The Problem With Regret

My wife says I talk too much.

It’s true; I can be a bit too open with subjects that, arguably, nobody really needs to know. One such subject for me is financial regret.

It started in 2007 when I sold my business. I got terrible financial advice which will forever affect my family. Things are not as I imagined, and it bothers me.

You might be thinking, “Poor Darryl, cry me a river,” but that’s not why I speak of this. And don’t you go setting up a GoFundMe campaign either, but thanks! (I’m kidding…)

This was years ago. In the midst of a difficult time, I found a new career that I love and created a process that helps people enjoy safety, simplicity and strength in retirement.

These days I have everything I need in life. A wife who loves me (pretty sure), 3 sons who like me (I think) and a doggie who absolutely adores me. (This I’m certain.)

I have no complaints, but I do have regrets and try as I may, I can’t shake them.

So, medicine for me is helping you avoid this feeling. I know many of you have everything you need, and most of what you want and JUST WANT TO KEEP IT THAT WAY!

That’s certainly our goal.

This is the last post of this three-part series on making difficult financial decisions when you don’t have all the facts.

Specifically, I am speaking to those of you who have made some plans but aren’t so confident that your work is done. There are still some decisions and you know what they say…

The road to easy street is paved with difficult decisions.

Anyway, back to regret. This intense emotion has been a favorite topic for philosophers.

Nietzsche said that remorse was “adding to the first act of stupidity a second.” It actually took me a moment to understand this sentence. He doesn’t see any usefulness.

Thoreau praised the power of regret.

“Make the most of your regrets; never smother your sorrow but tend and cherish it till it comes to have a separate and integral interest. To regret deeply is to live afresh.’

So, there’s that!

The philosopher in me suggests it’s not about the usefulness of regret, it’s that this sentiment focuses on the past.

Hindsight is 2020, for sure. It’s super easy to think, I should have asked this, done this, not done that…AFTER THE FACT!

…but this is exactly the point.

If you consider this now, while making decisions you’ll be better off. You’ll move regret to the front of your decisions – where it’s more useful to you.

Here’s an example:

You read somewhere that savvy investors like you should be changing investment strategies as you near retirement. So, you have a few options.

Option one: You could say, “No way! What I’ve done my whole, entire life has worked…” and you keep things the same.

You might even draw on a negative experience from 30 years ago to steel your resolve. Or,

Option two: You could draw on your successes, learn from what didn’t go your way AND also look towards the future.

Looking forward will help you see how your finances will change when you’re not working (and have no paycheck), or if you’re sick and relying on your blessed (but busy) children to help you.

Or how the ups and downs in the stock market might affect you when you actually need your nest egg to pay your bills. Or whether you should take a lump sum distribution from your pension plan. The list goes on and on.

Incidentally, as a retirement specialist, I can explain how the skills required to accumulate assets are dramatically different than those needed in retirement or how retirement savings are not the same as a retirement plan, blah, blah, blah!

This won’t help you.

Rather, my role is helping you see your future self to help you understand…

What might regret look like?

At the very least, coming to peace with what could go wrong will feel better than refusing to acknowledge it, only to face it only after it’s happened.

After-the-fact regret has the potential to consume you. It gets better over time, so they say, but for me not so much. Maybe I’m triggered because I help people plan for retirement but…

…It’s always there for me.

Let’s make sure it’s not there for you!