each other, and ourselves. The more open we are about what is holding us back from a better life, the more others can help.

To know is not to assume.

Culture is a mirror of leadership. If you want a team where vulnerability and transparency are the norm, then it starts with the team leader. They need to create an environment where it is safe to speak up, and where sharing is a common habit, and healing is a daily occurrence.

Here is another blog I wrote on the importance of vulnerable leadership: https://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/vulnerability-magic-ingredient-modern-leadership-easier-alex-draper/

We have to start being intentional with respectful relationship-building in the workplace. There has to be "time" to do it. If it's not a weekly habit, then "results" will win, every time.

Let's put people first.

?The most effective way to do that is to CARE. To get leaders to CARE. CARE to Win.

CARE, the human skills to get the hard stuff done. Step 3, and the most important element, RELATIONSHIPS.

More on CARE here in this 3-minute video:

Research links:

https://c3po.media.mit.edu/wp-

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/latest-press/archive/share-problems-to-lighten-your-load/