The Problem With Recovering From Relationship Setbacks

Do you recall the first time you thought to yourself - yes, this is my happily ever after? But then you experienced a relational conflict and it escalated till it felt like the sun above. And Maybe you, he, or even both of you were scorching hot.

So, you said, you know what - I can't do this. I'm done. If so, you know if you read my e-book Recognize Him: Is He Dating YOU For Commitment? I experienced that moment too, except mine came in the form of a text message.

Although I didn't know him well, as I looked at that text message, it was a relationship setback. Because that relationship did not end the way I thought it would. So, as I thought about how I could best help you today, I thought about sharing the two biggest problems I see when it comes to recovering from relationship setbacks.

Number One

Limited perspective.

You see, when relationships end we tend to look at what went wrong. We tend to focus on what didn't go right. We tend to see all of the negatives and we experience often times feelings of sadness, frustration, grief, and even devastation.

Now there's nothing wrong with feeling those feelings, they're normal to feel. It's normal to grieve what we lost. I thought to myself, I wonder how often do we take the time to truly consider that if this man threw his hands up and walked away, or if you got so fed up and you said, I'm not doing this with you not another day and you walked away, then it's safe to say that that person wasn't meeting your needs.

That person wasn't meeting your wants. That person wasn't a person who you had value alignment with. So, if that is the case what did we really lose? That was somebody else's spouse. Think about that.

Then the second issue that I see when it comes to recovering from relationship setbacks is this one -

Lack of intentional reflection and objective influences

When I say that - I'm simply meaning this - when our relationships end who tends to weigh in? Family and friends - although, they may be well intended, they are sharing their opinion.

And some of them are really laying it in, I mean they are just going to town. They're talking, talking, talking, talking, talking and everything they're saying, we're taking it in.

We may not realize it, but that is in our subconscious mind. So, if we have not taken the time to sit and reflect ourselves and to really think about what did I gain from going through this relational conflict...

What did I experience that can help me be better for my next relationship? Then we have all of their opinions in our head, which can tend to cloud our judgment, tend to contribute to our thoughts of what we went through. The think about it is although they mean the very best for us, they can't do relationships for us.

So, it's wise for us to sit and take time to really think about how we showed up in that relationship with that person and what we can do, what we can become because of what we've experienced.

Because we don't have to just go through things, we can grow because of them and be better for later on in our journey down the road for the next person.

So, today I'm going to challenge you. I'm going to challenge you to invest the hour in yourself. Before I tell you the video that I'm recommending to you, I'm going to tell you the the why.

It's because we can leave a relationship or relationship can end and we can still be hurting. A relationship can end and we can move on, but not be healed. A relationship can end and we can find ourselves thinking we're in purpose because we're productive.

When really we are using that productivity as a way to keep our mind busy; so we're not really being productive - we're overloading ourselves with all these different things in our life to keep us from thinking about the impact that that relationship had on our life in a negative way.

As I was shredding and organizing Thursday night, this message came across my feed (probably because I'm a member of Change Church Global, so I watched it live). But, just looking at the thumbnail, I didn't realize, so I re-watched it and I just felt prompted to share it with someone.

Because I'm connected to you - that's someone is you, and that means that you value relationships, so if you want to have a strong relationship and you want your relationships to be healthy and helpful to you - I want you to invest the hour.

Y'all know I'm not called to an hour, besides an hour wouldn't be a blog, it'd be a book. Although I've talked about these topics, I've not done so in depth like this, but I want you to click here and watch it all the way through.

Because I'm sure like I did, you too will gain value from it, it's called A Recipe for Relationships.

Here's the thing too,

"When you have the right recipe for relationships, you set yourself up to build on a solid foundation and you give yourself the awareness to respect all stages of the relationship development process, including necessary endings."

"24 hours doesn't seem long, but in 24 hours you can change your life; so go ahead and do something life-changing now." Visit Coach Sam on YouTube @cesamempowers